kismet death

the fates are on to me, i know
hiding behind the cover of reality
making me believe that
things are as they should be
marking ev'ry move,
listing ev'ry squint, whince, sigh

i know the fates are on to me
lurking amongst corners
in gallant pursuit of catching me
unarmed, unclothed
restless and unprepared
smiling,grining at the opportunity
to pounce, gnaw, tear me into shreds
and feed me to other lost souls
that hunger for love
for angst, for salvation

you bet i know the fates are on to me
fleeing the warm embrace of the sun for me
to make sure i suffered
as much as they did
to trick me into accepting life
as an atrocity
to help me succomb to the guilt
that was your stolen love
and realize i was alone.


hidden
by ectar

i mean goodbye
like i mean goodnight
like when the night will hide me
from plain sight
but though you don't see me
you know

i'm there

unraveled

my consciousness
awoke in your arms
wondering why this
couldn't happen often
wondering why life couldn't be
like waking up in your arms
all the time
but i don't wonder much


life isn't that fair anyway.


euphoric

euphoric is my love for you
when we make love
i tremble, grow dazed
drowning in your arms
your warm breath, your touch
i long for another
perfect night with you, love
come to me.

torn in between takes

torn into shreds
unloved and scathed
tricked, marooned, left for dead
in the palace of doom
scorned, crying silently
i laugh still in bliss
blissful not of the predicament
but of the fact
that you were mine
for eternity

silenced but relentless
as the sun to the moon
and my life to yours soon
life touched, but never owned
kisses landed but never sealed
humanity silenced but not concealed
trickery forlorn, ev'ry scar traced
washed, blown, scorned.

lapis
(excerpt from 'silent shrieks')

METUNG
titigan mo ako
at hayaang maging malaya muli
mahal kita, alam ko
kaya lang, alam mo ba?
o bihag pa rin ako
ng katangahan ng pag-asang
minsan mahahagkan ka ng lubusan
di kailangang mangambang
mahuli tayo nila
at muli'y ilayo ka sa akin

ADWA
kahit minsan titigan mo ako
nang malaman mong
hindi lang pulos kahibangan
ang laman ng utak ko
na walang ginawa kundi isigaw
ang pangalan mong tila alingawngaw
na walang tigil sa pagpapahirap sa akin

ATLU
aba! paano ba mabubuhay
kung walang ginawa kundi umiyak
ang pusong alipin ng iyong alaala

APAT
aba'y kahit minsan man lang
pagdamutan mo ako ng iyong titig
ng kahit paano ay sumilay ang liwanag
sa aking mga labi na
itim na itim na sa kakasigarilyo
at kapipiyok sa pag-awit
ng kantang iyong ginawa

LIMA
titigan mo ako kahit na minsan
upang lumaya itong katawang walang lakas
dahil naubos na sa kaiisip sa 'yo

ANAM
titigan mo ako dahil
wala nang iba pang magagawa
sapagkat huli na
para umisip pa ng ibang gagawin.

three commandments
by ectar

you shouldn't
worry about me.

i worry enough
for both of us.

i'm the last person
you need
to worry about.


lonely

i look at you
and thank Him that i did
you are so beautiful
in ev'ry right

your eyes smiling back
whenever you look
at my soul
and your tears shred
me like hell

what good have i done
to deserve you?
i know not
nor do i know anything but
your gaze, your touch, your fiery kisses
that melt me into an insignificant pulp
of burning passion and reality

i look at you
and wonder where you have been
hiding for the past years
why have you not pleased my soul
of being discovered? chartered? loved?
and instead chose to be
inconspicuous from me; restless
brooding

too many times have i stood
in front of the mirror and asked
my image for the love
it has yearned for so long
and i have found it!
i yearn no more
I YEARN NO MORE

verily i trod forbidden paths
and accept all that they are
let them pierce through me
and yet i could smile
and yet i could love
i face what life throws at me
as i look into those squinty eyes
that stare back at me
i shudder to think
that i may lose those eyes
one day

i will never forgive myself for doing so.

honesty

honestly
things couldn't be any better
than when i'm with you
YOU.
your eyes, your smile
your look, your sighs
what more could a man ask for?
you engulf me
like clouds that hover about wanting earth,
not knowing when you'll extend
generosity to us who are morally jested
and mentally provoked
honestly
life could have been better
being with you is great
but it never is everything
there will always be other things
things that transcend our realities
things that meddle
with how we think, how we feel
how we touch
honestly
my heart can't get any better at all
tattered, hurt and left for dead
always spoken to, but never understood
angry but could not blow steam
talkative yet secretive
shouting but silenced.

percentages
by ectar

was dozing off in between
eyes really feel like hell (+2%)
and i'm not even done yet!
da***t! fu**!
(+4% for cursing)
anyway
hope you'll have a great day.

69%... I am not pleased.

I am 69% evil.




I'm getting there. I haven't done all the damage I could do but I've done quite a bit. I'm just over the border into the Evil Zone.


Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com


At least I'm more evil than Ectar. Hehehe.

nawawala

Pinagtagni-tagning langit
Ang hawak ng haraya
Nitong mga pusong sawi
Noon at noon pa
Kailan nga ba makakakita
Ng kaunting liwanag
Sa dulo ng madilim, masalimuot
Na gabing saksakan ng pait
Minsan nang nangarap
At nasawi ang puso
Minsan nang umiyak
Humikbi, nawalang pag-asa
Malalim ang gabi
Malamig, matalas ang hangin
Malupit ang hagupit
Bawat ihip, lumalatay
Subalit hindi ko iniinda
Sapagkat ang haraya ay masaya
Masaya sa iilang alaala
At iilang pinagtagni-tagning langit
Masaya sa iilang nakaw na sandali
At iilang impit ng puso
Na minsang nangarap, humiling
Na makatagpo ng ibang harayang
Minsan ring nangulila, naghanap
Nagdasal na makatagpo
Ng sariling kaligayahan.

traveler

one day i found myself alone. unable to discern what was right and what was wrong. god was nowhere in sight, and darkness had befriended me.
one day i found myself in a recurring dream; seemingly, i was unaware that i indeed was in one. i was crying, pouring my heart out, to the sadness that never was mine.
one day i found myself mesmerized by the lights. by the sounds. by the ruckus. one day i found myself engulfed in din, bathing in sin. and loving it.
one day i found myself and stopped.
my eyes were glaring, staring at the fearful sight.
i didn't understand any of what i knew anymore.
one day, while i was alone
traveling the path some have decided to take,
i overlooked the road and stumbled on a pebble.
i was weak then. i gushed blood. i spewed blood. i cried blood.
but it didn't matter anymore. i was happy.
or at least i told myself that i was.
one day, it all went blur. i couldn't understand anymore. there were no lines, no markings. no road signs to help me.
i was walking aimlessly. but it didn't matter.
it did not matter.
one day while i was trekking, i stumbled upon a pebble.
meek. quiet. forgotten. hurting.
i took pity on the pebble, taking it unto my arms and reviving its past long forgotten.
but then i realized, holding the pebble in my hand, that it did not need my pity.
that it was all right.
that i needed pity.
that i needed the pebble.
one day while i was alone in my path, i stumbled upon a pebble. the pebble was meek. giving. forgiving. fragile. i needed the pebble for apparent reasons.
but i was too scared to admit that i did.

the day of the isaw

the day of the isaw has faltered
gone like a distant memory
untouchable, scathed, irritating, haggard

the day of the isaw has faltered
noone dares to grin over its personage
light has dimmed
over its pungent aroma
and the gods, forsaken its soul

the day of the isaw has faltered
memories a drift in a primordial pool
of jaunt, wit, dirt, angst
what is asked of us
but the saddened understanding
of nothingness
gone are the days of the isaw
alone
untouchable
scathed
unloved
burgeoning silence.

park bench: an excerpt
(from silent shrieks)

i sit here silent, undaunted
alone, i tried
looking into those eyes
that i found cute
and found none but a stare
back at me
how i would like to kiss
those eyes that capture me
more than the sunrise that
bless my earth with life
i wonder if i will ever be
part of those mirrors that seek
understanding of a heart
and aches for the tears
of loneliness
i sit here pale, bettered, quiet
trying to fill me with excitement
never felt before
in this putrid, pudgy
poor excuse for an existence
that constantly secure
the feeling of nothingness
i sigh at the sight
of those eyes that jaunt
my every morn, every dusk, every dawn
and shower me with emotions
of calmness and simple shrugs
that proved i still existed
i sit here out of rhythm, thought
impulsive, wanting so much
to hold those eyes in my hands
and keep them for myself
but i know i can't


leave
(from "the ouvre book")

i saw you peeking through the window
i saw you making faces
annoying me, laughing so heartily
i saw you there
where clotheslines and hearts met in private
i saw you where dad plants his trees
by the orchard near the green mountains
i saw you one day
i picked fruits for sick mama
i saw you - golden hair
rich brown eyes
there in my orchard -
wanting to learn how to plow
wanting to kiss the earth
that gave us our lives
hey, i saw you
running wildly like the wind that kissed
your sunburnt skin, your lips
fiery red, and body that wanted hands
to grab it and flee
there where dreams cry out
and the sun does not laugh
i saw you cying endlessly
making noises along the alley
dresstorn, lips bloody
i saw you
legs parted and soul wretched
i saw them
i saw them
i saw them
but i did nothing.

untitled 1

mist covers my eyes
unwittingly hiding how i felt about that night
you decided to leave me.
needless to say
i was not pleased by the fact
that you chose to go away;
to leave me with my arrogance
as my only companion.
i laugh now at the thoughts
of my displays of rage
that led to nothing.
i am distraught.
misty eyed, i spoke softly now
trying to make words mean things
and try to understand why
things aren't what they should.
why aren't things as they should?
i dared not to ask why.
misty eyed i sat at a nook.
quiet.
calm.
dead.


quaint

we shall want, yearn, long.
anticipate for things that may not come.
we aspire, create, whim for feelings
that never were.
we indulge, crave, evoke, endure realities
too surreal to comprehend.
we love, want, yearn
long for the wrong person...
and yet
in the quaintest sense
it feels so right.


beyond

beyond love is where we rest
amongst the stares
the sighs, the gestures
there rest we
lovers who love
beyond loving
merging into one
and embracing the inevitable
i love you
beyond.

hagupit

matalas ang hangin
habang humahampas sa aking balat
sa aking puso
sa kaluluwa
mabigat ang aking mga yabag
mga haplos
mga pagsisisi
matalas ang hangin
habang humahampas sa aking pag-iisip
sa aking puso
sa aking kaluluwa
matalas ang hangin subalit
ito'y 'di ko inalintana
sapagka't mas matalas ang hagupit
ng iyong mga tingin
at ng iyong pagiimbot
sa aking balat
sa kaluluwa
sa puso.

silence is not the absence of sound, but the presence of nothingness in one's heartbeat.