it's the holidays. joyeux noel to everyone.
a smiley is in order :)

***
a couple of weeks back, during my first EdD class at PLM, a classmate of miine reported on educational stats. one that struck me was the data on the increasing underachievement among boys in the elementary and secondary levels here in the country.

almost a three-thirds of the girls in a graders class would pursue high school, and more than half of them would graduate from college (they comprising the total 15% of those who actualy finish a 4-year degree in tertiary school); more women also went to graduate school.

i raised a question during the class. "i have nothing against women/girl power," i started. "but what is the overly achieving female population doing to help the underachieving male?" there was silence for a bit, and then sparks flew for a while.

i'm starting to think that with the way things are going, maybe in a future not to far away, when people people start talking about gender sensitivity, they would refer to men.

***
i was on my way home from a party, and the bus passed by a group of indigents who were engaged in mendicancy in the city i worked for. they were quite a bunch - kids, fathers, mothers, aunts and uncles, cousins, grandfolks, etc. the whole darn nine yards.

when i got to SM, i saw the queue of people at the counters, the bustle of people waiting for their turns at the ATMs, smiles and woes after getting the 13th month pay.

and i started wondering - people at work were becoming sarcastic over a delayed 13th month pay, clamoring that that supplies at the malls were wiped out, and that they were not given the opportunity to enjoy the benefits that the law mandated them to have... in front of me were people drastic to buy a shirt, a pair of shoes, a rubber duckie. outside, there were people who barely knew what a fresh-off-the-mint P500 bill felt like - people who were sometimes recruited and used by syndicates to do their mendicancy bidding - FILIPINOS who were second, third, fourth, nth class citizens in their own country.

as intoxicating as christmas can get in the philippines, we sometimes forget that it's not all about the gifts. it's not all about the hustle and bustle... f***, in the spirit of christmas we forget we even have spirits.

it's just shoes, toys, food, drinks, and a couple of Mangyans and Badjaos eagerly waiting for a peso outside the glass windows. that's christmas Pinoy style. don't you just love how we mess things up and make it into a tradition?

***
SPEAKING of gender sensitivity, i'm starting to feel like it's not just the men who ask for double standards.

when a man and a woman ride a bus, for example, and only one vacant seat is left, women expect that the man would give way and let HER take the seat. she wouldn't say it outrightly, but if the guy takes the seat, sub-vocally she bad-mouths the dude.

so, women expect men to be gentlemen, guys of valor. women should be given seats, held open doors for, what have you. BUT, women should also be treated as equals - in business, in politics, in education. how come then, that when a woman rides a bus or takes a cab, and a guy rushes towards the seat or grabs the taxi door first, women say an awful lot of things, when well in fact men are JUST treating them equally?

THAT is how men are. cut-throat, vicious, unforgiving. how can a separate standard be set for another? i paraphrase from dr. paragas from a recent communication convention i attended with the kids - there has to be the same metrics for all.

***
i was recently elected as a board member for the philippine association of communication educators. it is my first time to become a trustee for a national organization. f***, my head blew away.

we had the first official BOT meeting and christmas fellowship last december 20. i had to miss the institutional party to make way for the board meeting.

the BOT meeting was held at the home of the immediate past president in ayala heights in QC. i was a massive structure with a 15-foot ceiling, lovely christmas decor, and a troupe of smiling faces.

the meeting went on from 4.30pm till 12 midnight. during the break, we had a mass officiated by a Jesuit priest, who happened to be the first president of the organization (quite frankly, it was the most solemn mass i had ever attended - probably because there wasn't more than 20 people in the garden where the mass was held). at one pont, our host led a chorale into the gardens and had them serenade us with christmas songs. we had coffee afterwards and then continued with the meeting.

***
while i was at the market this morning, i stopped by the meat shop i usually bought meat from. while waiting for the pork to be chopped, two kids - mendicants - approached me. i have a rule in giving alms, mind you. i tell myself, "i can earn the money i give away in just a few minutes. i need not mind whichever they intend to use the money." not very devcom-ish, i know (since devcom "teaches people to fish, instead of giving them fish), but i pulled out a P5 coin out of my coin purse and handed it over to the little guy whose palm was being raised at me by the apparent sister.

to my surprise, the older of the two raised her palm in front of me and said, "ang sa akin, nas'an? (where's mine?)" i told her i already gave P5 since they apparently were together. she smirked and said, "hindi, magkaiba yun. asan yung sa'kin? (no, that's different. where's mine?"

i graciously declined (my first this year), and walked away. as i walked home, i felt bad. i could've just pulled out another peso and gave it to the girl - but i didn't. i felt there was something wrong with how things were.

people blame the badjaos and the other indigents for the culture that they have - nomadic, lack of concern for hygiene, easily duped, etc. but we faile to realize, everything that's happening is OUR fault - the rich, the educated, the greedy, the city dwellers. it IS our fault.

***
it's the holidays.
be safe. hey.

i've turned sober.
i think.

***
the past few days, i've grown from weary to relaxed to nonchalant over the things that are unfolding. i'm starting to hate myself, again (that's why i hate being sober...from work). it's like i have no control over everything - i've let go; i don't have direction.

i've grown reckless.

***
a friend recently told me about odesk.com. it's a website for providers of work - the most menial of tasks to the most technical.

i took the qualifying test five times (much to my dismay). i qualified for the readiness test, and passed two more skills tests to boost my profile.

i have yet to get some work (i was turned down once). grr.

***
my daughter's birthday is coming up - january 6. we're planning to hold the party at McDonald's uptown. we're inviting just a couple of people. times are hard; i don't have a lot of budget for it.

***
my brother might be coming home from singapore within the week. his bid to find a secured working permit in the merlion city has faltered. that's like 50-grand going down the drain, a house leased without paperwork, and us sleeping on the sidewalk if things become worse.

***
i am so tired of everything, right now. o hope i can find some time to rest.
for my soul, for my heart. for my loved-ones, for my concept of reality.

life is starting to piss me off.
and my mind is so complicated right now.
totally.

***
hey.

ei there.
it's the end of the second day of the pinoy media congress here at st. scholastica's.
the kids and i decided to stay over at the providence towers (a stone's throw away from st. scho). i got seven rooms for the kids, with five kids occupying each room.

***
the first day of lectures were a refresher on the varied aspects of research in the communication "spacescape".
it was also a day of many disappointments.

for one, a sophmore came an hour late, taking as double the time to get to the hotel.
the guy didn't even say sorry; on top of that, he was event sly about it.

disappointment number two came later in the evening, after shut-eye. apparently, one of the group of kids (who were allowed to wander from one room to another) rung the doorbell of the wrong unit, much to the dismay of the owner (because they insistently rung the doorbell a couple of times).

a couple of them were also very rawdy while they walked the corridors. that translated into a complaint from one of the tenants, which the guard told me this morning.

number three: i left the kids the whole day because teachers had to transfer to benilde for a day of seminars. at dinnertime, the kids were extra noisy at jollibee. i was so disappointed. people were looking at us from the other tables.

kaya baga ayaw kong magsama ng mga sobrang bata. minsan kasi antaas ng expectations ko. ansakit tuloy kapag hindi ko na-meet yung mga expectations na yun.

***
i was elected as a new board member of the philippine association of communication educators, the country's oldest and widest organization for communication teachers.
i don't know if i'll be happy or sad about it - knowing the amount of time such a responsibility will demand. Jesus will find a way.

i'll post pictures of the media congress here soon.

***
i have never been as tired.
i need a break.
hey.

monday. day of reckoning.

***

my daughter and i spent six hours in the mall.
just her an me. imagine that. LOL

***

my parents had to take my brother to the airport (he's flying off to singapore for work). my wife had to report to the office; i was left with my baby.

for starters, i have never spent longer than an hour taking care of my baby (except that one time grace had to attend a company outing, and was stranded overnight in laguna because of the torrential rains). she reacts immediately after seeing me, almost not able to identify who i am, and starts crying.

anywho, i was left to take care of carla that day, so we decided to stay at the mall because it was a fairly hot day (we have no air-conditioning). i swung a baby bag on my right shoulder, grabbed Tigger the stuffed toy, had a bottle of milk, and held carla on my left. we were then off to the mall.

***

being at the mall was one thing. taking care of her was another. i think it helped that the mall is eye-candy for kids. the lights and the sights actually kept her pre-occupied. after a couple of hours of going around, she finally slept. i laid her on one of the tables at the foodcourt (don't worry.may sapin siya na kumot.). an hour later, she woke up and we had to go about the mall once again.

an hour before grace met up with us at SM, she made pupu. i panicked for a bit. i have never changed diapers before. it was daunting.

i bought an extra diaper from watson's. i was out of nappies. i took her to the men's room, took off her diaper and washed her up. i managed to change her nappies.
i looked at her, and told myself "i actually changed her diapers. wow."

***

carla was playful that day. i almost cried looking at her as she played with me. i realized i was lucky to be a father to such a spritely kid. i think she'd grow up smart. i hope she does.

a couple, who was a friend of ours, saw carla and i at the mall. we looked cute together, they said. she looked like me, they said. then the woman turned to her husband and asked when they'd have a child. my friend, jesty as he was said, "kapag sawa na 'ko sa 'yo."

***

how was your day?
still here.
hey.

i don't know why, but i felt like i need a dose of reality.
somebody butt-slap me please. i must be daydreaming. again.

***
lotsa things happened lately.
for one, carla got admitted to the hospital because of broncho-pneumonia.
luckily, she was only on the primary stages. we stayed for four days in the hospital; poor girl, she had a needle on her foot.
funny thing though, she became more active at the hospital.
yun nga lang, she's not fond of drinking milk now (i don't know if that's a good or bad thing). she eats like a two-year-old, mind you.



***
speaking of carla, she now has half a tooth protruding her gum. it's also easier to ask her to pose for the camera; all you have to say is "show daddy your tooth," and she grins. cute!

she knows where to look for lizards (she points her index finger to the ceiling), and makes a hissing sound when you ask what sound a snake makes. she knows how to say no (she shakes her head frantically), and knows how to sip water, juice or any beverage using a straw (she stopped drinking water from the bottle, because of this).

carla knows how to compromise, especially when she needs to wash-up, have her ears and nose cleaned (which she hates), and is starting to stand up on her own (walking is another issue for her).

she likes the feeling of security, and touches the floor before she sits down.
i wouldn't wonder if she starts walking any time soon.

she's turning ten months on november 6.

***
i was in PhD class yesterday, and i couldn't help notice the number of know-it-alls in class. 'hate the 15-student-per-class set-up that they have now. the class has become more competitive, less fun, and add the classmate with the "S" defect who thinks he wrote the dogma for ethics, and there you have it.

sprinkle the class with a pinch of a history major who isn't sure of her facts, a professor who haggles over pleasing everyone, but demands approval of her every utterance, and a bunch of other sarcastic teachers from manila, and you'll have a pretty good picture of what my first day in class was yesterday.

***
people in the blue school are frantic over the loading for the new filipino teacher. i DO NOT KNOW what they're so frantic about.

HR says that the guy(?) was hired under the assumption that he'll receive a full load of 24 (funny, only 9units are floating). one of the heads texted me, frantically asking what could be done.

question: can't the newbie be asked to teach other subjects aside from filipino?
i've dont that before. why can't he?

now i know why people are leaving the blue school after a year or so. the bosses are excited too easily with stuff that can be handled. they hustle because the boss is from the industry who translates people into numbers, not remembering that people aren't numbers. they're human beings.

***
i'm thinking of leaving the blue school. maybe settle for something green or red. or fly off. we'll never know. the second semester is crucial; if the bosses continue to be too bossy, too frantic, and too short-minded, i might just leave.

i guess you'll never know how a system works until you become part of the system. honestly, it's not the kids, it's not the pay, nor the location that drive me in and out of schools. it's the bosses.

i feel bad for the kids; but hey, if i do leave, at least i've finished all the syllabi they need. and the course flow.

i think it was a good year for them, given the activities i gave them for the academic year. i just hope they settle everything (the arrears etc.), 'cause a lot of people have a lot of concerns.

***


met with an old friend yesterday.
shared a seat at the atrium mall, and some juice, before going home.
it was nice talking to my friend. it's been four years.
after the email at friendster, i never thought that the afternoon would actually become reality. i almost slapped myself (tried pinching, but it hurt).

as another friend once put it, life is like a big temptation island production.
it's up to you to give in.
but you know what?
i don't see anything bad about sharing a seat, some juice, and some talk.
who knows, we might even grab coffee one of these days.
for old times sake.

***
don't worry, both pig and fox know their limits.
and the pig wants to keep the friendship this time.
for keeps.



(don't worry; no messing around with the fox's friends in friendster LOL)
still here.
hey.

last night, i was watching the news, and heard of a news bit about a sequence in the government-owned british broadcasting company (BBC) that made rep. hontiveros' kettle whistle.

it was a video bit about a filipina, featured in the bbc comedy henry & paul who was seen gyrating and dancing maliciously in front of a brit, seducing him, and at one point, being instructed to "hump" the guy.

i wasn't very sure with what i heard, nor was i particularly interested initially by the newsbit, but it did stick to me. and because i knew philippine television wouldn't show the clip so i went to youtube and watched the clip.

SEE THE CLIP HERE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnfZKNJYLRM

after watching the clip, only then did i realize what it meant - the "desensitization of the issues of human trafficking," the continued mockery of the filipino overseas worker, the plight of asians and other colored people in the land of the melanin-deprived peoples, and the irrationality of british sexuality that is anchored on their innate inability to express themselves physically, either becuase they are not physically gifted or they're just one mile short of being plain sexually dumb.

***

the video proved another thing though: there are brits who find that molestation, prostitution, and racial apartheid are funny. to think these guys are supposed to be an epitome of the educated, western culture. culture my ass.

having that bloke just sit there, staring at the gyrating female only made the brits look worse. looking closely to the video, the filipina was actually stoic; she was doing it out of obedience and respect of a worker for her boss. nothing more. she wasn't enjoying what shw was doing. she was just following orders, because at the backof her head she had a family back home to feed, and it wouldn't help if she went all disgruntled against the hand that fed her and the family in 'pinas.

***

the video also strengthened the world's belief that most brits are either sexual tormentors, sadists, or pedophiles. they may or may not directly participate in the act, but they find the act amusing in itself, contributing to the total desensitizing effect of these issues. yuck.

***

people might say the filipina had it coming; she decided to agree and obey the command, and look where it got her.

but i'd like to put it this way: if she had a choice to stay and work in the country, wouldn't she have done that? the country has no viable work for many of its citizens, forcing them out of the country and into the vicious handsof the white man who sees himself as both the savior and the rightful tormentor of everyone else who has melanin in their skin.

***

i hope the day comes that we could get brit prostitutes, have them act naughty in front of the cam, and launch the video in youtube... wait, they already have that in England LOL

***

f*** you, bbc.
hey.

i just had to write.
it's my birthday today.

***

i was born around 10 in the morning, sept. 22, 1979.
i was 5.6lbs when i was born.
now i'm 180lbs, 5'10", with a beer belly, and flabby all over.
who ever thought? hehe

***

i just finished washing our clothes.
today was boring. got a few greetings on the phone; i was happy at least one of the four guys remembered it was my birthday today.

at school, i took with me a 12"-chiffon pan of graham ref cake and some maja blanca.
they said it tasted great.

i didn't make a big fuss about it. it felt surreal- almost unreal and heartless. i didn't feel at home just yet. it was like i was staying there only because i needed a shed to stay under; it wasn't just about the money. it was about a place to call a home.

after all the things that happened last foundation day celebration, i doubt if i'd feel at home with the blue school, just yet.

***

still here. hanging.
hey.

CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR NEW FAITH IDOLS!


WINCEL PORTUGAL
Tertiary Idol


FAYE MAALIW
Unified School Idol


DANILO AUSTRIA
Faculty Idol

WHO AMONG THESE HOPEFULS WILL BECOME THE VERY FIRST FAITH IDOL? CATCH THE SEPT. 8 FINALS GALA NIGHT @ THE FAITH COVERED COURT! TICKETS FOR ONLY P100!

WHO AMONG THESE HOPEFULS WILL BECOME THE VERY FIRST FAITH IDOL?
WATCH THEM AT THE CROWD PRESENTATION ON AUGST 26, 1PM AT THE FAITH COVERED COURT!
SEE YOU THERE!