ei there
it's been a while since i've posted anything here ;p
anyway, i'm out looking for a washing machine today.
already bought a TV, a couple of other housewares (the rest were given), and food almost everyday.
will write more soon. ;p
ei there.
Dec 13, 2006
as promised, here are pictures from my wedding.
i'll give you a round-up of the events when i get time by tomorrow.
for now, enjoy the pics ;p
***
(here's the round-up LOL)
the day prior to the wedding, a couple of things happened:
1. grace and i fought yet again because of the gown. my titas and my mom delivered it 'cause apparently, the groom ain't supposed to see the bride a day before.
2. there was a mix-up and a delay in the delivery of the gown 'cause my titas and my mom insisted that they buy a gas lamp. this lamp was brought to grace's house, and remained lit until the following day.
3. gilbert arrived from singapore to become one of the secondary sponsors for the wedding (aww, sweeet).
on the day of the wedding, some stuff happened as well:
1. i noticed that my barong had a stain.
2. the make-up artist was late. she came to grace's house at 9.30am, and left there around 1.30pm. yup, 1.30pm. it took him another hour to finish up the make-up for my sister and mom.
3. an hour and a half before the wedding, the church called and told me that they lost the marriage license. they told me that the wedding might have to be postponed. i was more than angry; i was infuriated.
4. at the wedding, i stood in front of the church for the pictorial. it was bloddy windy. i had no good shots.
during the wedding, grace and i didn't have any serious pictures. even afterwards, geez. twas like it was one big wacky party.
after the wedding, grace and i spent the night at el grande (don't you think dirty now, man. she had menstruation huhu). twas the height of typhoon cimaron.
the following day, we went home to our apartment- drenched 'cause of the rain.
i'll post more pics soon. promise ;p
i'll give you a round-up of the events when i get time by tomorrow.
for now, enjoy the pics ;p
***
(here's the round-up LOL)
the day prior to the wedding, a couple of things happened:
1. grace and i fought yet again because of the gown. my titas and my mom delivered it 'cause apparently, the groom ain't supposed to see the bride a day before.
2. there was a mix-up and a delay in the delivery of the gown 'cause my titas and my mom insisted that they buy a gas lamp. this lamp was brought to grace's house, and remained lit until the following day.
3. gilbert arrived from singapore to become one of the secondary sponsors for the wedding (aww, sweeet).
on the day of the wedding, some stuff happened as well:
1. i noticed that my barong had a stain.
2. the make-up artist was late. she came to grace's house at 9.30am, and left there around 1.30pm. yup, 1.30pm. it took him another hour to finish up the make-up for my sister and mom.
3. an hour and a half before the wedding, the church called and told me that they lost the marriage license. they told me that the wedding might have to be postponed. i was more than angry; i was infuriated.
4. at the wedding, i stood in front of the church for the pictorial. it was bloddy windy. i had no good shots.
during the wedding, grace and i didn't have any serious pictures. even afterwards, geez. twas like it was one big wacky party.
after the wedding, grace and i spent the night at el grande (don't you think dirty now, man. she had menstruation huhu). twas the height of typhoon cimaron.
the following day, we went home to our apartment- drenched 'cause of the rain.
i'll post more pics soon. promise ;p
Dec 1, 2006
as promised. pictures of the 2006 pinoy media congress held at miriam college last november 27-28, 2006.
the department recently joined the rest of the communication educators and students at the recent 2006 pinoy media congress at miriam college last nov.27-28, 2006.
participated by over 50 communication education-offering schools nationwide, the event was sponsored by abs-cbn and the philippine association for communication educators (the country's oldest alliance of communication teachers).
featured in the event were symposia and fora on current communication and media trends and issues, as moderated and participated by abs' top-rank news and current affairs peeps.
asian media information and communication center (amic) secretary-general indrajit banerjee also graced the event, helping students and faculty to realize the value of communication education in the asian context, and how the world of media is slowly reshaping itself.
six communication schools were also given a chance to showcase their video productions: for metro manila- st. paul university and miriam college; for luzon- LYCEUM OF BATANGAS and university of perpetual help las pinas; sor visaya & mindanao- western mindanao state university and ateneo de naga.
six other schools were also tasked to present their stand on the premise: "if you were a media company owner, how would you help in n ation-building." among the tasked schools were: miriam college, ateneo de manila university, siliman university, up los banos, and leyte state university.
the event culminated with a distribution of KAPITAN: The Story of ABS-CBN, a book on the life of genny lopez, and the makings of abs-cbn.
Nov 26, 2006
Okay lang ako. Masakit lang.
Parang lumang sugat na kinutkot.
-wally
has been a while since i've blogged.
two weeks before the wedding, and i don't know
what i'm feeling. mixed emotions? wedding jitters?
these are understatements.
***
some of the new pics i took for my in-campus photo exhibit.
i wanted to indirectly tell the kids that the department was supportive of endeavors that they want to do, as long as as we could do what they ask of us.
this legacy of independence in action and cooperation is what i intend to instill to the kids.
***
we're off to the 2006 pinoy media congress at miriam college tomorrow. i am very excited. and why wouldn't i be? from the nation's leading communication schools, six were cosen to present video collages of student productions at the convention tomorrow afternoon. my school - my department - is one of those six schools. tyry shovin' that up yer ass, why don't cha?! LOL
***
i just got back from my bestfriend's place (met his boyfriend of four months and inay who still hasn't got a clue that his son is gay), and got me a pig to slaughter for the wedding. can't wait to hear them squeel to death (i am such a damaged child).
***
will post pics of the convention soon.
keep me posted aight?
hey.
Oct 28, 2006
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?
SEASONS OF LOVE, OST: RENT
i saw RENT: The Movie version of the broadway phenomenon. i cried. not just because of the story and the superb soundtrack. i cried because i saw myself in collins. yet again.
ANGEL
Live in my house, I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back,
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover - I'll cover you
COLLINS
Open your door, I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage, to lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there and I'll cover you
BOTH
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are my love,
On life - be my life
Just slip me on I'll be your blanket
Wherever - whatever - I'll be your coat
the film got me thinking again: why was i in love in the first place? was i in love for the right reasons? i dunno if people would still call these wedding jitters. quandries as these are bigger than what we think they are. bigger than what i think. bigger than me. i'm starting to get scared. and sadder by the minute.
are you in love for the right reasons?
Oct 27, 2006
"you tire me," said the vixen to the pig.
don't take me to the blue meadows today. leave me be,
and grant me peace through the day.
"as you intend," obliged the lowly pig.
usuddenly i find myself re-asking a very troubling question: why am i getting married in the first place? the question struck me a couple of times before, but i've never really bothered to answer it. love? escape? sympathy? longing? belongingness? i dunno what to answer the quandry with. especially now.
we have been having a considerable number of fights lately. mostly about triffle things concerning the wedding- where to live afterwards, the guestlist, the design of the invitations, seating and venue, the works.
just last night, we argued about something again (too obnoxiously simple that i'd dare not say it here). needless to say, words were flung all over. up until the time we slept. this morning, i texted her to make amends but much to my surprise, she didn't want to see me, let alone talk. she told me to give her peace the whole day. that i was deafening, and she grew tired of me. i was faced with the quandry altogether again: why was i marrying her?
things atruck me (all the while walking around the city, jumping from one jeepney ride to another, deciding to whether or not go to manila, grabbing a bus, getting off in the middle of the ride, taking a bus ride back to lipa, and now blogging).
love is not an issue. i love her. but to what extent has that love evolved into? true, things have changed for us. i call it maturation of the relationship; she calls it frigidity on my part. inasmuch as i would want to remain the sweet lil' ol' me, the times are asking me to be otherwise. can a sweet man be a family head? i don't think so.
"suddenly, it strikes you," said the pig. "in spite
of the vastness of this world, you actually have nowhere to go to.
i am nowhere near where i'm supposed to be."
"where are you supposed to be?" asked the bird from nowehere.
"home," the restless swine announced, looking up at the branch where the bird was perched, "wherever that is. it's where i could just cuddle and cry all day. where i could stare blankly at the wall and not be called looney. where someone is there for me, regardless of whoever and whatever i have become no." he said, then said, "i'm lost."
flapping his wings, the bird said, "home, they say, is where the heart is. why don't you follow the beat and see where it leads you?"
disillusioned, the pig replied, "what if the heart falls flat to the floor and stops beating? where do i go from there? do i wait for it to beat again? or lay flat on belly with it?"
this morning she said i shouldn't worry. she was still mine, and the wedding will push through. that nothing could change that. but things did, and they are. she seemed as if she was getting married because she was obligated to, not because she wanted to. that then, didn't feel right. not at all. i don't want her to marry me just because the things have been laid out. i want her to marry me because she wants to. because she can bear with the atrocity that i am.
i more saddened than relieved by blogging these things. but nonetheless, at least i have said my piece. whatever happens within the course of the day, in shallah. i'm going to the movies after this. be safe.
don't take me to the blue meadows today. leave me be,
and grant me peace through the day.
"as you intend," obliged the lowly pig.
usuddenly i find myself re-asking a very troubling question: why am i getting married in the first place? the question struck me a couple of times before, but i've never really bothered to answer it. love? escape? sympathy? longing? belongingness? i dunno what to answer the quandry with. especially now.
we have been having a considerable number of fights lately. mostly about triffle things concerning the wedding- where to live afterwards, the guestlist, the design of the invitations, seating and venue, the works.
just last night, we argued about something again (too obnoxiously simple that i'd dare not say it here). needless to say, words were flung all over. up until the time we slept. this morning, i texted her to make amends but much to my surprise, she didn't want to see me, let alone talk. she told me to give her peace the whole day. that i was deafening, and she grew tired of me. i was faced with the quandry altogether again: why was i marrying her?
things atruck me (all the while walking around the city, jumping from one jeepney ride to another, deciding to whether or not go to manila, grabbing a bus, getting off in the middle of the ride, taking a bus ride back to lipa, and now blogging).
love is not an issue. i love her. but to what extent has that love evolved into? true, things have changed for us. i call it maturation of the relationship; she calls it frigidity on my part. inasmuch as i would want to remain the sweet lil' ol' me, the times are asking me to be otherwise. can a sweet man be a family head? i don't think so.
"suddenly, it strikes you," said the pig. "in spite
of the vastness of this world, you actually have nowhere to go to.
i am nowhere near where i'm supposed to be."
"where are you supposed to be?" asked the bird from nowehere.
"home," the restless swine announced, looking up at the branch where the bird was perched, "wherever that is. it's where i could just cuddle and cry all day. where i could stare blankly at the wall and not be called looney. where someone is there for me, regardless of whoever and whatever i have become no." he said, then said, "i'm lost."
flapping his wings, the bird said, "home, they say, is where the heart is. why don't you follow the beat and see where it leads you?"
disillusioned, the pig replied, "what if the heart falls flat to the floor and stops beating? where do i go from there? do i wait for it to beat again? or lay flat on belly with it?"
this morning she said i shouldn't worry. she was still mine, and the wedding will push through. that nothing could change that. but things did, and they are. she seemed as if she was getting married because she was obligated to, not because she wanted to. that then, didn't feel right. not at all. i don't want her to marry me just because the things have been laid out. i want her to marry me because she wants to. because she can bear with the atrocity that i am.
i more saddened than relieved by blogging these things. but nonetheless, at least i have said my piece. whatever happens within the course of the day, in shallah. i'm going to the movies after this. be safe.
Oct 21, 2006
NO IMPEDIMENT
i got my wedding banns today. "no impediment" it typed at the back.
i wondered what if there were any? would i kill to silence that person?
who knows. people have done stranger things.
impediments though, take a lot of forms. texts, stares, guilty feelings.
who knows, right?
***
yesterday, i finished the post prod for my short film. dubbed BUS, the film was fairly ok. as the director, i thought some parts were actually mediocre. but i think all it needs is a final twitch to make it extra ok ;p
BUS is a story of chance encounters in public transport. having encountered a groping incident, the lead role (played by cj villena), is torn between understanding why he was groped and why he liked it. other questions like personal inhibitions and sexuality start to arise for the protagonist, as helped by the co-star (played by japson tolentino) who gropes cj in the bus. twists of fate then turn the groping incident to a whimsical relationship held together only by the incident's left queries. shot in the urbane lipa and batangas cities, BUS is a quiet look at incidents that happen right under our noses. better yet, on our laps, legs and crotches.
i'm previewing the film at the mass com lab this coming monday at 11am.
come watch if you have time aight? ;p
hey there...
i got my wedding banns today. "no impediment" it typed at the back.
i wondered what if there were any? would i kill to silence that person?
who knows. people have done stranger things.
impediments though, take a lot of forms. texts, stares, guilty feelings.
who knows, right?
***
yesterday, i finished the post prod for my short film. dubbed BUS, the film was fairly ok. as the director, i thought some parts were actually mediocre. but i think all it needs is a final twitch to make it extra ok ;p
BUS is a story of chance encounters in public transport. having encountered a groping incident, the lead role (played by cj villena), is torn between understanding why he was groped and why he liked it. other questions like personal inhibitions and sexuality start to arise for the protagonist, as helped by the co-star (played by japson tolentino) who gropes cj in the bus. twists of fate then turn the groping incident to a whimsical relationship held together only by the incident's left queries. shot in the urbane lipa and batangas cities, BUS is a quiet look at incidents that happen right under our noses. better yet, on our laps, legs and crotches.
i'm previewing the film at the mass com lab this coming monday at 11am.
come watch if you have time aight? ;p
hey there...
Oct 6, 2006
ANG KWENTO NG IPINAGWASIWAS NA BABOY
ilang beses na nga ba tayong ipinagwasiwas?
isa? sampu? makailang libo?
mag pusong ginutay-gutay ng luha,
at pinag-ige ang giling sa pamamagitan
ng gilangang bato ng kapalaran?
hala, hindi ka nag-iisa, kaibigan. pagka't
ito ang kwento ng ipinagwasiwas na baboy-
isang barakong ikinulong ng sariling
pag-iimbot, pagtitika at karimlan;
habambuhay na palipat-lipat ng daratnan,
ng yayakapin, na kakastahan.
ang kaawa-awang baboy na nagsimula
sa isang biik na pinaghambalos ng pilapil
na pulos tinik, ng makasariling pag-ibig
at pagtatago ng katotohanan.
ilang tao'y lumipas subali't nanatili
ang lahat ng galos, harhar ng mabatong
lupa na siyang malimit kahalikan.
lumipas ang taon, ang biik naging bulugan.
lumaki ang bayag, kahit nag-iisa lamang- kaysa
ulo lamang ang lumaki, kasama ng mga pata't
atay, balumbalunan. ang kuko'y nanigas,
ang buhok kumapal; makailang beses nangasta
ngunit hindi nakahanap ng matutuluyang sinapupunan.
hanggang kailan kailangang mangasta?
hangga't kaya? hanggang semilya'y maging animo'y nata?
dapithapon sa buhay ng baboy; malungkot ang pagsilip
ng buwang mapagbunyi sa di kalayuan.
nakikiayon ba siya sa lungkot ng bulugan? o siya'y
nangungutya at nakikipaghabulan?
walang nakakaalam. wala ni aninong may pakialam.
ito ang buhay ng baboy na ipinagwasiwas; walang kanlungan,
walang ligaya, ni kaunting liwanag
na nababanaagan.
Sep 30, 2006
Ayoko sa iba
Sayoako ay hindi magsasawa
Ano man ang iyong sabihin
Umasa ka ito ay diringgin
Madalas man na parang aso"t pusa
Giliw sa piling mo ako ay masaya
- ALIPIN by SHAMROCK
december 9 2006.
3pm.
one bride's maid; one maid of honor.
one groom's man; one best man.
three pairs of secondary sponsors.
five pairs of principle sponsors.
one nearby resort; 150 guests.
two rings; one vow.
wala nang urungan.
bulungan sa a-otso.
paalam, magpakailanman.
Sep 28, 2006
habang may kalsada,
may pag-asa.
- PAG-ASA by crystal dinglasan, abmc3
i've finished shooting my first short film.
it's called BUS. i haven't started editing it yet.
Lord knows, i'd love to have it join cinemalaya 2007.
i just don't know if i'm ready for it.
i'll post pictures for it soon.
just waiting for the power to go back on.
***
the fun part about BUS is that all of the actors (just two of them)
are straight.
i wrote, directed and lighted the scenes. i also posed as cameraman.
my other cameraman did the coverages. and posed as an extra in the film.
in all, it's a four-man production shot in a day and a half.
***
BUS is a story of chance encounters between luis and jaime.
jaime is a typical introvert- secluded and horny, but reserved.
he has apprehensions about what he wants in his life.
luis is a guy who enjoys groping people in the bus.
his chance encounter with jaime results in a one night stand.
jaime assumes that a relationship may be fostered because of the
physical contact involved, but eventualy realizes that his efforts
of finding love in the arms of luis, are futile.
***
i don't know if people will like it.
i hope they do. this is my 15-minute film. not that i'm scared
of showing it in public.
just a bit apprehensive, that's all.
i don't know if they're ready for it.
***
milenyo just passed. that darn storm caused a lot of powerlines to short.
lotsa people are wondering if bandista2k6 is gonna push through.
i hope so.
still here. hey
Sep 15, 2006
there's nothing sadder than
seeing the one you love walk away
after he/she's left you - watching
the distance between you grow bigger
and bigger,
until nothing's left between you
but just empty space
and a lot of silence.
-SOMEONE LIKE YOU
the speaker from GILAS who was supposed to do a talk on september 25 declined just now. that means i'm still a speaker short for the event. i am soooo dead.
one more. grr.
***
on the sidelight, grace says i've changed a bit over the past few weeks.
you know what? maybe i have. or maybe it's the wedding jitters getting the best of me. i don't know.
***
three months prior to the wedding, and i got half the budget more to find.
i'm lost in a sea of nothingness: financial nothingness? LOL
sana maayos na lahat ito...
sobra akong kinakabahan na...
Sep 9, 2006
Sep 7, 2006
kanino nananahan
ang katahimikang mailap?
sa langit, mga ulap?
o sa putik, lupang marumi't naaagnas?
sa aling lilom ng puno nananaghoy
ang pag-ibig na maramot?
sa dalampasigang marahas?
o sa bubungang lata'ng mapag-imbot?
sa iilang pirasong ulap
na ngayo'y nangagsisilaro,
saang palad mahahanap
ang kaligtasang inaasam nuon pa?
kung ang langit, dalampasigan
lupa't mga palad ay nagdarahop,
may kakikitaan pa bang awa
sa paningin ng mga bituin?
had a long day. really long day.
ingat po palagi ;p
Sep 4, 2006
the day started off pretty okay. or so i thought.
the tarpaulin for the mass com and paralegal majors arrived. much to my dismay, the tarp sizes were not right- two were 5x3ft (paralegal) and two were 2x2ft (mass com). dapat kasi tig-isang 5x3ft ang mass com at paralegal. grr.
i had no choice but to settle for what i was given.
my letters for the budget and the materials for the convention were approved anyway.
***
before my day was over, the cheerdancers' make-up artist trisha came to school asking for the money the kids owed him/her.
much to my dismay, i was surprised why s/he came knocking at my classroom door. i did not know anything about the arrangement. all i knew was that they agreed to pay him/her around P300, and nothing more. turns out, trisha was asking for P800.
i asked if trisha and ian (the CASE student assistant) if they could consult the dean about the dilemma; they obliged.
at the department, dr. j called up all the students involved. things were eventually settled, and trisha got her money. or so i thought.
late this afternoon, trisha started texting me again, saying that she had been receiving foul-worded SMS; s/he wanted to return the money. i told him/her that it didn't matter. she got paid, and that's it.
***
prior to my fetching grace, the communication specialist of IRRI (she is supposed to be one of the speakers for the CALABARZON convention) backed out of the speaking engagement, saying that she had a business trip to vietnam from sept 20-28. my world crumbled like three-day old cookies left out in the sun to dry. top this with my dad's bad joke about my mom leaving the house for good - 'cause apparently they were fighting before i arrived (my dad was out drinking all night, that's why).
***
i'm actually scrambling to find a new speaker for the convention within the week. the trip to uplb has been canceled because of complexities in scheduling. this means that the kids have to produce development films without any other added knowledge. darn it.
***
wish me luck aight?
holler me up.
mwah.
Sep 2, 2006
Aug 30, 2006
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ROCKS PRAY?
TILT YOUR HEAD TO THE LEFT, AND SEE.
today was a quasi-productive day for me.
woke up at around 4am, and started layouting the invite for the communication convention (almost 200 people have committed to attend the event; don't worry, i'm done with the wedding invites).
took me a while to design something simple enough for the marketing peeps to reproduce, but not too mediocre that it'd look stupid.
THE DAY BEFORE
the foreign service majors went to greenbelt for the 2006 german silent film festival. much to their (and my) dismay, the tickets were sold out five minutes before they arrived at the venue- this was contrary to what the goethe institut told me three weeks ago: that the event did not require reservations.
i was so frantic that i did not sleep until all the kids got home safely. and then there's the matter of paying the van they used. grr.
***
took breakfast in the bus - one bottle of mineral water and enerva solution. when i got to school (not to my surprise), the parade hadn't started yet. i got a burger (an a puff) for breakfast.
parade started around 8.30am; cheerdance, around 10am. markie was insisting i had something to confess. i did not budge LOL
***
when i got home, i dropped by the printing press and ordered some cardboard for the invitations. paper will arrive on friday. since i've already done the design, all i'll have to do is print it when all revisions have been made.
this afternoon down till early evening, we finished the master guest list. 120 people are slated to come; and my wallet says 'ouch' LOL
***
i'm spending for the wedding. almost all of it.
heck, all of it.
bought my mom an eggpearl necklace. hope she likes it.
it's her birthday on sept 16th.
i'll just buy myself a soda float on my birthday.
wala na akong pera eh ;p
be safe, always.
still here po.
Aug 20, 2006
it's almost here - almost at the tip of my fingers.
i'm almost there.
getting hitched, i mean.
we've just finished finalizing how the
invitations might look like -
fonts, colors, design. (yung ilalaman na lang, i.e.
the entourage, ang hindi pa masyadong napapag-usapan.)
we've also decided to use CDs
(and mylen's gifts) as souvenirs for the ceremony.
we're still figuring out, though,where to hold the reception.
the idea of having it at el grande has crossed our minds
but grace is hesitant because of the "dim past" el grande holds
(it used to be a favorite motorist lodge in the late 90s).
we might try la corona.
as for the gown, i've seen the design she wants;
i'll look for a gown to modify na lang siguro
(i have no budget for the fancier ones,
since i'm spending for everything LOL).
i've seen an orange-hued barong at onesimus-
it has hand-painted baroque designs on it.
i also found a cute cake to match the motiff-
it's three layers of carrot cake
drapped in white fondant. the middle layer is colored yellow.
the cake is dressed up by sunflowers and orange slices (i'm serious).
bale simbahan na lang ang kulang LOL
***
on the heavier side, some teacher (let's give her the acronym T.M.)-
the one who raised her voice at me a few weeks ago -
raised the issue again at the teachers' meeting with the VPAA recently.
looks like things still aren't quite okay with her.
what does she want from me?!
now the other teachers are staring at me
like i was a criminal or something; some are even shying away from me.
although i don't really care.
i love my job; i love what i'm doing.
i love my kids, my friends, and the radio.
i love grace above most.
that's what's important, right?
i dunno how things'll go for the wedding.
sobrang dami kong iniisip. sana magawa kong lahat.
ei, still here ;p
i'm almost there.
getting hitched, i mean.
we've just finished finalizing how the
invitations might look like -
fonts, colors, design. (yung ilalaman na lang, i.e.
the entourage, ang hindi pa masyadong napapag-usapan.)
we've also decided to use CDs
(and mylen's gifts) as souvenirs for the ceremony.
we're still figuring out, though,where to hold the reception.
the idea of having it at el grande has crossed our minds
but grace is hesitant because of the "dim past" el grande holds
(it used to be a favorite motorist lodge in the late 90s).
we might try la corona.
as for the gown, i've seen the design she wants;
i'll look for a gown to modify na lang siguro
(i have no budget for the fancier ones,
since i'm spending for everything LOL).
i've seen an orange-hued barong at onesimus-
it has hand-painted baroque designs on it.
i also found a cute cake to match the motiff-
it's three layers of carrot cake
drapped in white fondant. the middle layer is colored yellow.
the cake is dressed up by sunflowers and orange slices (i'm serious).
bale simbahan na lang ang kulang LOL
***
on the heavier side, some teacher (let's give her the acronym T.M.)-
the one who raised her voice at me a few weeks ago -
raised the issue again at the teachers' meeting with the VPAA recently.
looks like things still aren't quite okay with her.
what does she want from me?!
now the other teachers are staring at me
like i was a criminal or something; some are even shying away from me.
although i don't really care.
i love my job; i love what i'm doing.
i love my kids, my friends, and the radio.
i love grace above most.
that's what's important, right?
i dunno how things'll go for the wedding.
sobrang dami kong iniisip. sana magawa kong lahat.
ei, still here ;p
Aug 14, 2006
honestly, masama ang loob ko sa pamilya ko ngayon. LAGI NAMAN EH. i feel like the only reason why i exist and live in the house is because i give money.
a couple of nights ago, my father asked if i had money. naubusan daw the gasul. my family hasn't really been the same since my mom resigned from work. i mean, ever freakin' time, i have to shelf out money for them (unlike before).
not that i'm totally complaining, but i just feel like i don't have an obligation to help out. the only reason why i give money is because i want to. because i understand the family's situation. but not like this.
call it selective perception, but why is it, everytime - after i give money during the 15th and 30th of the month - my clothes get washed, i have dinner waiting for me when i get home, the mood at home is lighter than usual. as for the rest of the days in the month, everything's dragging, a lot of eerie silence after dinner (if i get any), awkwardness.
just now, on my way home, my sister texted me up. my dad didn't make any money today (he works in the cockpit as a kristo). he's asking if i got paid na for the 15th. i honestly went to the bank prior to sending grace home; this was to no avail. i believe the school would pay us up by tomorrow morning pa, since it doesn't release salaries on a monday (chinese belief).
i've started developing qualms over the married scenario now - what if i get married? would i still be marred by the same "obligation"? what of MY family then? would my responsibility towards my family supersede the family i'd be building? that really doesn't sound fair to me.
***
on the lighter side, we've already bought cd's for the souvenirs. add the fact that my future mother-in-law is starting to seemingly like me, and things are a bit okay.
have a great day, y'all.
;p
Aug 10, 2006
no. i'm not writing about lanate (adj, hairy) people.
i just noticed that a lot of events're happening this coming september, and the school's all fuzzy about it.
i mean, i'm glad that everyone discovered that preparation for events should take around one to two months prior to the event, but geez, it's like everyone's being asked to do all the preparations all at the same time!
***
i'm getting wearisome for the coming communication convention. it's like noone from the mass communication association is helping me out. i feel like everyone's forcus is at bandista (a bandshowdown i stopped coordinatiing to make way for the new radio management; and because some teachers were starting to question my visibility in all mass com events).
it's like everyone is working for that, and i'm left alone to work on the convention by myself. grr. i know mylen will help me out. i guess i just have to ask first; but i feel that the kids are too focused on bandista, and not on the convention.
what's even worse, director joey reyes hasn't replied just yet for the convention. i'm calling him later this afternoon.
i hope things go as planned. i'd hate to be put in a position where embarassment meets remorse.
Aug 4, 2006
this week has got to be one of the most challenging weeks that i've ever had so far.
couple of things happened:
1. a student questioned my authority in class. i was addressing the majority of the department's plans to call the attention of parents of students whose absenteeism was becoming frequent. one reacted; although he wasn't one of the students i called attention, he started asking me to show my class record as proof. he was saying this in an intimidating tone. i was flushed. i acknoeledged his concern and sat down. my BP went up.
2. that very afternoon, grace and i had a fight. she left her wallet at the office - money, atm and all. i didn't go balistic, but i told her i was a bit disappointed. that statement blew out of proportion. the following morning, she was giving me back the engagement ring. needless to say, my BP went up. mid-day the following day, we were texting "loveu" again.
3. i was called to my attention by a teacher who was complaining about procedural use of the mass com lab. i told her that i could not decide whether or not she could be given a form so she could use the lab next tuesday. all hell broke loose, and she started raising my voice at me (don't worry, i was calm, collected and civil. i laughed after she left).
4. this afternoon, mylen talked to me, telling me that some faculty were talking bad things about me: that i was becoming boastful; that i was becoming too officious and too "visible" in almost all activities; that i was fastly becoming the "lord of the mass com people"; that people were noticing my exposures more than they should. i broke down and cried to mylen.
the week was more than enough to handle.
darn week. keep close aight?
;p
Jul 23, 2006
the best gifst you give me everyday:
your smile,
your hugs;
your laughter
your touch.
your hands,
your head on my shoulder;
your lips,
your kiss.
your eyes,
your tears;
your heart,
your love.
you.
it's been a while. ei, i went overboard the other day and got myself a digital camera. LOL. hope things'll look up for the remainder of the year. yeah. might get hitched. who knows, db?
i don't know how i'd feel when i'd walk the aisle. dammit, hope i don't breakdown and cry LOL it's gonna be a real experience though. hope i live through it.
honestly,i'm a bit anxious about it; hopefully, this'll pass.
my bestfriend dropped by this afternoon (together with his new flavor of the month he aptly calls his "asawa"- a 30-something guy who's from makati), and messed everything up with grace. good thing i fixed things after he left. *sigh* don't you just hate it when your best man hates the bride (and versa).
i'm in quite a fix here LOL hope things turn out ok.
still here. gimme a holler.
Jul 16, 2006
FOUND THIS IN MY MAIL. VERY RELEVANT TO MY SCHOOL'S VALUES FORMATION GOALS.
What do you get when you mix red and yellow? Orange, of course.
So why do so many of us see the world in black and white. Every one of us knows exactly what is right and what is wrong. Funny how our certain knowledge differs from person to person. Could we both be right? In most cases, yes. Because we are all seeing orange, just different shades of it.
In a few cases, someone mixes red and yellow and sees blue. Oops. We have a problem. But most of us know the difference between right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate, etc.
What to do? Hold on to your beliefs and values, as they are important to who you are. But respect others whose views might not be identical. After all, they are not you, and their beliefs and values are important to who they are, too.
Jul 8, 2006
Jul 3, 2006
parine ka
sinsay muna
akapin ang umagang
luha man ang dala'y
may liwanag pa din; kahit pa
pita mo'y lugmok,
walanag saysay- pulos dusa.
oy, parine ka't
sinsay muna.
it has been a while. lotsa things happened.
fights. OTHER fights. other people. other hearts.
more tears. more sweat. lotsa other fights.
lotsa other things. gibberish, i know.
losing people is something i'm an expert at.
deember's coming up; i just hope i don't lose everything.
i hope i don't lose my sanity.
i have nothing to talk about other than
things that should not be talked about-
now i'm starting to feel like my capacity to move people
is slowly diminishing; that i might not be the same as before.
i've become more indifferent, at times; i hate it.
i don't know how this'll continue.
she's right. i AM not fully happy.
i dunno when i'll see more smiles than indifference.
hopefully, soon.
the bellfry cries of the widow's song;
she weeps for the vestment that walks the night-
all billowy, soft and yet
scathed by tears, scars, shrieks, love, defiance.
hail, the bellfry kisses the night;
she wails for reality that never was.
she slithers into the sand, not knowing
the sand is quicken; it shows no mercy.
Jun 15, 2006
nag-away kami ngayon;
walang bago duon.
ano'ng bago?
nag-away kami dahil sa mais.
dahil sa puta'ng ina'ng mais.
hindi maitatagong galit ako;
galit din siya.
dahil hindi ko binayaran
ang puta'ng ina'ng mais na yun
nabawasan ang baon nya.
ngayon, pakiramdam nya
hindi ko kayang punan ang mga pangngailangan nya;
wala na'ng tiwala sa kakayanan kong
buhayin siya pagkatapos ng kasal-
sa pagkakataong mawalan siya ng trabaho.
puta'ng ina'ng mais na yun.
isinisumpa ko lahat ng puta'ng ina'ng mais.
sa pagkakataong ito
naramdaman kong sobrang nayapakan
ang pagkalalaki ko.
masakit. tagos. puta'ng ina'ng mais na yun.
sana hindi na lang ako nag-alok na bumili;
sana itinapon ko na lang lahat
sa kalsada ang kuldron ng puta'ng ina'ng mais.
sana nagpabangga na lang ako
kesa bumili ng puta'ng ina'ng mais.
ngayon, aniya, hindi ko naiintindihan
ang mga pangangailangan nya; na natatakot na siya.
na hindi siya sigurado kung
kaya ko ba siyang buhayin.
puta'ng ina'ng mais na yun.
kanina pa ko sa simbahan;
sinusubukan kong magdasal-
pero blangko ang utak ko.
sinusubukan kong umiyak;
huli na. puta'ng ina'ng mais na yun.
halos masira ang pindutang ito;
halos tumulo ang luha ko-
kaya lang, wala na talaga.
bahala na bukas. dahil sa puta'ng ina'ng mais na yun.
gusto kong sumigaw; hindi ko na kaya.
gusto kong umiyak; wala nang itulo.
gusto kong himingi ng kahit konting
pagpapahalaga mula sa puta'ng ina'ng mais na yun.
e wala talaga.
Jun 9, 2006
more often than not, we prepare ourselves for the worst case scenarios:
we have fire drills for fire;
earthquake drills for earth shakers;
and recently, tsunami drills for tremors near coasrlines.
but have we ever prepared for the best case scenarios?
can we ever be prepared for them?
today i went to UP Diliman to catch dr. gerry josue of the philippine association for communication education. i'm planning to get all the comm teachers to become affiliated with PACE so that we'd get invited to the pinoy media congress this coming august *devilish laugh*
before, only arnie got to join PACE. i thought it'd be great to get all of us, school, teachers and students (through the AMIC YOUTH COMMUNICATORS ORG) to become members of PACE and AMIC (an international organization on communication, networks and research). i went all the way to UPD just to get three... mind you, three... pieces of paper. grr. and yehey.
i got off at ayala. took the mrt and what happened next? i got the wrong train?! LOL ayun, i had to hitch another ride goign all the way to quezon ave. where wally and his new "friend" leonard were waiting. twas a great surprise altogether, since wally wasn't sure he could make it to accompany me to UPD-CMC, and then, leonard tagged along on his way to ateneo.
(leonard is 24, an ateneo graduate of bs psychology, and works for a special project under the office of the president. prior to rey, he has asked wally out a couple of times. after rey, he stepped in as a shoulder to cry on. he taking good care of wally so far. i'm glad :p )
on the way to cmc, wally and leonard talked - with me occasionally butting in hehe. they're planning to join the san mig enduro race, and were just waiting for the other physical requirements to come out two weeks prior to the competition.
i got to cmc, found dr. josue and got the papers i needed. we went to the graduate school and then got my requirements for the PhD i'm planning to take ;p then went to the college of arts and letters for wally's incomplete subjects in his MA for theatre arts.
after a cooling tall glass of melon juice courtesy of saraa canteen, wally and i started to walk towards the jeepney stop. we talked about rey and how he's coping with the fact that he's left his life. he was still a bit into rey, but i'm glad to find out that he's found reasons to back up his decision to leave the relationship altogether.
on the jeep, he told me how aileen (a friend of his) tohim how he wasn't ready for leonard. wally was asking, how'd i react if you find the one that's best for me, and how i'd do everything to keep the relationship alive. rey, according to wally, wasn't as optimistic. in his words "if i find even an iota of uncertainty, i'd get out of the relationship", even if he said that wally was the best thing that happened to him.
wally went on, talking about how leonard took care of him after the boracay dragon boat race (wally didn't have the chance to row; they were outmanned). how leonard made him feel like a winner even if he didn't even went through the race. how leonard is making him feel what he gave his past bf's. i got to conclude, maybe leonard IS what's best for wally; maybe wally IS ready for leonard.
on the bus ride home i got to thinking: what do i do if i find what's best? wally asked me, what if you find what's best? or someone better that what you thought was best? how would i react?
i realized that i wouldn't want to spend eternity looking and waiting for someone who was best- someone who met the standards of what was "best". maybe i could settle for what was given to me and who i have right now. i've had people who made me feel loved, yes, but they all left me eventually- realizing that who i was wasn't best enough for them. or maybe, i was just not what suited THEIR standards.
wally made me realize that who i have may not be the best, nor meets the criteria. but she damn well makes me feel loved. and i'm happy with just that. i hope wally gets the same feeling.
we have fire drills for fire;
earthquake drills for earth shakers;
and recently, tsunami drills for tremors near coasrlines.
but have we ever prepared for the best case scenarios?
can we ever be prepared for them?
today i went to UP Diliman to catch dr. gerry josue of the philippine association for communication education. i'm planning to get all the comm teachers to become affiliated with PACE so that we'd get invited to the pinoy media congress this coming august *devilish laugh*
before, only arnie got to join PACE. i thought it'd be great to get all of us, school, teachers and students (through the AMIC YOUTH COMMUNICATORS ORG) to become members of PACE and AMIC (an international organization on communication, networks and research). i went all the way to UPD just to get three... mind you, three... pieces of paper. grr. and yehey.
i got off at ayala. took the mrt and what happened next? i got the wrong train?! LOL ayun, i had to hitch another ride goign all the way to quezon ave. where wally and his new "friend" leonard were waiting. twas a great surprise altogether, since wally wasn't sure he could make it to accompany me to UPD-CMC, and then, leonard tagged along on his way to ateneo.
(leonard is 24, an ateneo graduate of bs psychology, and works for a special project under the office of the president. prior to rey, he has asked wally out a couple of times. after rey, he stepped in as a shoulder to cry on. he taking good care of wally so far. i'm glad :p )
on the way to cmc, wally and leonard talked - with me occasionally butting in hehe. they're planning to join the san mig enduro race, and were just waiting for the other physical requirements to come out two weeks prior to the competition.
i got to cmc, found dr. josue and got the papers i needed. we went to the graduate school and then got my requirements for the PhD i'm planning to take ;p then went to the college of arts and letters for wally's incomplete subjects in his MA for theatre arts.
after a cooling tall glass of melon juice courtesy of saraa canteen, wally and i started to walk towards the jeepney stop. we talked about rey and how he's coping with the fact that he's left his life. he was still a bit into rey, but i'm glad to find out that he's found reasons to back up his decision to leave the relationship altogether.
on the jeep, he told me how aileen (a friend of his) tohim how he wasn't ready for leonard. wally was asking, how'd i react if you find the one that's best for me, and how i'd do everything to keep the relationship alive. rey, according to wally, wasn't as optimistic. in his words "if i find even an iota of uncertainty, i'd get out of the relationship", even if he said that wally was the best thing that happened to him.
wally went on, talking about how leonard took care of him after the boracay dragon boat race (wally didn't have the chance to row; they were outmanned). how leonard made him feel like a winner even if he didn't even went through the race. how leonard is making him feel what he gave his past bf's. i got to conclude, maybe leonard IS what's best for wally; maybe wally IS ready for leonard.
on the bus ride home i got to thinking: what do i do if i find what's best? wally asked me, what if you find what's best? or someone better that what you thought was best? how would i react?
i realized that i wouldn't want to spend eternity looking and waiting for someone who was best- someone who met the standards of what was "best". maybe i could settle for what was given to me and who i have right now. i've had people who made me feel loved, yes, but they all left me eventually- realizing that who i was wasn't best enough for them. or maybe, i was just not what suited THEIR standards.
wally made me realize that who i have may not be the best, nor meets the criteria. but she damn well makes me feel loved. and i'm happy with just that. i hope wally gets the same feeling.
May 26, 2006
don't fight people who are either below or above your own level.
you are no match for those higher than yours; those below are a waste of time.
i'm really excited for the coming school year.
so excited, i could actually taste it in the air.
summer's over. yipee.
here are some of the things that happened to me this summer:
1. i was kicked out of the radio station.
2. i got promoted as department chairman for mass communications.
3. i got keratitis (an inflammation of the cornea). i was legally blind for three weeks. could not see at dusk and at dawn. as in.
4. i spent a few thousand pesos for new contact lenses and new eyeglasses (this even though the school has not given my salary all summer. thank you, Jesus.).
5. i met new friends. they're helping me out with my seminars for this coming semester. the likes of a former pinoy/brazilian franciscan monk-cum-dj, a CGI supervisor for captain barbel, and a department chairman for psychology.
6. i learned how to improve my html skills.
7. i finished one action research on stress manifestations.
8. i got to attend a seminar on communication impact at UPLB.
9. through diet and angel, the radio has launched its new tarpaulin. and got itself a new batch of radio personnel.
10. i've lost my cookies for this page yet again.
this is just a run-through of the most important things that happened this summer.
more to come. don't worry. devilish LOL
keep in touch
:p
you are no match for those higher than yours; those below are a waste of time.
i'm really excited for the coming school year.
so excited, i could actually taste it in the air.
summer's over. yipee.
here are some of the things that happened to me this summer:
1. i was kicked out of the radio station.
2. i got promoted as department chairman for mass communications.
3. i got keratitis (an inflammation of the cornea). i was legally blind for three weeks. could not see at dusk and at dawn. as in.
4. i spent a few thousand pesos for new contact lenses and new eyeglasses (this even though the school has not given my salary all summer. thank you, Jesus.).
5. i met new friends. they're helping me out with my seminars for this coming semester. the likes of a former pinoy/brazilian franciscan monk-cum-dj, a CGI supervisor for captain barbel, and a department chairman for psychology.
6. i learned how to improve my html skills.
7. i finished one action research on stress manifestations.
8. i got to attend a seminar on communication impact at UPLB.
9. through diet and angel, the radio has launched its new tarpaulin. and got itself a new batch of radio personnel.
10. i've lost my cookies for this page yet again.
this is just a run-through of the most important things that happened this summer.
more to come. don't worry. devilish LOL
keep in touch
:p
May 14, 2006
it's been a while since i've posted anything here.
(if you only knew how much i wanted to write.)
anyway, i (almost) lost my eyes to keratitis (inflammation of the cornea) recently due to severe irritation. the culprit? my contact lenses. as of typing, i could barely see the keyboard, let along the screen. but i am trying. bare with me.
for the next two weeks i will not be allowed to use contacts, or at least until my eyes are well. i actually ordered a new pair of lenses, but the stocks were out. my glasses will arrive two mondays from now. so here i am now. blind as a bat. almost.
***
that aside, a friend of mine is asking me to put up a writer's group for batangueños. i have started gathering friends and colleagues as initial members of the group. we shall focus on batangueño poetry and children's literature for the time being. if you're interested, just gimme a holler. if given the break, our work might be published. the group is backed by the CCP and the UST creative writing society. initial fundings are now being worked out through the NCCA.
***
we have also hailed the newest batch of campus radio personnel. wanna see?
***
speaking of the radio, the marketing the department is taking over the programming scheds. i will not let them. (devilish laugh)
***
lastly, i got "promoted".
i am now the department chairman for mass communications.
two years. two long years.
mukhang dadami ang kaaway ko nito.
gimme a holler aight?
peace out
(if you only knew how much i wanted to write.)
anyway, i (almost) lost my eyes to keratitis (inflammation of the cornea) recently due to severe irritation. the culprit? my contact lenses. as of typing, i could barely see the keyboard, let along the screen. but i am trying. bare with me.
for the next two weeks i will not be allowed to use contacts, or at least until my eyes are well. i actually ordered a new pair of lenses, but the stocks were out. my glasses will arrive two mondays from now. so here i am now. blind as a bat. almost.
***
that aside, a friend of mine is asking me to put up a writer's group for batangueños. i have started gathering friends and colleagues as initial members of the group. we shall focus on batangueño poetry and children's literature for the time being. if you're interested, just gimme a holler. if given the break, our work might be published. the group is backed by the CCP and the UST creative writing society. initial fundings are now being worked out through the NCCA.
***
we have also hailed the newest batch of campus radio personnel. wanna see?
***
speaking of the radio, the marketing the department is taking over the programming scheds. i will not let them. (devilish laugh)
***
lastly, i got "promoted".
i am now the department chairman for mass communications.
two years. two long years.
mukhang dadami ang kaaway ko nito.
gimme a holler aight?
peace out
May 5, 2006
MGA BATANGUEÑO!!!
NAIS NINYO BANG MAGING BAHAGI NG ISANG LUPON NG MGA BATANGUEÑONG MANUNULA AT MANANALAYSAY NG PANITIKANG PAMBATA?
PLUMANG BARAKO
MAG-EMAIL NA NG INYONG PANGALAN, EDAD AT MGA HALIMBAWA NG INYONG MGA NAISULAT SA
carlovenson@yahoo.com o
Jericho_apao@yahoo.com
MAGING BAHAGI NG PINAKABAGONG LUPON NG MANUNULA AT MANANALAYSAY SA BATANGAS!
PLUMANG BARAKO
SA PAKIKIPAGTULUNGAN NG CULTURAL CENTER OF THE PHILIPPINES, UST SOCIETY FOR CREATIVE WRITING AT NATIONAL CENTER FOR CULTURE AND THE ARTS.
PARA SA KARAGDAGANG MGA DETALYE, HANAPIN LAMANG SI TATAY ECHO SA CASE DEPT., LYCEUM OF BATANGAS, O TUMAWAG SA BILANG 723-3813.
MAAARI RING MAG-EMAIL SA NABANGGIT NA EMAIL ADDRESS O MAG-IWAN NG MENSAHE SA SHOUTBOX DITO.
NAIS NINYO BANG MAGING BAHAGI NG ISANG LUPON NG MGA BATANGUEÑONG MANUNULA AT MANANALAYSAY NG PANITIKANG PAMBATA?
PLUMANG BARAKO
MAG-EMAIL NA NG INYONG PANGALAN, EDAD AT MGA HALIMBAWA NG INYONG MGA NAISULAT SA
carlovenson@yahoo.com o
Jericho_apao@yahoo.com
MAGING BAHAGI NG PINAKABAGONG LUPON NG MANUNULA AT MANANALAYSAY SA BATANGAS!
PLUMANG BARAKO
SA PAKIKIPAGTULUNGAN NG CULTURAL CENTER OF THE PHILIPPINES, UST SOCIETY FOR CREATIVE WRITING AT NATIONAL CENTER FOR CULTURE AND THE ARTS.
PARA SA KARAGDAGANG MGA DETALYE, HANAPIN LAMANG SI TATAY ECHO SA CASE DEPT., LYCEUM OF BATANGAS, O TUMAWAG SA BILANG 723-3813.
MAAARI RING MAG-EMAIL SA NABANGGIT NA EMAIL ADDRESS O MAG-IWAN NG MENSAHE SA SHOUTBOX DITO.
Apr 29, 2006
it's been a while.
i never thought that day would come. but it did. it was frightening. my last three days of airing. grr.
***
much to my enjoyment, i was recently hailed as the new department chairman for mass communications, after graduating from my masterate at BSU (although the registrar has yet to release my TOR). i start on may 2.
but it wasn't the cabinet cleaning or the turn-over of files that bothered me when i received the text message from arex (the college secretary); i was faced with the fact that i might not air EVER again.
hell froze over. today is my last day of airing.
***
thursday and friday, my airings were passé. as if things were going to turn out okay. i had just finished off the last of the bull sessions with the kids, have started planning for the welcome party, and have taken time to go out with friends. all was supposed to be well.
friday everning comes, i had no sweldo. that was the start of it.
***
when i got into the station today, it sank in.
today was my last day to air. EVER.
i did the program as usual - campus almusal. a few minor glitches, and some hang-ups but generally the program went on smoothly. four minutes before i said adieu, i thanked everyone who became a part of my life for the past four years at the campus radio - the batches of djs, the listeners, the food house, everyone.
the minute i slid back the channel for my mic, i burst into tears. finally, it sank - deep. i was leaving the radio. for good. i didn't let go of the mic stand for a good three minutes. i just held on to it, crying.
four years working on something where you've put heart and soul, sweat and lotsa time, laughter and even more tears; it all sank in. i cried so hard, the kids (aries, sydney and apollo) started crying as well. i knew i had to be strong for them, but i couldn't stop crying...
i just couldn't.
***
for everyone who has become part of my radio career (if there was any) for the past four years of the campus radio, thank you. i bid goodbye with a heavy heart, but with a lot of aspiration, hoping the all will be well... for everyone.
thank you.
i never thought that day would come. but it did. it was frightening. my last three days of airing. grr.
***
much to my enjoyment, i was recently hailed as the new department chairman for mass communications, after graduating from my masterate at BSU (although the registrar has yet to release my TOR). i start on may 2.
but it wasn't the cabinet cleaning or the turn-over of files that bothered me when i received the text message from arex (the college secretary); i was faced with the fact that i might not air EVER again.
hell froze over. today is my last day of airing.
***
thursday and friday, my airings were passé. as if things were going to turn out okay. i had just finished off the last of the bull sessions with the kids, have started planning for the welcome party, and have taken time to go out with friends. all was supposed to be well.
friday everning comes, i had no sweldo. that was the start of it.
***
when i got into the station today, it sank in.
today was my last day to air. EVER.
i did the program as usual - campus almusal. a few minor glitches, and some hang-ups but generally the program went on smoothly. four minutes before i said adieu, i thanked everyone who became a part of my life for the past four years at the campus radio - the batches of djs, the listeners, the food house, everyone.
the minute i slid back the channel for my mic, i burst into tears. finally, it sank - deep. i was leaving the radio. for good. i didn't let go of the mic stand for a good three minutes. i just held on to it, crying.
four years working on something where you've put heart and soul, sweat and lotsa time, laughter and even more tears; it all sank in. i cried so hard, the kids (aries, sydney and apollo) started crying as well. i knew i had to be strong for them, but i couldn't stop crying...
i just couldn't.
***
for everyone who has become part of my radio career (if there was any) for the past four years of the campus radio, thank you. i bid goodbye with a heavy heart, but with a lot of aspiration, hoping the all will be well... for everyone.
thank you.
Apr 22, 2006
i don't know how to describe
what i'm feeling right now.
i'm sad.
very, i guess.
i've been eating since this morning
but to no avail.
my body feels so heavy.
i'm dragging myself.
i just want to sink - vanish - somewhere people won't see me.
no air, no light. no love, i guess.
she's going somewhere. without me.
i'm scared. afraid. longing. doubtful?
i don't know.
i'm just plain stupid.
that's what i am.
plain, freakin' stupid.
what i'm feeling right now.
i'm sad.
very, i guess.
i've been eating since this morning
but to no avail.
my body feels so heavy.
i'm dragging myself.
i just want to sink - vanish - somewhere people won't see me.
no air, no light. no love, i guess.
she's going somewhere. without me.
i'm scared. afraid. longing. doubtful?
i don't know.
i'm just plain stupid.
that's what i am.
plain, freakin' stupid.
Apr 19, 2006
sometimes i feel shitty.
tonight, i do.
we've been arguing
over lotsa things
since early last week
till this week.
wednesday night,
we started the squabble
over a hking activity.
she told me i made her feel
she wasn't my priority.
that i left her out of the picture.
it wasn't true, of course.
i planned everything out because
i wanted to spend the night
with her.
thursday morning,
we went to seven churches.
the day was tiring.
but i enjoyed.
at the end of the day,
my mom made a dark comment.
she went home sadder than ever.
friday morning,
there was a mix-up over
whether she was taking me to a trip
to the orchard or not.
we ended up with me walking
from the bustop back home.
saturday, we met up
but it still felt sad.
at least we saw each other.
sunday, the usual sunday mass.
felt good.
monday, tuesday;
these went by as regular days.
no squabble there.
wednesday night- tonight,
we fought over a day & night cream.
and me being disappointed over
a disapproved activity for my work.
i felt like she was not supportive enough.
she felt the chill; she had to retaliate.
i felt the cold steel lunge into my heart
and it stayed there.
until now.
i'm hurting.
darn it.
tonight, i do.
we've been arguing
over lotsa things
since early last week
till this week.
wednesday night,
we started the squabble
over a hking activity.
she told me i made her feel
she wasn't my priority.
that i left her out of the picture.
it wasn't true, of course.
i planned everything out because
i wanted to spend the night
with her.
thursday morning,
we went to seven churches.
the day was tiring.
but i enjoyed.
at the end of the day,
my mom made a dark comment.
she went home sadder than ever.
friday morning,
there was a mix-up over
whether she was taking me to a trip
to the orchard or not.
we ended up with me walking
from the bustop back home.
saturday, we met up
but it still felt sad.
at least we saw each other.
sunday, the usual sunday mass.
felt good.
monday, tuesday;
these went by as regular days.
no squabble there.
wednesday night- tonight,
we fought over a day & night cream.
and me being disappointed over
a disapproved activity for my work.
i felt like she was not supportive enough.
she felt the chill; she had to retaliate.
i felt the cold steel lunge into my heart
and it stayed there.
until now.
i'm hurting.
darn it.
Apr 5, 2006
the Lord planned this to happen.
i am not entitled to total happiness
not even for one lousy day.
three days ago i was more than frantic over graduation day. it was so close, yet felt so far away. the follwoing events explain the reason why:
LATE LAST YEAR
there was a buzz over the rise and fall of BSU president ernesto de chavez. people were questioning his abilities to continue on with the presidency even in the presence of a new board of regents who was supposed to handle corporate management.
through the faculty and student regents, in assitance of several administrative officials, faculty and students, a series of silent and not-so-silent protests were made during the course of the first quarter of 2006. these culminated into the "throwing out" of de chavez from the presidency january.
but who told you it was over? a little over early february till the middle of march, "estong" was back in the president's office after getting a new TRO, now from a legit lawyer - he happens to belong to the same law firm as arroyo's lawyer.
LATE LAST WEEK
i was starting to think that i might not graduate at all. i was actually caught in the middle - at one end of the rope stood my adviser, prof. rachel DE CHAVEZ-evangelio. yes. she is the eldest daughter (i think) of estong. pulling the other end of the quagmire rop was prof. cynthia manalo - mother of devcom at bsu, my mentor and sometimes, professional confidant.
i was right in the middle of a crossfire whose casualties were students who were left half-dead by bullets of rivalry, point-of-views, and professional/personal intentions. i did not know how to react to what they wanted me to do.
up to the point that i had to have my final draft signed, these two personalities would hardly look, lest talk to each other. just this once, i thought, i could be a means to bridge a gap. lil' ol' me never learned anything from devcom concepts - never be messiahnic. darn it.
EARLY THIS WEEK
i was in a conundrum of wether or not i would graduate. the night before graduation i texted my adviser. my exact words:
mam, pag may nanggulo sa graduation ko
papatay ako ng tao. walang biro.
i have waited for this for so long.
ayokong mabulilyaso ito.
she aptly replied, saying that things'll be ok. that she wouldn't let the demons hovering over me get the best of me and the graduation. i told her i had complete faith in her. that i held on to until graduation day.
THIS MORNING
i was walking along the paved pathways of batangas city, on my way to BSU, when i felt butterflies making their way to my stomach. i was starting to shake like hell. needless to say, i was nervous. the night before i thought i would be the only person to graduate; but i told myself, no matter what, i'll march.
the moment i entered the university gates, i was in awe when i saw the students who lined up for graduation. I WASN'T ALONE. the butterflies were toast; they got digested.
when the parade started (a little over two hours after ETA), i was teary-eyed when i entered the gymnasium. mind you, i didn't even bother to when i graduated from my undergrad. but this was different. what i went through for my master's was more difficult. four years in graduate school for a lousy piece of paper rolled up into a cylinder and tied with a white piece of ribbon. damn, i loved the feeling. it was like taking a second degree. that's why it felt so good.
11am. i graduated.
finally.
and with little time to spare.
i am not entitled to total happiness
not even for one lousy day.
three days ago i was more than frantic over graduation day. it was so close, yet felt so far away. the follwoing events explain the reason why:
LATE LAST YEAR
there was a buzz over the rise and fall of BSU president ernesto de chavez. people were questioning his abilities to continue on with the presidency even in the presence of a new board of regents who was supposed to handle corporate management.
through the faculty and student regents, in assitance of several administrative officials, faculty and students, a series of silent and not-so-silent protests were made during the course of the first quarter of 2006. these culminated into the "throwing out" of de chavez from the presidency january.
but who told you it was over? a little over early february till the middle of march, "estong" was back in the president's office after getting a new TRO, now from a legit lawyer - he happens to belong to the same law firm as arroyo's lawyer.
LATE LAST WEEK
i was starting to think that i might not graduate at all. i was actually caught in the middle - at one end of the rope stood my adviser, prof. rachel DE CHAVEZ-evangelio. yes. she is the eldest daughter (i think) of estong. pulling the other end of the quagmire rop was prof. cynthia manalo - mother of devcom at bsu, my mentor and sometimes, professional confidant.
i was right in the middle of a crossfire whose casualties were students who were left half-dead by bullets of rivalry, point-of-views, and professional/personal intentions. i did not know how to react to what they wanted me to do.
up to the point that i had to have my final draft signed, these two personalities would hardly look, lest talk to each other. just this once, i thought, i could be a means to bridge a gap. lil' ol' me never learned anything from devcom concepts - never be messiahnic. darn it.
EARLY THIS WEEK
i was in a conundrum of wether or not i would graduate. the night before graduation i texted my adviser. my exact words:
mam, pag may nanggulo sa graduation ko
papatay ako ng tao. walang biro.
i have waited for this for so long.
ayokong mabulilyaso ito.
she aptly replied, saying that things'll be ok. that she wouldn't let the demons hovering over me get the best of me and the graduation. i told her i had complete faith in her. that i held on to until graduation day.
THIS MORNING
i was walking along the paved pathways of batangas city, on my way to BSU, when i felt butterflies making their way to my stomach. i was starting to shake like hell. needless to say, i was nervous. the night before i thought i would be the only person to graduate; but i told myself, no matter what, i'll march.
the moment i entered the university gates, i was in awe when i saw the students who lined up for graduation. I WASN'T ALONE. the butterflies were toast; they got digested.
when the parade started (a little over two hours after ETA), i was teary-eyed when i entered the gymnasium. mind you, i didn't even bother to when i graduated from my undergrad. but this was different. what i went through for my master's was more difficult. four years in graduate school for a lousy piece of paper rolled up into a cylinder and tied with a white piece of ribbon. damn, i loved the feeling. it was like taking a second degree. that's why it felt so good.
11am. i graduated.
finally.
and with little time to spare.
Mar 18, 2006
dalawang kaluluwang
pinag-isa
pinag-isa ng daupang di lamang
katawan bagkus
puso't hinuha
pagsasalapid ng
balanang pita tungo
sa iisang hibik
na sa huli'y siyang salamin
ng pagkabuhay.
ano'ng mapaglarong siphayo
itong nagpapainog
sa kanilang haraya?
kakatwang ang kanilang
pagniniig ay di kasi
ng hangi't dahon sa puno-
sumasayaw, sumasabay
sa saliw ng iisang himig.
after a long dog-gone day, who'd think i'd actually do it.
damn it, man. i finished my thesis. signed, sealed, and brought!
i'm graduating this april 4th (or 5th, as the case may be).
i don't know about you, but i am more than happy that i'm finally done with it.
now i can focus on other things... (thinks for a bit; insert msc, up and under: church bells).
i would like to thank everyone who helped me out with the paper:
Lord Jesus, Redeemer and Risen Lord (amen)
hernani, my agriculturist dawg from abs-cbn
adante, my bestfriend from mariwasa-toto tiles
juby, my highschool buddy now teaching at st. francis minor seminary
prof. manalo, my very able mentor in the development field
dr. evangelio, the coolest adviser one can ever wish for
dr. bonot, the nanay of the CTE-BSU
dr. vera, the fashionista
prof. geron, cool grammarian and friend
dr. lontok (yes, even him), 'cause he approved my topic a year and a half ago
the UPLB, BSU, Lyceum of Batangas libraries
the lipa CPDO and CCAO
wally and prof. amurao pf LyPhil University
my friends at rocker park
jeff, my former student-turned-dawg
all of my textmates LOL
my family, both broadcasting and blood-related
the other people i've forgotten to thank LOL
...and grace, my love.
thank you for making all things possible.
thank you for believing in me.
thank you for healing me.
thank you for sacrificing time, effort, sweat, tears.
thank you is never enough.
i'm still here.
hey.
pinag-isa
pinag-isa ng daupang di lamang
katawan bagkus
puso't hinuha
pagsasalapid ng
balanang pita tungo
sa iisang hibik
na sa huli'y siyang salamin
ng pagkabuhay.
ano'ng mapaglarong siphayo
itong nagpapainog
sa kanilang haraya?
kakatwang ang kanilang
pagniniig ay di kasi
ng hangi't dahon sa puno-
sumasayaw, sumasabay
sa saliw ng iisang himig.
after a long dog-gone day, who'd think i'd actually do it.
damn it, man. i finished my thesis. signed, sealed, and brought!
i'm graduating this april 4th (or 5th, as the case may be).
i don't know about you, but i am more than happy that i'm finally done with it.
now i can focus on other things... (thinks for a bit; insert msc, up and under: church bells).
i would like to thank everyone who helped me out with the paper:
Lord Jesus, Redeemer and Risen Lord (amen)
hernani, my agriculturist dawg from abs-cbn
adante, my bestfriend from mariwasa-toto tiles
juby, my highschool buddy now teaching at st. francis minor seminary
prof. manalo, my very able mentor in the development field
dr. evangelio, the coolest adviser one can ever wish for
dr. bonot, the nanay of the CTE-BSU
dr. vera, the fashionista
prof. geron, cool grammarian and friend
dr. lontok (yes, even him), 'cause he approved my topic a year and a half ago
the UPLB, BSU, Lyceum of Batangas libraries
the lipa CPDO and CCAO
wally and prof. amurao pf LyPhil University
my friends at rocker park
jeff, my former student-turned-dawg
all of my textmates LOL
my family, both broadcasting and blood-related
the other people i've forgotten to thank LOL
...and grace, my love.
thank you for making all things possible.
thank you for believing in me.
thank you for healing me.
thank you for sacrificing time, effort, sweat, tears.
thank you is never enough.
i'm still here.
hey.
Feb 28, 2006
i am going gaga over getting a copy of ILUSYON, a digital film that's part of the cinemaone digifilm festival. i am using it for my communication skills and literature classes, but i can't seem to get a copy of it. grr.
hindi ako manunula
walang tintang dumadaloy
sa aking mga ugat,
ni titik na nakaukit
sa aking puso.
sa aking balat'y hindi
nalalatay ang mga sugat ng hinagpis
na siyang dahilan ng paghabi
ng mga taludtod.
maniwala ka,
hindi ako manunula.
kahit ano'ng liyag sa umaga't
romansa sa buwa'y
hindi titining man lamang ang
mala-makatang silakbo
sa pita, sa kaluluwa.
siphayo ma'y siyang kaakibat
ng marubdob na pagtangi'y wala
ni kuntil ng binalangkas na
damdaming magkakasi.
pagka't hindi ako manunula;
siyang turing mo sa aki'y damong ligaw
sa iyong talampakan
at ikaw nama'y ilusyong
di tarok nitong hinuha.
hindi ako manunula
walang tintang dumadaloy
sa aking mga ugat,
ni titik na nakaukit
sa aking puso.
sa aking balat'y hindi
nalalatay ang mga sugat ng hinagpis
na siyang dahilan ng paghabi
ng mga taludtod.
maniwala ka,
hindi ako manunula.
kahit ano'ng liyag sa umaga't
romansa sa buwa'y
hindi titining man lamang ang
mala-makatang silakbo
sa pita, sa kaluluwa.
siphayo ma'y siyang kaakibat
ng marubdob na pagtangi'y wala
ni kuntil ng binalangkas na
damdaming magkakasi.
pagka't hindi ako manunula;
siyang turing mo sa aki'y damong ligaw
sa iyong talampakan
at ikaw nama'y ilusyong
di tarok nitong hinuha.
Feb 26, 2006
overheard from a conversation:
man1: binubuksan yung hydrant sa kanto...
man2: yaah mo na't tagbuling naman.
man1: ala sayang ang tubig
today is the sunday before ash wednesday. and it is bulingan day today, which is tagged with a wickedly-enticing tradition of hurling buckets of water to females bystanders. i hate this day.
A BLACK SATURDAY
yesterday, i was with an argument with my dad over meds my brother had to take. giving him the money for my sib's check-up and meds was one thing; ordering me to do the buying as well was another.
i know i sound like an evil son - i am - but hear me out. i went out of my way to give my brother the money to buy the meds. that should have ended the discussion. but my dad had to go on. my brother went out to buy the meds, then sulked on the couch and watched 40-YO VIRGIN. my dad on the other hand, went into the house asking for the money.
i told him i gave my brother the money, and he bought the meds. here's what my dad said behind my back:
DAD: ano?! ikaw pa ang bumili? bakit ikaw pa ang bumili? e di nahirapan ka pa?!
wait a cotton-pickin minute. what did he mean by that, yelling over my shoulders? that I should have bought the meds? hello?! am i not tired? am i not sick? (i've had colds for a week)
this played in my mind during the incident: puta'ng ina, ako na nga ang nagbigay ng pera, eh ako pa din ang bibili ng gamot at ng kung anu-anong prutas na pinapabili nya?! puta'ng ina talaga! ano ako? katulong?! sino bang hindi magagalit, eh pinagmamadali na nga niya akong magbihis para makakuha ng pera sa banko, inaabutan pa ako ng listahan ng pinapabili ng kapatid ko?! ano ako? utusan? puta'ng ina talaga. kahit saan daanin, nagiging biased na ang tatay ko.
a little after the incident, my dad started asking if i wanted the rubber shoes he fixed. i told him i still had shoes. he pointed out that they were worn out. i said no thanks.
after he left, i intentionally said out loud in front of my sibs: ayokong magkautang na loob sa inyong lahat.
i went out and bought two pairs of sneakers.
man1: binubuksan yung hydrant sa kanto...
man2: yaah mo na't tagbuling naman.
man1: ala sayang ang tubig
today is the sunday before ash wednesday. and it is bulingan day today, which is tagged with a wickedly-enticing tradition of hurling buckets of water to females bystanders. i hate this day.
A BLACK SATURDAY
yesterday, i was with an argument with my dad over meds my brother had to take. giving him the money for my sib's check-up and meds was one thing; ordering me to do the buying as well was another.
i know i sound like an evil son - i am - but hear me out. i went out of my way to give my brother the money to buy the meds. that should have ended the discussion. but my dad had to go on. my brother went out to buy the meds, then sulked on the couch and watched 40-YO VIRGIN. my dad on the other hand, went into the house asking for the money.
i told him i gave my brother the money, and he bought the meds. here's what my dad said behind my back:
DAD: ano?! ikaw pa ang bumili? bakit ikaw pa ang bumili? e di nahirapan ka pa?!
wait a cotton-pickin minute. what did he mean by that, yelling over my shoulders? that I should have bought the meds? hello?! am i not tired? am i not sick? (i've had colds for a week)
this played in my mind during the incident: puta'ng ina, ako na nga ang nagbigay ng pera, eh ako pa din ang bibili ng gamot at ng kung anu-anong prutas na pinapabili nya?! puta'ng ina talaga! ano ako? katulong?! sino bang hindi magagalit, eh pinagmamadali na nga niya akong magbihis para makakuha ng pera sa banko, inaabutan pa ako ng listahan ng pinapabili ng kapatid ko?! ano ako? utusan? puta'ng ina talaga. kahit saan daanin, nagiging biased na ang tatay ko.
a little after the incident, my dad started asking if i wanted the rubber shoes he fixed. i told him i still had shoes. he pointed out that they were worn out. i said no thanks.
after he left, i intentionally said out loud in front of my sibs: ayokong magkautang na loob sa inyong lahat.
i went out and bought two pairs of sneakers.
Feb 22, 2006
a friend of mine wrote this poem for valentine's day, and boy abunda read it in his feb.14 HOMEBOY show. i was at work when he did. astig ka talaga, kiko.
Walang Araw Ang Mga Puso
Ni Francisco Montesena 2/6/06
Walang araw ang mga puso.
Ayokong sukatin
sa talulot ng mga bulaklak
O tamis ng mga tsokolate
ang halaga ng araw na ito.
Wala sa kulay rosas,
sa higpit ng mga yakap,
sa lamig ng paligid,
o dalas ng pagniniig.
Dahil ang puso ko
ay walang piniling araw
upang mangibabaw
ang tamis
ang kulay
ang lamig
ang init.
Lahat ng araw ng puso ko
ay pagmamay-ari mo.
Walang Araw Ang Mga Puso
Ni Francisco Montesena 2/6/06
Walang araw ang mga puso.
Ayokong sukatin
sa talulot ng mga bulaklak
O tamis ng mga tsokolate
ang halaga ng araw na ito.
Wala sa kulay rosas,
sa higpit ng mga yakap,
sa lamig ng paligid,
o dalas ng pagniniig.
Dahil ang puso ko
ay walang piniling araw
upang mangibabaw
ang tamis
ang kulay
ang lamig
ang init.
Lahat ng araw ng puso ko
ay pagmamay-ari mo.
Feb 13, 2006
love doesn't always prevail
but love doesn't always fail either.
THE BEGINNING OF AN END
after a brief meeting on the upcoming radio event this feb16-18, things started to heat up last feb11. words were flung like swords; hearts torn like pieces of japanese paper under the spring rain.
needless to say I hurt some feelings; it cost us big time. robin and phoenix resigned. effective this morning. you simply cannot imagine the awkwardness that i felt while i rode the van to school.
questions like "How'd i greet them?" or "What now?" or "Will I smile or just nod?"
in all honesty, i was uneasy to come to school today. and i wasn't disappointed with the results. when i opened the door to the radio room, phoenix was there. she was explaining something about the scheduling. "SIR" she emphasized. that's my girl. very professional. her words crushed my heart to pieces. i had to hold back the tears. this is how the end begins.
the whole time i was there at school, i felt awkward. i didn't know how to get along with the other mass com peeps. by now, i knew, they'd known of the feb11 incident. i was not welcome anymore...
dr. meñez went in a couple of minutes after, and started talking about the feb11 issue. how could she have known? wow. by then i knew things were turning bad; and i wasn't on the good side now. i was the evil one. i told her of my plans to resign from the station and lose the secret identity altogether of echo apao. she said i shouldn't; but my mind was made up. I HAVE TO. she told me arnie was being groomed to take over. i on the other hand, would become a possible candidate for department chairmanship. i don't know what to think anymore...
it's going to be hard to leave a place i called my real home for the last three years. i've never felt so loved anywhere else (aside when i'm with grace). i'm going to miss everyone. yes, even nympha.
ON THE LIGHTER SIDE...
i'm through with my thesis' final draft, together with the four output that i was required to create - two powerpoint presentations, one brochure on community participation, and a comic magazine on community involvement. i'm having it bound as i write; i'll be submitting the manuscript tomorrow morning.
i hate me.
but love doesn't always fail either.
THE BEGINNING OF AN END
after a brief meeting on the upcoming radio event this feb16-18, things started to heat up last feb11. words were flung like swords; hearts torn like pieces of japanese paper under the spring rain.
needless to say I hurt some feelings; it cost us big time. robin and phoenix resigned. effective this morning. you simply cannot imagine the awkwardness that i felt while i rode the van to school.
questions like "How'd i greet them?" or "What now?" or "Will I smile or just nod?"
in all honesty, i was uneasy to come to school today. and i wasn't disappointed with the results. when i opened the door to the radio room, phoenix was there. she was explaining something about the scheduling. "SIR" she emphasized. that's my girl. very professional. her words crushed my heart to pieces. i had to hold back the tears. this is how the end begins.
the whole time i was there at school, i felt awkward. i didn't know how to get along with the other mass com peeps. by now, i knew, they'd known of the feb11 incident. i was not welcome anymore...
dr. meñez went in a couple of minutes after, and started talking about the feb11 issue. how could she have known? wow. by then i knew things were turning bad; and i wasn't on the good side now. i was the evil one. i told her of my plans to resign from the station and lose the secret identity altogether of echo apao. she said i shouldn't; but my mind was made up. I HAVE TO. she told me arnie was being groomed to take over. i on the other hand, would become a possible candidate for department chairmanship. i don't know what to think anymore...
it's going to be hard to leave a place i called my real home for the last three years. i've never felt so loved anywhere else (aside when i'm with grace). i'm going to miss everyone. yes, even nympha.
ON THE LIGHTER SIDE...
i'm through with my thesis' final draft, together with the four output that i was required to create - two powerpoint presentations, one brochure on community participation, and a comic magazine on community involvement. i'm having it bound as i write; i'll be submitting the manuscript tomorrow morning.
i hate me.
Feb 5, 2006
after weeks (make that months) of laziness, i finally finished the last of the four requirements for the thesis: the community comics.
comprised of eight pages of characters lifted from old pinoy romance komiks and other paraphernalia from the department of health (imaging that!), i finally drafted my own comics, entitled KAUNLARAN with the volume title of "MAY BUKAS PA..."
corny? yes. but more than that, it's a requirement for the thesis. now that that's over, i could focus on the text of the actual thesis - the knitty gritty part.
i need to submit the updated manuscript by saturday. although, actually, i should have submitted yesterday. grr.
DAYS BEFORE...
days before, i found that my printer was plugged in to the AVR incorrectly. thus, it shut down. i had to go back to worksavers and asked them to fix it.
much to my surprise, they told me they had to take it to manila and have it fixed THERE. that was going to take a few weeks. yes, a few weeks.
the option? buy a new printer. so i did. under an installment plan daw. i took the hp3940 home and had it installed that night. much to my dismay, it did not install.
why? the blasted printer needed more RAM. i only had 128Mb. needless to say, knowing my berserk nature, i was furious.
the following day, i went to work with a hot head. i asked my dad earlier that morning to take the printer back to the shop for a replacement. along the way though, i changed my mind (after a brief word fight with the supplier). i asked my dad to keep the printer put.
the minute i got back home, i removed all peripherals from the cpu. i took it to the shop and bought the additional 128Mb. i did not avail of the installment plan anymore. even though i had little money left in the bank, i paid the darn printer and RAM fully. i took the cpu home.
WAIT! THERE'S MORE!
iwhen i got home, i took off my shirt ('cause it was freakin hot that day), and readied the cpu for installation. much to my dismay, the blasted printer wouldn't install.
i called the supplier yet again, and asked for a technician. i met with the technician at a nearby local grocery and took him back home with me. awa ng Dios, the kid didn't know what he was doing. the computer engineering junior intern did what most junior technicians would do - admit he didn't know what was happening.
luckily, the supplier called me back to check up on his kiddo. i asked for another technician. he sent me his senior technician.
a few minutes later, he was there at my house, fixing it. finally the printer puked out its test page. finally.
LESSON LEARNED?
ask suppliers to put their equipments' worth to where their mouth is.
grr. the day before was a shitty day indeed.
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK AIGHT?
comprised of eight pages of characters lifted from old pinoy romance komiks and other paraphernalia from the department of health (imaging that!), i finally drafted my own comics, entitled KAUNLARAN with the volume title of "MAY BUKAS PA..."
corny? yes. but more than that, it's a requirement for the thesis. now that that's over, i could focus on the text of the actual thesis - the knitty gritty part.
i need to submit the updated manuscript by saturday. although, actually, i should have submitted yesterday. grr.
DAYS BEFORE...
days before, i found that my printer was plugged in to the AVR incorrectly. thus, it shut down. i had to go back to worksavers and asked them to fix it.
much to my surprise, they told me they had to take it to manila and have it fixed THERE. that was going to take a few weeks. yes, a few weeks.
the option? buy a new printer. so i did. under an installment plan daw. i took the hp3940 home and had it installed that night. much to my dismay, it did not install.
why? the blasted printer needed more RAM. i only had 128Mb. needless to say, knowing my berserk nature, i was furious.
the following day, i went to work with a hot head. i asked my dad earlier that morning to take the printer back to the shop for a replacement. along the way though, i changed my mind (after a brief word fight with the supplier). i asked my dad to keep the printer put.
the minute i got back home, i removed all peripherals from the cpu. i took it to the shop and bought the additional 128Mb. i did not avail of the installment plan anymore. even though i had little money left in the bank, i paid the darn printer and RAM fully. i took the cpu home.
WAIT! THERE'S MORE!
iwhen i got home, i took off my shirt ('cause it was freakin hot that day), and readied the cpu for installation. much to my dismay, the blasted printer wouldn't install.
i called the supplier yet again, and asked for a technician. i met with the technician at a nearby local grocery and took him back home with me. awa ng Dios, the kid didn't know what he was doing. the computer engineering junior intern did what most junior technicians would do - admit he didn't know what was happening.
luckily, the supplier called me back to check up on his kiddo. i asked for another technician. he sent me his senior technician.
a few minutes later, he was there at my house, fixing it. finally the printer puked out its test page. finally.
LESSON LEARNED?
ask suppliers to put their equipments' worth to where their mouth is.
grr. the day before was a shitty day indeed.
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK AIGHT?
Jan 30, 2006
THE RESPONSE OF ARTBELL.COM TO THE PROLIFERATING ANTI-PINOY HATE LETTER. I THINK IT'S RIGHT TO HEAR THEIR SIDE HERE AS WELL.
Filipino Hate Letter
PLEASE STOP SPREADING THIS
Filipino Hate Postings by KatLover@artbell.com is NOT
from the real Art Bell!!
The recent postings on usenet that are being forwarded
by many via email was NOT written by the real Art
Bell. Nor was it posted by our artbell.com mail
server.
Back in December 1998 there were some racist postings
made in several newsgroups on the Internet by a person
who is impersonating Art Bell. They have used the ID
of KatLover@artbell.com.
Be advised, that any messages that appear on the
USENET groups with the From: E-Mail address of
KatLover@artbell.com did not originate from the REAL
Art Bell. It is absurd to think that a public figure
and professional radio host would make such a posting.
On behalf of Art Bell and I, administrator of the
artbell.com web site, let me state that these messages
did NOT originate either from Art Bell or our domain.
Please review the headers of all messages that you
have received and send your complaints to that
domain's sysop. The messages are originating at
ucsd.edu and the fake "From" address was simply typed
in.
It has further been determined that the message text
that was in the USENET posting came from a web site:
http://server1.hypermart.net/oldscona/flip.html
This website which is no longer operational stated who
the original writer was, but not necessarially the one
who posted it on USENET under Art Bell's name. So if
you have anything to say to the actual writer of the
text, you'll have to dig deeper, because Art Bell was
not the writer.
Feel free to copy this notice and forward this on to
anyone who is concerned about this. Art and I do not
condone such racist statements made in these phony
posts and you need to be aware that ANYONE can put ANY
address in their newsreader and make messages look
like it came from ANYWHERE. However, the headers of
such postings will generally show the correct
originating host. Which in this case is NOT
artbell.com. In fact artbell.com does NOT have any
user accounts nor access to USENET.
After this announcement, it is likely this person will
choose another fake ID and make simular posts. Once
again, check the headers before jumping to
conclusions. Also, be advised that neither Art Bell
nor Keith Rowland has posted on USENET for over 2
years and don't plan to. (Because of issues like
this.) So ANY USENET posting that claims to be from
Art should be assumed to be phoney.
Thank you for your understanding in this matter.
Signed, Keith Rowland and Art Bell
Exception: On Dec 9th 1998, Art Bell made ONE posting
to the soc.culture.filipino group, denying the
previous posts. So that anyone who reads that group
and hasn't been able to see this announcement is
advised of the situation. You can check out this post
and see the headers of a real post from Art Bell.
Update: Someone else, we suspect a different person,
has now posted to the same newsgroup a message which
forges artbell@aol.com as the From address. However
examining the tracer headers, you'll see it came
through a Belgium server. This posting was a better
fake than the others (more work was done to try to
cover up the headers), but still detectable as not
being authentic. In fact, people have already detected
this same person making test postings to test groups
while trying to perfect their methods. And of course
Art would not post such a thing anyway. - KR
Response from UCSD.edu:
From: postmistress@ucsd.edu
I'm very sorry about this occurrence. Unfortunately,
this host is a PC in a Library computer lab which is
open to all students. We have been looking into
authentication solutions which would make this type of
occurrence more traceable, but at this time there is
no way for us to trace the miscreant. We apologize for
the unpleasantness.
Valerie E. Polichar
Manager of Network Technical, User, ∓ Access
Services
UCSD ACS/Network Operations
I'm sure after you read this you will make every
attempt to stop forwarding the fake postings and
RETURN THIS MESSAGE to the person who sent you the
fake message and anyone who needs to know. We have
been the victim here of hate crimes, taking the
onslaught of mail from Filipinos who are responding in
anger.
Keith Rowland
System Administrator
www.artbell.com
Filipino Hate Letter
PLEASE STOP SPREADING THIS
Filipino Hate Postings by KatLover@artbell.com is NOT
from the real Art Bell!!
The recent postings on usenet that are being forwarded
by many via email was NOT written by the real Art
Bell. Nor was it posted by our artbell.com mail
server.
Back in December 1998 there were some racist postings
made in several newsgroups on the Internet by a person
who is impersonating Art Bell. They have used the ID
of KatLover@artbell.com.
Be advised, that any messages that appear on the
USENET groups with the From: E-Mail address of
KatLover@artbell.com did not originate from the REAL
Art Bell. It is absurd to think that a public figure
and professional radio host would make such a posting.
On behalf of Art Bell and I, administrator of the
artbell.com web site, let me state that these messages
did NOT originate either from Art Bell or our domain.
Please review the headers of all messages that you
have received and send your complaints to that
domain's sysop. The messages are originating at
ucsd.edu and the fake "From" address was simply typed
in.
It has further been determined that the message text
that was in the USENET posting came from a web site:
http://server1.hypermart.net/oldscona/flip.html
This website which is no longer operational stated who
the original writer was, but not necessarially the one
who posted it on USENET under Art Bell's name. So if
you have anything to say to the actual writer of the
text, you'll have to dig deeper, because Art Bell was
not the writer.
Feel free to copy this notice and forward this on to
anyone who is concerned about this. Art and I do not
condone such racist statements made in these phony
posts and you need to be aware that ANYONE can put ANY
address in their newsreader and make messages look
like it came from ANYWHERE. However, the headers of
such postings will generally show the correct
originating host. Which in this case is NOT
artbell.com. In fact artbell.com does NOT have any
user accounts nor access to USENET.
After this announcement, it is likely this person will
choose another fake ID and make simular posts. Once
again, check the headers before jumping to
conclusions. Also, be advised that neither Art Bell
nor Keith Rowland has posted on USENET for over 2
years and don't plan to. (Because of issues like
this.) So ANY USENET posting that claims to be from
Art should be assumed to be phoney.
Thank you for your understanding in this matter.
Signed, Keith Rowland and Art Bell
Exception: On Dec 9th 1998, Art Bell made ONE posting
to the soc.culture.filipino group, denying the
previous posts. So that anyone who reads that group
and hasn't been able to see this announcement is
advised of the situation. You can check out this post
and see the headers of a real post from Art Bell.
Update: Someone else, we suspect a different person,
has now posted to the same newsgroup a message which
forges artbell@aol.com as the From address. However
examining the tracer headers, you'll see it came
through a Belgium server. This posting was a better
fake than the others (more work was done to try to
cover up the headers), but still detectable as not
being authentic. In fact, people have already detected
this same person making test postings to test groups
while trying to perfect their methods. And of course
Art would not post such a thing anyway. - KR
Response from UCSD.edu:
From: postmistress@ucsd.edu
I'm very sorry about this occurrence. Unfortunately,
this host is a PC in a Library computer lab which is
open to all students. We have been looking into
authentication solutions which would make this type of
occurrence more traceable, but at this time there is
no way for us to trace the miscreant. We apologize for
the unpleasantness.
Valerie E. Polichar
Manager of Network Technical, User, ∓ Access
Services
UCSD ACS/Network Operations
I'm sure after you read this you will make every
attempt to stop forwarding the fake postings and
RETURN THIS MESSAGE to the person who sent you the
fake message and anyone who needs to know. We have
been the victim here of hate crimes, taking the
onslaught of mail from Filipinos who are responding in
anger.
Keith Rowland
System Administrator
www.artbell.com
Jan 28, 2006
i was browsing over my mail when i bumped into an email of a speech(?) about filipinos made by an american radio announcer in nevada. reading it just half-way, my ears were already flushed.
thank you for further strengthening my beliefs that americans are just a bunch of loafers who depend on government, f*** all the time, and are rotten pigs who mass-murder the world for their own pleasure and profit. look for it, read on, and marvel at the loathesome idiocy that is this man.
my guess is, he either hasn't been laid for a while, or he's been laying down the wrong creatures. ei man, ever heard of homo sapiens?
just for sanity's sake, here's my version of mr. art bell's piece of work:
americans... they make me laugh!
As we in Asia have all come to notice, in the past few decades, Americans have begun to infest Asia like stray dogs. Their extensive pursuit of visiting forces agreements in many asian nations is proof of the trashy kind of values americans tend to exhibit on a regular basis. You can see this clearly by studying the attitudes and cultural Icons of most Americans.
Origins of Americans:
Are they really american? Well we've come to accept the fact the americans come from a part of the world known as the "United States". But the term "american" is used in the wrong way. You may notice that contemporary Americans try very hard to associate themselves with groups that are like themselves - americans (and around 50% of the kids get beaten up by the same american bullies in the process). I cannot count the number of times I've seen an american try to connect themselves to Asian people (since their market has been saturated, and have eyed Asians as the next market for their war toys). There is no connection, and here's why. The US may be a First World country, but there's nothing first world about its character. Old american servicemen travel to the Philippines to molest our children - victims of poverty and disenfranchisement. if these americans were indeed "first world", wouldn't the humane reaction to poverty be to help? but no, not the american. they come here, rape our women and children, and try to unwittingly take over our commerce and trade as well.
Young americans have become obsessed with dating senselessly. contemporary Filipinos don't go out every night, trying to hook up with different people at singles bars, f***, then leave women/men afterwards. we're not that desperate. neither are we that trashy to gloat over the inability to get one-night stands. Here in this "third world", we court women and gain trust, and eventually marry them. not like THERE where you collect wedding rings like they were toys. and don't give us that "black thang" issue, because we don't treat people like that. you do. have you seen the treatment and portrayal of black americans in YOUR tv shows and movies? what of your treatment of chinese people in your films in the 1950s, having the nerve to call them "chinks"?
that's first world. right. if that's how first world people think, i'd rather stay here at my side of the hemisphere.
You can't see the connection with being first world, and being human vis-a-vis humane, huh? what's even funnier is that if americans really are that great, in Japan, they still need to learn niponggo. i thought you were better than asians? why do you have to learn the Asian language? But that's the case for most americans no matter where they live in the world. and what of your bulging fiscal deficits?
Nothing in american Culture can be seen as American.
They may have architectural, artistic, or cultural influence in some way to us asians, but thinking of the great countries in the world now such as Japan, Korea, and China, where is the US? oh, i get it, at the tail end. trying to catch up with europe and the rest of asia. The Philippines may not have a good economy, but at least we know we didn't cause it. YOUR open door policy and pushing forward of the GATT-WTO and parity rights worsened the economies of many asian countries who were not ready for globalization, including the philippines. but your blasted country had to swoon our government to thinkiing it was the right thing to do- to open up to the world even if we didn't have the strength of the local market to do so.
because we thought YOU were the custodians of the earth's welfare. darn it. we were SO wrong. you're the wolf in sheep's clothing.
and besides, aren't the american indians the REAL americans? these white folk from britain- PEASANTS who ventured outside europe- don't have any real american blood in them. filipinos on the other hand, come from NOBLE races of aetas, indonese and malays. ah, mr. bell, we already had forms of democracy in our states while you had apartheid and slavery there.
if pinoys are trashy people when we chat, guess who taught us to be trashy? yup. you americans did. what's even trashier is what these americans talk about. i mean, c'mon. how lewd can you get? and you say you have values. kiss my a**. name me one top-grossing american movie shown in the 80s, 90s till the present that didn't have f*** in the dialogue, or didn't show women's breasts or men's butts, or didn't have lotsa blood, cars exploding and more lauding of the terroristic act?!
Do these americans know what's going on? they're polluting the earth in more ways than one (not a surprise with all the nuclear waste they're dumping all over the globe). THIS is the natural "Trash" element in americans manifesting itself. Nothing good has ever come from the States aside from hate, more fighting, bullying and death. thanks to the "first world" values.
Recognizing your Roots
(A Message to mr. bell)
Please recognize your ROOTS! You come from the peasant ancestry! You country is a disgusting and filthy place. Most people there live with psychological disorder, torn families, mania and work-related stress! You have no culture other than that taken from mexicans, british and french peoples. thank Jesus people in the world don't act like you. you constantly want sex, sell sex and promote sex in your TV shows, films, ads and the like. as a superpower, you want us to follow? right? we have a MUCH HIGHER level of RESPECT for each other, than you. you leave your elderly in nursing homes, and consider them useless; you let your women get raped in the streets and reason out that it's a trend; you let unborn children die because you think it's a right to kill people; you destroy other countries in pursuit of "democracatic ideals"; you slaughter whole families in pursuit of a wild goose chase. There is NO WAY that we will connect ourselves with you.
the only reason we use your language is for subtle domination of your nation. haven't you noticed? some parts of your country are actually being run by filipinos now?
prostitutes you call them. we call them our advance army. wait till we send in the other troops - our nurses, students, surgeons and other doctors, engineers, politicians, singers and dancers, architects, food entrepreneurs (you got six jollibee food outlets there)make-up artists, designers, textilers, broadcasters, furniture, and more.
aren't you afraid? you should be.
be afraid. be very afraid.
Our technological advancement may not come close to what you have, but the flourescent lamp didn't come from you. we made that. as well as the moon rover that your country used to frolic in the moon. yes, mr. bell, a pinoy built that. 'cause your scientists couldn't. or were too busy f***ing themselves.
You take credit for Japanese cars, video games, and Hentai.You have no concept nor respect of culture. and i think you also don't read history books. do you read at all? Can we demonstrate how to use Confucianism or Taoism in you everyday life? yes. we have a very rich inter-racial relationship with the chinese. come to ongpin, binondo, and cebu. You, on the other hand, can't. And you will NEVER be able to.
I understand that you have been trying to create an identity for yourselves as a dynamic people. but it is NOT working. Your Identity is not american. you don't even know where you come from: british? danish? french? german? Think about what that means.
thank you for further strengthening my beliefs that americans are just a bunch of loafers who depend on government, f*** all the time, and are rotten pigs who mass-murder the world for their own pleasure and profit. look for it, read on, and marvel at the loathesome idiocy that is this man.
my guess is, he either hasn't been laid for a while, or he's been laying down the wrong creatures. ei man, ever heard of homo sapiens?
just for sanity's sake, here's my version of mr. art bell's piece of work:
americans... they make me laugh!
As we in Asia have all come to notice, in the past few decades, Americans have begun to infest Asia like stray dogs. Their extensive pursuit of visiting forces agreements in many asian nations is proof of the trashy kind of values americans tend to exhibit on a regular basis. You can see this clearly by studying the attitudes and cultural Icons of most Americans.
Origins of Americans:
Are they really american? Well we've come to accept the fact the americans come from a part of the world known as the "United States". But the term "american" is used in the wrong way. You may notice that contemporary Americans try very hard to associate themselves with groups that are like themselves - americans (and around 50% of the kids get beaten up by the same american bullies in the process). I cannot count the number of times I've seen an american try to connect themselves to Asian people (since their market has been saturated, and have eyed Asians as the next market for their war toys). There is no connection, and here's why. The US may be a First World country, but there's nothing first world about its character. Old american servicemen travel to the Philippines to molest our children - victims of poverty and disenfranchisement. if these americans were indeed "first world", wouldn't the humane reaction to poverty be to help? but no, not the american. they come here, rape our women and children, and try to unwittingly take over our commerce and trade as well.
Young americans have become obsessed with dating senselessly. contemporary Filipinos don't go out every night, trying to hook up with different people at singles bars, f***, then leave women/men afterwards. we're not that desperate. neither are we that trashy to gloat over the inability to get one-night stands. Here in this "third world", we court women and gain trust, and eventually marry them. not like THERE where you collect wedding rings like they were toys. and don't give us that "black thang" issue, because we don't treat people like that. you do. have you seen the treatment and portrayal of black americans in YOUR tv shows and movies? what of your treatment of chinese people in your films in the 1950s, having the nerve to call them "chinks"?
that's first world. right. if that's how first world people think, i'd rather stay here at my side of the hemisphere.
You can't see the connection with being first world, and being human vis-a-vis humane, huh? what's even funnier is that if americans really are that great, in Japan, they still need to learn niponggo. i thought you were better than asians? why do you have to learn the Asian language? But that's the case for most americans no matter where they live in the world. and what of your bulging fiscal deficits?
Nothing in american Culture can be seen as American.
They may have architectural, artistic, or cultural influence in some way to us asians, but thinking of the great countries in the world now such as Japan, Korea, and China, where is the US? oh, i get it, at the tail end. trying to catch up with europe and the rest of asia. The Philippines may not have a good economy, but at least we know we didn't cause it. YOUR open door policy and pushing forward of the GATT-WTO and parity rights worsened the economies of many asian countries who were not ready for globalization, including the philippines. but your blasted country had to swoon our government to thinkiing it was the right thing to do- to open up to the world even if we didn't have the strength of the local market to do so.
because we thought YOU were the custodians of the earth's welfare. darn it. we were SO wrong. you're the wolf in sheep's clothing.
and besides, aren't the american indians the REAL americans? these white folk from britain- PEASANTS who ventured outside europe- don't have any real american blood in them. filipinos on the other hand, come from NOBLE races of aetas, indonese and malays. ah, mr. bell, we already had forms of democracy in our states while you had apartheid and slavery there.
if pinoys are trashy people when we chat, guess who taught us to be trashy? yup. you americans did. what's even trashier is what these americans talk about. i mean, c'mon. how lewd can you get? and you say you have values. kiss my a**. name me one top-grossing american movie shown in the 80s, 90s till the present that didn't have f*** in the dialogue, or didn't show women's breasts or men's butts, or didn't have lotsa blood, cars exploding and more lauding of the terroristic act?!
Do these americans know what's going on? they're polluting the earth in more ways than one (not a surprise with all the nuclear waste they're dumping all over the globe). THIS is the natural "Trash" element in americans manifesting itself. Nothing good has ever come from the States aside from hate, more fighting, bullying and death. thanks to the "first world" values.
Recognizing your Roots
(A Message to mr. bell)
Please recognize your ROOTS! You come from the peasant ancestry! You country is a disgusting and filthy place. Most people there live with psychological disorder, torn families, mania and work-related stress! You have no culture other than that taken from mexicans, british and french peoples. thank Jesus people in the world don't act like you. you constantly want sex, sell sex and promote sex in your TV shows, films, ads and the like. as a superpower, you want us to follow? right? we have a MUCH HIGHER level of RESPECT for each other, than you. you leave your elderly in nursing homes, and consider them useless; you let your women get raped in the streets and reason out that it's a trend; you let unborn children die because you think it's a right to kill people; you destroy other countries in pursuit of "democracatic ideals"; you slaughter whole families in pursuit of a wild goose chase. There is NO WAY that we will connect ourselves with you.
the only reason we use your language is for subtle domination of your nation. haven't you noticed? some parts of your country are actually being run by filipinos now?
prostitutes you call them. we call them our advance army. wait till we send in the other troops - our nurses, students, surgeons and other doctors, engineers, politicians, singers and dancers, architects, food entrepreneurs (you got six jollibee food outlets there)make-up artists, designers, textilers, broadcasters, furniture, and more.
aren't you afraid? you should be.
be afraid. be very afraid.
Our technological advancement may not come close to what you have, but the flourescent lamp didn't come from you. we made that. as well as the moon rover that your country used to frolic in the moon. yes, mr. bell, a pinoy built that. 'cause your scientists couldn't. or were too busy f***ing themselves.
You take credit for Japanese cars, video games, and Hentai.You have no concept nor respect of culture. and i think you also don't read history books. do you read at all? Can we demonstrate how to use Confucianism or Taoism in you everyday life? yes. we have a very rich inter-racial relationship with the chinese. come to ongpin, binondo, and cebu. You, on the other hand, can't. And you will NEVER be able to.
I understand that you have been trying to create an identity for yourselves as a dynamic people. but it is NOT working. Your Identity is not american. you don't even know where you come from: british? danish? french? german? Think about what that means.
Jan 7, 2006
memoirs of my worst new year ever
this year, after a brief word fight with my sister,
i spent new year alone at a room in my lola's house.
i couldn't bear to see all of them.
that and the fact that grace and i fought
also because i fought with the family. she's told me
time and again
to leave the house if i want peace of mind;
i will. i think i will.
it's been two weeks after new year.
the hurt isn't there anymore. not even memories
of the words said.
but the angst is there. the vengence is rising.
darn fire dawg.
this year, after a brief word fight with my sister,
i spent new year alone at a room in my lola's house.
i couldn't bear to see all of them.
that and the fact that grace and i fought
also because i fought with the family. she's told me
time and again
to leave the house if i want peace of mind;
i will. i think i will.
it's been two weeks after new year.
the hurt isn't there anymore. not even memories
of the words said.
but the angst is there. the vengence is rising.
darn fire dawg.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)