what wretched woes
we weave for ourselves
and what littlest atrocity
we succomb to.
however our souls decide to reap
the fruits of our indifference,
lest fate meddles,
be happy of the new morning
that dawns our meager breathing.
***
the other night i saw two people i have affinity for, sitting somewhere they shouldn't have been together. but there they were. and i shuddered at where i stood. because i still felt something for both of them. at varying levels. and yet, i tried to keep calm. and i did.
but it wasn't much help.
***
that night
when i scolded you
over the electronic quill
i could not quite comprehend
why things had to be like this
between shrinks.
but they are like this.
we are tattered.
or at least i am.
wednesdays have never been the same.
because you've erased them
off the calendar.
***
it is my fault. bear with it.
ancient one out. in the cold.
somebody hug me? as if.
My place. My nook. My home away from nowhere. Here where the sun thrives on my body's ink. Here is where evil is reborn. Eternally.
Jul 30, 2004
Jul 18, 2004
'gotten over the slump. but never gotten over you.everything's like a recurring dream. festering me all night; but i feel pleasant. because it is your face i see: smiling at me that night we held hands, and locked hearts. you had such a cute smile. still do.
minsan na akong nahimlay
sa piling ng iyong mga halakhak;
minsan na din akong nabulid
ng iyong mga tingin.
makailang langit na ba
ang sinubukang abutin?
at ilang pagnanasa ang nabuo
makamtan lamang muli
ang langit sa piling
ng iyong mga harok?
what littlest woes we create to cheat ourselves of the pain. but your moving on has actually made me realize even more that i simply could not last a day without thinking of you. your smile. your snores. your words that etch deep unto my skin. i can still smell how you smelled. and could still taste how you tasted. you were my ambrosia.
minsan na akong nahimlay
sa piling ng iyong mga halakhak;
minsan na din akong nabulid
ng iyong mga tingin.
makailang langit na ba
ang sinubukang abutin?
at ilang pagnanasa ang nabuo
makamtan lamang muli
ang langit sa piling
ng iyong mga harok?
what littlest woes we create to cheat ourselves of the pain. but your moving on has actually made me realize even more that i simply could not last a day without thinking of you. your smile. your snores. your words that etch deep unto my skin. i can still smell how you smelled. and could still taste how you tasted. you were my ambrosia.
i will always be spiderman;
and you and i will never be.
forever bound by webs of regret
and marauded by enemies
whose powers are far beyond
those we could comprehend.
but who are we to question?
and how?
while swinging from building to building?
swooping down skyscrapers
and peeping through windows
of strangers that make us feel welcome.
we will always be spidermen;
and you and i will never be.
how sad, this life can be for us
who have chosen to not choose;
insterad, we have let the fates
do the choosing for us.
we will always be spiders trapped in little nests
of webs and lies
of love and those lost
of tears and smiles
of bunwich and foxes that live up to their name
and what at the end of the day?
snoring together while talking to old friends
and enjoying it.
i will always be spiderman;
and you and i will never be.
i just have to live with it.
even if i haven't accepted the reality
that you have moved on.
***
'JUST GOT BACK FROM WATCHING SPIDER-MAN 2.AND I HAD A BLAST. FEARLESS WAS RIGHT. IT WAS BETTER THAN THE FIRST ONE. THE ONLY REGRET THAT I HAD WAS THAT I DIDN'T WATCH IT THE FIRST TIME IT CAME OUT.
CURIOUS, THOUGH. THE WORDS STUCK TO ME LIKE GLUE. AND I GOT TO THINK ABOUT THINGS. A LOT OF THINGS. SOME THINGS I THOUGHT I FORGOT ABOUT. OR LEAST SHELVED FOR A EHILE. WHAT ATROCITY THIS LIFE I LEAD. AND WHAT HURT I BRING TO SO MANY PEOPLE SIMPLY BECAUSE I COULD NOT TAKE OFF MY OWN SPIDER MASK.
BUT UNLIKE SPIDERMAN, I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS. BECAUSE THIS IS THE SPIDEY THAT I AM. THIS IS MY GIFT. THIS IS MY CURSE. WHAT LITTLEST INTELLIGENCE THAT I CLING TO IS USED FOR WHAT LITTLE GOOD I COULD GIVE BACK TO THOSE WHO ONCE BECAME BIG PARTS OF MY LIFE. PARTS THAT I BROKE. SHARDS EVERYWHERE; YET THEY HAVE FOUND WAYS TO GLUE BACK THEIR SUITS, AND LIVE AGAIN. ME? HAH!
I AM NO FRANKENSTEIN. I AM SPIDERMAN. LOST IN THE ABYSS OF REGRETS OF NOT ACCEPTING THE GIFT THAT I HAVE. INSTEAD, HAVE CHOSEN TO LIVE A CURSE, KNOWN ONLY TO A FEW. WEDNESDAYS HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPY THOUGH. BUT MY SPIDER'S CURSE HAS MADE THEM EVEN WORSE. NOW THAT REALITY IS KICKING IN WITH A BIG WHAM, WHAT FATE AWAITS THE TIMID SPIDER?
I DON'T THINK THE FATES COULD SAVE HIM RIGHT NOW. NOT EVER. NOT UNTIL HE FINDS PEOPLE WHO WOULDN'T TELL OF HIS CURSE, AND YET ACCEPT THE YOUNGIN' THAT HIDES BEHIND THE MASK. THE KID THAT ISN'T EVEN OLDER THAN ANY MAN'S SON. THAT MAN WHO HAS AN ITCHY CROTCH BECAUSE OF HIS SUIT. AND HIM WHO REALIZES THAT LIFE IS FILLED WITH WEBS ALL INTERTWINED AND YET, LOOSE AT SOME ENDS, BECAUSE THE STRINGS HAVE DECIDED TO LET GO. INTENTIONALLY.
ancient one out. in the rain.
and you and i will never be.
forever bound by webs of regret
and marauded by enemies
whose powers are far beyond
those we could comprehend.
but who are we to question?
and how?
while swinging from building to building?
swooping down skyscrapers
and peeping through windows
of strangers that make us feel welcome.
we will always be spidermen;
and you and i will never be.
how sad, this life can be for us
who have chosen to not choose;
insterad, we have let the fates
do the choosing for us.
we will always be spiders trapped in little nests
of webs and lies
of love and those lost
of tears and smiles
of bunwich and foxes that live up to their name
and what at the end of the day?
snoring together while talking to old friends
and enjoying it.
i will always be spiderman;
and you and i will never be.
i just have to live with it.
even if i haven't accepted the reality
that you have moved on.
***
'JUST GOT BACK FROM WATCHING SPIDER-MAN 2.AND I HAD A BLAST. FEARLESS WAS RIGHT. IT WAS BETTER THAN THE FIRST ONE. THE ONLY REGRET THAT I HAD WAS THAT I DIDN'T WATCH IT THE FIRST TIME IT CAME OUT.
CURIOUS, THOUGH. THE WORDS STUCK TO ME LIKE GLUE. AND I GOT TO THINK ABOUT THINGS. A LOT OF THINGS. SOME THINGS I THOUGHT I FORGOT ABOUT. OR LEAST SHELVED FOR A EHILE.
BUT UNLIKE SPIDERMAN, I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS. BECAUSE THIS IS THE SPIDEY THAT I AM. THIS IS MY GIFT. THIS IS MY CURSE. WHAT LITTLEST INTELLIGENCE THAT I CLING TO IS USED FOR WHAT LITTLE GOOD I COULD GIVE BACK TO THOSE WHO ONCE BECAME BIG PARTS OF MY LIFE. PARTS THAT I BROKE. SHARDS EVERYWHERE; YET THEY HAVE FOUND WAYS TO GLUE BACK THEIR SUITS, AND LIVE AGAIN. ME? HAH!
I AM NO FRANKENSTEIN. I AM SPIDERMAN. LOST IN THE ABYSS OF REGRETS OF NOT ACCEPTING THE GIFT THAT I HAVE. INSTEAD, HAVE CHOSEN TO LIVE A CURSE, KNOWN ONLY TO A FEW. WEDNESDAYS HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPY THOUGH. BUT MY SPIDER'S CURSE HAS MADE THEM EVEN WORSE. NOW THAT REALITY IS KICKING IN WITH A BIG WHAM, WHAT FATE AWAITS THE TIMID SPIDER?
I DON'T THINK THE FATES COULD SAVE HIM RIGHT NOW. NOT EVER.
ancient one out. in the rain.
Jul 16, 2004
have nothing to blog. here's something from mdawwg. hope he doesn't get mad.
[1] if there was one person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, who would it be? why?->> THE ONE WHO ALWAYS BELIEVED IN ME AND BLESSED MY LIFE WITH LOVE AND SO MUCH ENCOURAGMENT. "...Darling you, you make me feel brand new, for God blessed me with you..."
[2] if the one you love loves someone else, what would you do?->> CRY MY HEART OUT. MOVE ON. AND BE THANKFUL THAT LOVE CAME INTO MY LIFE EVEN FOR A MOMENT AND FILLED ME WITH OVERFLOWING HAPPINESS.
[3] what was the biggest mistake you have done? (in terms of loving)->> BEING SELFISH AND INSENSITIVE.
[4] if you could turn back time, what would you have done?->> BECOME A BETTER BOYFRIEND BY LOVING SELFLESSLY.
[5]if you like someone right now, what is it in him/her that made you fall?->> THOSE KILLER EYES. AND THAT GENTLE AND LOVING HEART. I CAN FALL OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
[6] would you consider yourself lucky at this point because of someone? ->> DAMN, LUCKY!
[7] how far are you willing to go for your loved one?->> FARTHER THAN I'LL EVER EXPECT. I BELIEVE TRUE LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES.
[8] what is the greatest sacrifice you have done for love?-> MY SACRIFICE. I GAVE UP MY DREAM AND MY GOALS FOR ONE PERSON. IT WAS ALSO MY FATAL MISTAKE :(
[9] who is the person you would call 'my life' right now?-> TK
[10] do you believe in love at first sight?-> NO.
[12] what if you fell inlove with your friend, would you tell? -> I THINK THE GREATEST MISTAKE ONE CAN EVER MAKE IS DENYING YOUR HEART'S DESIRE. YES, I'D TELL.
[13] destiny or magic?-> A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH.
[14] how can you let go of sum1 that wasn't yours from the start?!->> DRINK A COUPE OF ABSINTHE. KNOCK YOURSELF OUT ON THE DANCEFLOOR. HAVE A SHOT OR TWO OF TEQUILA. BREAK SOME MOVES. AND BREAK YOUR OWN HEART SO YOU CAN MOVE ON.
[1] if there was one person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, who would it be? why?->> THE ONE WHO ALWAYS BELIEVED IN ME AND BLESSED MY LIFE WITH LOVE AND SO MUCH ENCOURAGMENT. "...Darling you, you make me feel brand new, for God blessed me with you..."
[2] if the one you love loves someone else, what would you do?->> CRY MY HEART OUT. MOVE ON. AND BE THANKFUL THAT LOVE CAME INTO MY LIFE EVEN FOR A MOMENT AND FILLED ME WITH OVERFLOWING HAPPINESS.
[3] what was the biggest mistake you have done? (in terms of loving)->> BEING SELFISH AND INSENSITIVE.
[4] if you could turn back time, what would you have done?->> BECOME A BETTER BOYFRIEND BY LOVING SELFLESSLY.
[5]if you like someone right now, what is it in him/her that made you fall?->> THOSE KILLER EYES. AND THAT GENTLE AND LOVING HEART. I CAN FALL OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
[6] would you consider yourself lucky at this point because of someone? ->> DAMN, LUCKY!
[7] how far are you willing to go for your loved one?->> FARTHER THAN I'LL EVER EXPECT. I BELIEVE TRUE LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES.
[8] what is the greatest sacrifice you have done for love?-> MY SACRIFICE. I GAVE UP MY DREAM AND MY GOALS FOR ONE PERSON. IT WAS ALSO MY FATAL MISTAKE :(
[9] who is the person you would call 'my life' right now?-> TK
[10] do you believe in love at first sight?-> NO.
[12] what if you fell inlove with your friend, would you tell? -> I THINK THE GREATEST MISTAKE ONE CAN EVER MAKE IS DENYING YOUR HEART'S DESIRE. YES, I'D TELL.
[13] destiny or magic?-> A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH.
[14] how can you let go of sum1 that wasn't yours from the start?!->> DRINK A COUPE OF ABSINTHE. KNOCK YOURSELF OUT ON THE DANCEFLOOR. HAVE A SHOT OR TWO OF TEQUILA. BREAK SOME MOVES. AND BREAK YOUR OWN HEART SO YOU CAN MOVE ON.
Jul 15, 2004
what use is there to blog?
is there anything else to say after everything?
*wink wink*
why do i have a feeling that you're winning over my kids? and you're way ahead of the battle. what's next? the boom box i call home? *wink wink*
angaling mo naman heheh
i'm in a slump. don't know when i'd bounce back. maybe after a few weeks i could be back. time permits. love permits. sanity permits.
though i've never been sane in the first place. you know that, fearless.
ancient one out.
hopefully not for good.
is there anything else to say after everything?
*wink wink*
why do i have a feeling that you're winning over my kids? and you're way ahead of the battle. what's next? the boom box i call home? *wink wink*
angaling mo naman heheh
i'm in a slump. don't know when i'd bounce back. maybe after a few weeks i could be back. time permits. love permits. sanity permits.
though i've never been sane in the first place. you know that, fearless.
ancient one out.
hopefully not for good.
Jul 2, 2004
i am the stupid git.
the wandering soul that seeks
finds and leaves.
i will have to leave behind
all that i love
for a while.
focus.
need to.
or else.
the wandering soul that seeks
finds and leaves.
i will have to leave behind
all that i love
for a while.
focus.
need to.
or else.
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