i am going gaga over getting a copy of ILUSYON, a digital film that's part of the cinemaone digifilm festival. i am using it for my communication skills and literature classes, but i can't seem to get a copy of it. grr.

hindi ako manunula
walang tintang dumadaloy
sa aking mga ugat,
ni titik na nakaukit
sa aking puso.

sa aking balat'y hindi
nalalatay ang mga sugat ng hinagpis
na siyang dahilan ng paghabi
ng mga taludtod.
maniwala ka,
hindi ako manunula.

kahit ano'ng liyag sa umaga't
romansa sa buwa'y
hindi titining man lamang ang
mala-makatang silakbo
sa pita, sa kaluluwa.

siphayo ma'y siyang kaakibat
ng marubdob na pagtangi'y wala
ni kuntil ng binalangkas na
damdaming magkakasi.

pagka't hindi ako manunula;
siyang turing mo sa aki'y damong ligaw
sa iyong talampakan
at ikaw nama'y ilusyong
di tarok nitong hinuha.

overheard from a conversation:

man1: binubuksan yung hydrant sa kanto...
man2: yaah mo na't tagbuling naman.
man1: ala sayang ang tubig

today is the sunday before ash wednesday. and it is bulingan day today, which is tagged with a wickedly-enticing tradition of hurling buckets of water to females bystanders. i hate this day.

A BLACK SATURDAY
yesterday, i was with an argument with my dad over meds my brother had to take. giving him the money for my sib's check-up and meds was one thing; ordering me to do the buying as well was another.

i know i sound like an evil son - i am - but hear me out. i went out of my way to give my brother the money to buy the meds. that should have ended the discussion. but my dad had to go on. my brother went out to buy the meds, then sulked on the couch and watched 40-YO VIRGIN. my dad on the other hand, went into the house asking for the money.

i told him i gave my brother the money, and he bought the meds. here's what my dad said behind my back:

DAD: ano?! ikaw pa ang bumili? bakit ikaw pa ang bumili? e di nahirapan ka pa?!

wait a cotton-pickin minute. what did he mean by that, yelling over my shoulders? that I should have bought the meds? hello?! am i not tired? am i not sick? (i've had colds for a week)

this played in my mind during the incident: puta'ng ina, ako na nga ang nagbigay ng pera, eh ako pa din ang bibili ng gamot at ng kung anu-anong prutas na pinapabili nya?! puta'ng ina talaga! ano ako? katulong?! sino bang hindi magagalit, eh pinagmamadali na nga niya akong magbihis para makakuha ng pera sa banko, inaabutan pa ako ng listahan ng pinapabili ng kapatid ko?! ano ako? utusan? puta'ng ina talaga. kahit saan daanin, nagiging biased na ang tatay ko.

a little after the incident, my dad started asking if i wanted the rubber shoes he fixed. i told him i still had shoes. he pointed out that they were worn out. i said no thanks.

after he left, i intentionally said out loud in front of my sibs: ayokong magkautang na loob sa inyong lahat.

i went out and bought two pairs of sneakers.

a friend of mine wrote this poem for valentine's day, and boy abunda read it in his feb.14 HOMEBOY show. i was at work when he did. astig ka talaga, kiko.

Walang Araw Ang Mga Puso
Ni Francisco Montesena 2/6/06

Walang araw ang mga puso.

Ayokong sukatin
sa talulot ng mga bulaklak
O tamis ng mga tsokolate
ang halaga ng araw na ito.
Wala sa kulay rosas,
sa higpit ng mga yakap,
sa lamig ng paligid,
o dalas ng pagniniig.

Dahil ang puso ko
ay walang piniling araw
upang mangibabaw

ang tamis
ang kulay
ang lamig
ang init.

Lahat ng araw ng puso ko
ay pagmamay-ari mo.

love doesn't always prevail
but love doesn't always fail either.

THE BEGINNING OF AN END
after a brief meeting on the upcoming radio event this feb16-18, things started to heat up last feb11. words were flung like swords; hearts torn like pieces of japanese paper under the spring rain.

needless to say I hurt some feelings; it cost us big time. robin and phoenix resigned. effective this morning. you simply cannot imagine the awkwardness that i felt while i rode the van to school.

questions like "How'd i greet them?" or "What now?" or "Will I smile or just nod?"
in all honesty, i was uneasy to come to school today. and i wasn't disappointed with the results. when i opened the door to the radio room, phoenix was there. she was explaining something about the scheduling. "SIR" she emphasized. that's my girl. very professional. her words crushed my heart to pieces. i had to hold back the tears. this is how the end begins.

the whole time i was there at school, i felt awkward. i didn't know how to get along with the other mass com peeps. by now, i knew, they'd known of the feb11 incident. i was not welcome anymore...

dr. meñez went in a couple of minutes after, and started talking about the feb11 issue. how could she have known? wow. by then i knew things were turning bad; and i wasn't on the good side now. i was the evil one. i told her of my plans to resign from the station and lose the secret identity altogether of echo apao. she said i shouldn't; but my mind was made up. I HAVE TO. she told me arnie was being groomed to take over. i on the other hand, would become a possible candidate for department chairmanship. i don't know what to think anymore...

it's going to be hard to leave a place i called my real home for the last three years. i've never felt so loved anywhere else (aside when i'm with grace). i'm going to miss everyone. yes, even nympha.

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE...
i'm through with my thesis' final draft, together with the four output that i was required to create - two powerpoint presentations, one brochure on community participation, and a comic magazine on community involvement. i'm having it bound as i write; i'll be submitting the manuscript tomorrow morning.

i hate me.

after weeks (make that months) of laziness, i finally finished the last of the four requirements for the thesis: the community comics.

comprised of eight pages of characters lifted from old pinoy romance komiks and other paraphernalia from the department of health (imaging that!), i finally drafted my own comics, entitled KAUNLARAN with the volume title of "MAY BUKAS PA..."

corny? yes. but more than that, it's a requirement for the thesis. now that that's over, i could focus on the text of the actual thesis - the knitty gritty part.

i need to submit the updated manuscript by saturday. although, actually, i should have submitted yesterday. grr.

DAYS BEFORE...
days before, i found that my printer was plugged in to the AVR incorrectly. thus, it shut down. i had to go back to worksavers and asked them to fix it.

much to my surprise, they told me they had to take it to manila and have it fixed THERE. that was going to take a few weeks. yes, a few weeks.

the option? buy a new printer. so i did. under an installment plan daw. i took the hp3940 home and had it installed that night. much to my dismay, it did not install.

why? the blasted printer needed more RAM. i only had 128Mb. needless to say, knowing my berserk nature, i was furious.

the following day, i went to work with a hot head. i asked my dad earlier that morning to take the printer back to the shop for a replacement. along the way though, i changed my mind (after a brief word fight with the supplier). i asked my dad to keep the printer put.

the minute i got back home, i removed all peripherals from the cpu. i took it to the shop and bought the additional 128Mb. i did not avail of the installment plan anymore. even though i had little money left in the bank, i paid the darn printer and RAM fully. i took the cpu home.

WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

iwhen i got home, i took off my shirt ('cause it was freakin hot that day), and readied the cpu for installation. much to my dismay, the blasted printer wouldn't install.

i called the supplier yet again, and asked for a technician. i met with the technician at a nearby local grocery and took him back home with me. awa ng Dios, the kid didn't know what he was doing. the computer engineering junior intern did what most junior technicians would do - admit he didn't know what was happening.

luckily, the supplier called me back to check up on his kiddo. i asked for another technician. he sent me his senior technician.

a few minutes later, he was there at my house, fixing it. finally the printer puked out its test page. finally.

LESSON LEARNED?
ask suppliers to put their equipments' worth to where their mouth is.
grr. the day before was a shitty day indeed.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK AIGHT?