you smiled when i greeted you.
thanks.

***

i got a lot of things to be thankful for today.

yesterday was my birthday, right? well, i had a migraine attack, and had to go home early - spoiling the kids' plans of a surprise party for me.

but today, the kids finally pushed through with the party. everybody was there - well, almost. we had chocolate mousse cake (courtesy of dominic); pansit miki (from lil' john and darryl), bread, balloons, hotdogs-on-sticks, and a lot of cola. that and first peter band played for me too. (it was rehearsal day for the singers at BANDISTA, so they were all there too)

tapos, grace gave me a new red shirt. 'had a huge chinese character of knowledge in front of it. and it fits like a glove. i love it.
then the school gave me a sound system to use for BANDISTA - for free!!! man, that pays off all the nights i couldn't sleep thinking of where i'd look for an extra P10,000 for the lights and sounds.

that was the best news ever.

ei, it's the oinkster. i'm still here.

it's been a while since mi blogged. here are a few from my ninth book in the making entitled: KAWALAN

1
geez
that cat was run over
shrieking, shuddering
when the wheels touched her body
blood everywhere
hearts bleeding to hell
littlest mind squished
at the side of the road
how sad.

geez
that cat was run over
tail caught in the bumper
eues all bloodshot
sad thoughts
flashing before her littlest mind
squished at the side of the road
how sad.

that's gotta hurt.

2
it's me
who should apologize
you're just being nice and sweet
'nothing wrong with that
i can't turn nice and sweet
like you
and i regret that so much.

but i'm not asking you to.
all i want is for you to be true
to me.
and me alone...

3
it's the things we love
that end up killing us

and what's even funnier
is that we let it happen

that we let love throw us around
like rodeo clowns caught in bulls' horns

like birds with wings torn
and still trying to take flight

we let it take over our very soul
and leave us danggling by threads

threads that don't even match our knitwear
and leave us shabby, mundane, scathed.

how pathetic.

4
something bad's gonna happen
'cause i'm feeling
way damn good.

SHOULD I BE TROUBLED?
HELL 'YAH.
EVERYTIME SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS
TO ME
IT'S LIKE THE TOTAL OPPOSITE
IS ALWAYS BOUND TO HAPPEN

IT'S LIKE I'M CURSED
OR SOMETHING.
(AND FINDING OUT THAT THE VISIONARY AT THE HOSPITAL,
I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK
THAT THIS IS WHAT'S BOUND TO HAPPEN
'CAUSE I FELT SO GOOD THESE PAST FEW DAYS.)

MAYBE I AM CURSED
NOW THAT I START DREAMING OF HOLDING YOUR HEAD
WITH MY BARE HANDS AND
HUGGING YOU CLOSE TO MY CHEST
SILLY PIG.

something bad's gonna happen
'cause i'm feeling
way damn good.

5
hey,
if i don't get
to say this again
i'm saying it now.
i'm sorry.
for everything.

you dont have to
blame yourself
for everything.
most of it was
my mistake too.
my only regret
is we didn't turn out to be
what we expected us to be.
but i'm still glad
because once in our lives
we were friends.
good night.

***

friends out there,
please dropby my house on september 25
at around 8pm.
got a small party for us.
see you there.

***

that'll do for a few more days.
oink still breathing.

i think the best gift i'd ever receive for my birthday
on the 22nd would be forgiveness.
i know that terrestrial visionary knows what i am
talking about.
fate has become our fickle mistress; and even
though our paths have chosen to fork, i would still
like to see that visionary on my birthday.
i would like to ask for his eternal forgiveness
(having heard he has plans of leaving this bastion
of notoriety by next year - i would not like to have
someone having a grudge on me from as fas as
the other side of the planet.).
i don't know if he'll come. if he'll give me the luxury
of forgiveness. but i hope things would turn out
okay for us.
not that we never had a great friendship. then
when things weren't as complicated as now.

***
but you know what?
right after you gave me that stare tonight
and finding out you've erased me from FRIENDSTER
you just confirmed we'll never be okay ever again.
thanks for the not so comforting thought.
dammit.
you make me swear. big time. i guess you're happier this way.

***
inviting all of the people out there who still like me,
friends both intimate and platonic,
please come to my humble birthday celebration on september 25, saturday, at around 7pm, my place. please RSVP at my 0920*** number. thanks.

oink still here. peace out.

someone sent me this email through a new group i'm a member of. it interests me.

Thoughts On Pain
by torgay2004@yahoo.ca

It's been said all before but worth mentioning again… Pain is a
reminder of life, of love, of want, of hope, of care, of the world
around us. It is with pain that we find the deepest of our emotions,
and the depth of our souls.

Whether the pain is physical or emotional or mental, it reminds us
that we are alive, that we feel, that we love and that we care. For
without these things there is no pain…there are only events; there
is no life, there is only existence.

someone said this song reminds them of me. thanks

BOUNCE Been running from this feeling for so long Telling my heart I didn't need it Pretending I was better off alone But I know that it's just a lie So afraid to take a chance again So afraid of what I feel inside Right here with you is right where I belong I lose my mind if I can't see you Without you there's nothing in this life That would make life worth living for I can't make it if you're not there I can't fight what I feel any more But I need to be next to you I need to share every breath of you I need to know I can see you smile each morning Look into your eyes each night for the rest of my life Here with you, near with you, I need to be next to you ...every tuesdays, forever... :)

happy tuesday to you too.
oink oink