walang batas na nagsasabing bawal magmahal ng dalawa.
- Vilma Santos, MANO PO 3
honestly,
things are looking up for me.
in some ways, i guess.
i found that there are a lot of wayward souls,
as i am,
out there.
that a lot of us are looking
for sanctuary in the arms of
people who are total strangers,
but are facsimiles of each.
funny.
all the while i thought
i was alone;
instead, i found
myself
surrounded by others
whose eyes seek also
that which i seek;
and whose lips are sealed
by fate that i used
to craddle.
Weren't you the one that said
That you don't want me anymore
And how you need your space
And give the keys back to your door
And how I cried and tried and tried
To make you stay with me
But still you said that love was gone
And that I had to leave
Now you, talkin' bout a family
Now you, sayin' I complete your dream
Now you, sayin' I'm your everything
You confusin' me
What you say to me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me
Cause what goes around, comes around
What goes up, must come down
Now who's cryin', desirin' to come back to me
What goes around, comes around
What goes up, must come down
Now who's cryin', desirin' to come back
I remember when
I was sittin' home alone
Waitin' for you
Til' 3 o'clock in the morn
And when you came home, you'd always have some sorry excuse.
And explainin' to me, like I'm just some kinda fool
I sacrifice the things I want to and do things for you
But when it's time to do for me, you never come through
Now you, wanna be a bond of me (eyyy)
Now you, have so much to say to me (heyy)
Now you, wanna make time for me
What you do to me
You confusin me
Don't play with me
Don't play with me
Cause what goes around, comes around
What goes up, must come down
Now who's cryin', desirin' to come back to me
What goes around, comes around
What goes up, must come down
Now who's cryin', desirin' to come back
I remember when
I was sittin home alone
Waitin for you
Til 3 o'clock in the morn
Night after night
Knowin sumthing goin on
Wasn't home befo me
You was, you was gone
Lord knows it wasn't easy, but believe me
Never thought you'd be the one that would deceived me
And never do wha u was supposed to do
No need to hose me fool, cause I'm ova you
Cause what goes around, comes around
What goes up, must come down
Now who's cryin', desirin' to come back to me
What goes around, comes around
What goes up, must come down
Now who's cryin', desirin' to come back
It's called Karma baby
And it goes around.
What goes around, comes around
What goes up, must comes down
Now who's cryin, desirin to come back to me
KARMA
alicia keys
i was supposed to put a downloaded short story of a Norwegian display-window artist here, but i found that it was too much for me to bear.
dammit.
today, i discovered i am a conservative with neoclassical values.
hey.
Dec 28, 2004
true love is not variable;
it lasts forever.
today is my
red letter day
how i scrambled anxiously
looking for this
grabbing for that
making sure things
were okay.
today is my
yahoo-i'm-okay day
with streets paved
with frantic people
and minds more messed up
with woes and tears
apprehensions and jeers
what littlest mouse
can reject the season?
today is my
red letter day;
spaghetti and rice cakes
bread and agua.
spoons and forks,
smiles and steaks;
wht happiness lies
in today's red letters.
i'm glad they smiled
at her today;
accepted things and
offered more.
i'm happy they cheered,
today of all days -
my red letter day.
pinch me, i must be dreaming... *pinch pinch* not there, aight? :p
i'm here. hey.
it lasts forever.
today is my
red letter day
how i scrambled anxiously
looking for this
grabbing for that
making sure things
were okay.
today is my
yahoo-i'm-okay day
with streets paved
with frantic people
and minds more messed up
with woes and tears
apprehensions and jeers
what littlest mouse
can reject the season?
today is my
red letter day;
spaghetti and rice cakes
bread and agua.
spoons and forks,
smiles and steaks;
wht happiness lies
in today's red letters.
i'm glad they smiled
at her today;
accepted things and
offered more.
i'm happy they cheered,
today of all days -
my red letter day.
pinch me, i must be dreaming... *pinch pinch* not there, aight? :p
i'm here. hey.
Dec 27, 2004
yup, i'm back online. two blogs in a day. this is how bored i am today. i uploaded some new pictures in my other accounts. i hope the people in my clique like how i look. i'm not a looker, you know. just a guy with a big... heart.
i left the house this evening because i couldn't bear looking at my mother. i wasn't comfortable with the fact that i was sharing the same roof as she did. i guess i'm still mad at her.
a friend of a friend wrote this bulletin over at friendster. i hope he doesn't mind i posted it here.
Like Venus, the goddess
Fragile and innocent
Wildflowers I offer
In her sacred altar
In solitude of holy prayer
I lose my kingly sanity
Entwined in confession
I sweat with desire
Look at me so
I may be justified
Naked and bare
For you.
LOOK AT ME
zhi heng
sometimes, when we bare our souls to people we get two initial reactions: (a) this guy's freakin' crazy! why's he telling me these things?!; and (b) what the?!
it ain't easy bearing your soul to other people. you just aren't sure if that's the right thing to do. we will never know whether or not people are sincere when they listen to you. that's the scary part.
opening the link
i found you;
lips clasped intensely
with his.
your eyes,
i first saw. intense
drama flickering.
i believed you have
bounced; and he
has accepted to be
pounced at.
i'm wond'ring why
i even bother to talk
about it.
it's none of my business
now; you're happy.
so am i - seemingly;
but it hurts.
when i scrambled to see
how he looked like
i had things running
inside my head; assuming
through your descriptions
i found,
was something i should
not have done.
opening the link,
i saw him; smiling
at me, jesting
me; he has someone
i have no more. the vampire
has won.
closing the page,
as you did while giving
him fire, i shuddered;
dammit, i miss
kissing you. sitting amongst
all the other drones
linked to the comb,
i stared blankly
at the screen; you were now
a convert - once a lycan
now turned into a vampire;
and loving every moment
of it - in his arms,
his breath against your neck
his eyes staring, glaring
staring at you everytime
you made love since
three months is up,
and you've bounced.
gotta go. email me aight? hey..
i left the house this evening because i couldn't bear looking at my mother. i wasn't comfortable with the fact that i was sharing the same roof as she did. i guess i'm still mad at her.
a friend of a friend wrote this bulletin over at friendster. i hope he doesn't mind i posted it here.
Like Venus, the goddess
Fragile and innocent
Wildflowers I offer
In her sacred altar
In solitude of holy prayer
I lose my kingly sanity
Entwined in confession
I sweat with desire
Look at me so
I may be justified
Naked and bare
For you.
LOOK AT ME
zhi heng
sometimes, when we bare our souls to people we get two initial reactions: (a) this guy's freakin' crazy! why's he telling me these things?!; and (b) what the?!
it ain't easy bearing your soul to other people. you just aren't sure if that's the right thing to do. we will never know whether or not people are sincere when they listen to you. that's the scary part.
opening the link
i found you;
lips clasped intensely
with his.
your eyes,
i first saw. intense
drama flickering.
i believed you have
bounced; and he
has accepted to be
pounced at.
i'm wond'ring why
i even bother to talk
about it.
it's none of my business
now; you're happy.
so am i - seemingly;
but it hurts.
when i scrambled to see
how he looked like
i had things running
inside my head; assuming
through your descriptions
i found,
was something i should
not have done.
opening the link,
i saw him; smiling
at me, jesting
me; he has someone
i have no more. the vampire
has won.
closing the page,
as you did while giving
him fire, i shuddered;
dammit, i miss
kissing you. sitting amongst
all the other drones
linked to the comb,
i stared blankly
at the screen; you were now
a convert - once a lycan
now turned into a vampire;
and loving every moment
of it - in his arms,
his breath against your neck
his eyes staring, glaring
staring at you everytime
you made love since
three months is up,
and you've bounced.
gotta go. email me aight? hey..
CC: wawa naman u po. e2 pabwenas... mwah!
ER: day after christmas, and im stil sick. wish u wer hir
CC: ano b gnwa mo at nagkakasakit u?
ER: went to an overnyt seminr, nilamg me, i guess
CC: heheh drink plenty of fluids... take ur meds. take tym to rest also
ER: wala b gudnyt kis?
CC: hahaha gagu! :) chancing na yan ha! ehehehe cg na nga... mwah! o ayan, dapat magaling k n bukas...
somewhere there's a stream,
looking for a river;
somewhere there's a dreamer,
looking for his dream.
>ACCOMPLISHMENTS FOR THIS CHRISTMAS BREAK (you'd think there aren't any)<
1
had my first communion in three years. usually i take communion only during the last mass of the MISA DE GALLLO. for three years, i haven't gone to mass at christmas eve. yesterday, the gf asked me to partake communion with her. i obliged.
2
got to chat with my ninang's belgian bf. i found out that he was an intelligent man; that belgium has a moslem insurgency problem; that europeans have a tendency to be thrifty; that they love the summer season; that he's a close friend of jean claude van damme.
3
ate more than my body weight this christmas break.
today's got to be an extension of the really rotten days of christmas that i have been having for the past few days. this morning, while i meticulously checked papers, my dad and my brother got into a word fight - partly, twas my brother's fault since he was acting lazy again.
at the end of the word fight, my dad uttered something i wasn't prepared to hear: AKALA BA NG MGA 'YAN IPAGLULUTO KO PA SILA?! ANLALAKI NYO NA, BAHALA KAYONG MAGUTOM, TUTAL PALAMUNIN LANG KAYONG LAHAT!
and right then and there, my respect for my dad (a meager 20%) plummeted to about -30.
last night it was my mom's turn to piss me off. she was insinuating that my gf's folks were pressuring me to get married. hah! not now. got no dough yet.
I was six years old
When my parents ran away
I was stuck inside a broken life
I couldn't wish away
She was beautiful
She had everything and more
And my escape was hiding out and running for the door
Somebody listen please
It used to be so hard being me
Living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
My chains are finally free
Don't feel sorry for me
All the days collided
One less perfect than the next
I was stuck inside someone else's life and always second best
Oh, I love you now 'cause now I realize
That it's safe outside to come alive in my identity
So if you're listening
There's so much more to me you haven't seen
Living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally see
Don't feel sorry-
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Oh, my life is good
I've got more than anyone should
Oh, my life is good
And the past in the past
I was living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
I'm living in a new day
I'm living it for me
And now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally be
Don't feel sorry for me
Don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me(2x)
Living in, living in, living in the shadow
Living in, living in, living in a new day
SHADOWS
ashlee simpson
funny 'cause when you look at how my christmas "vacation" is turning out, i'm having the worst ever! dammit. 'hope i don't start hating christmas all over again.
i'm still here. hey.
ER: day after christmas, and im stil sick. wish u wer hir
CC: ano b gnwa mo at nagkakasakit u?
ER: went to an overnyt seminr, nilamg me, i guess
CC: heheh drink plenty of fluids... take ur meds. take tym to rest also
ER: wala b gudnyt kis?
CC: hahaha gagu! :) chancing na yan ha! ehehehe cg na nga... mwah! o ayan, dapat magaling k n bukas...
somewhere there's a stream,
looking for a river;
somewhere there's a dreamer,
looking for his dream.
>ACCOMPLISHMENTS FOR THIS CHRISTMAS BREAK (you'd think there aren't any)<
1
had my first communion in three years. usually i take communion only during the last mass of the MISA DE GALLLO. for three years, i haven't gone to mass at christmas eve. yesterday, the gf asked me to partake communion with her. i obliged.
2
got to chat with my ninang's belgian bf. i found out that he was an intelligent man; that belgium has a moslem insurgency problem; that europeans have a tendency to be thrifty; that they love the summer season; that he's a close friend of jean claude van damme.
3
ate more than my body weight this christmas break.
today's got to be an extension of the really rotten days of christmas that i have been having for the past few days. this morning, while i meticulously checked papers, my dad and my brother got into a word fight - partly, twas my brother's fault since he was acting lazy again.
at the end of the word fight, my dad uttered something i wasn't prepared to hear: AKALA BA NG MGA 'YAN IPAGLULUTO KO PA SILA?! ANLALAKI NYO NA, BAHALA KAYONG MAGUTOM, TUTAL PALAMUNIN LANG KAYONG LAHAT!
and right then and there, my respect for my dad (a meager 20%) plummeted to about -30.
last night it was my mom's turn to piss me off. she was insinuating that my gf's folks were pressuring me to get married. hah! not now. got no dough yet.
I was six years old
When my parents ran away
I was stuck inside a broken life
I couldn't wish away
She was beautiful
She had everything and more
And my escape was hiding out and running for the door
Somebody listen please
It used to be so hard being me
Living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
My chains are finally free
Don't feel sorry for me
All the days collided
One less perfect than the next
I was stuck inside someone else's life and always second best
Oh, I love you now 'cause now I realize
That it's safe outside to come alive in my identity
So if you're listening
There's so much more to me you haven't seen
Living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally see
Don't feel sorry-
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Oh, my life is good
I've got more than anyone should
Oh, my life is good
And the past in the past
I was living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
I'm living in a new day
I'm living it for me
And now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally be
Don't feel sorry for me
Don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me(2x)
Living in, living in, living in the shadow
Living in, living in, living in a new day
SHADOWS
ashlee simpson
funny 'cause when you look at how my christmas "vacation" is turning out, i'm having the worst ever! dammit. 'hope i don't start hating christmas all over again.
i'm still here. hey.
Dec 24, 2004
the entire sum of existence
is the magic of being needed
by just one person.
THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY...
1
i am not defined by my abilities alone.
2
huwag kang pasaway. please. walang away.
3
it is only by being unconscious and stubborn
that we become poets (McNair).
4
we will all be forgotten
the way fire forgets coal.
5
sex is not a sin
if you enjoy it.
'having a very shitty christmas eve morning. last night, after i took a bath and was preppin' up for sleep, i received a text message from the gf - she was screwed up. ask why. yup. 'cause of me.
turns out a couple of the neighbors and relatives saw us WALKING WHILE HOLDING HANDS. and at this day and age, guess what? people from that freakin' place still consider that as a mortal sin! f*** tham all. i hope they all burn in hell.
i was on a rampage. i was even crying over it this morning. what do they think of us? a bunch of 15-year old school kids going out in the world with newly-discovered puberty powers and tryng out which plug slides into which slot?! f*** them all.
the gf wants to not see each other till the 26th. she thinks that'll help. yah, right. i think the people in their place are the ones who need help. professional help. f*** them all (my apologies if "f*** them all" is starting to become this blog's rhythmic pattern).
needless to say, i AM pissed off. went by my ninang's pad, had breakfast with her topless bf, and went here to blow off some steam. man, this has got to be the worst christmas ever. f*** them all.
***
i'm off to a friend's place this afternoon to grab lunch, and take a sip. bahala na. a friend of mine decided to call it quits with his bf. he might drop by later tonight.
It doesn't really matter now you're gone
You never were around that much to speak of
Didn't think that I could Live without you, baby
It couldn't be that hard to live alone
But I'm all, all alone again
Thinking you will never say
that you'll be home again
And it's gonna be a long night
And it's gonna be cold without your arms
And it's gonna be get stage fright caught
in the headlights
And it's gonna be a long night
And I know I'm gonna lose this fight
Once upon a time we fell in love
And I thought that I would be the only one
But now I'm on, I'm on my own again
Thinking you will never show
that won't be home again
And it's gonna be a long night
And it's gonna be cold without your arms
And it's gonna be get stage fright caught
in the headlights
And it's gonna be a long night
And I know I'm gonna lose this fight
Lost in your arms baby,
Lost in your arms
Now I'm all on my own again
Thinking you will never show
that won't be home again
And it's gonna be a long night
And it's gonna be cold without your arms
And it's gonna be get stage fright caught
in the headlights
And it's gonna be a long night
And I know I'm gonna lose this fight
I'm gonna get stage fright, cought in the headlights
It's gonna be a long night
And I know I,m gonna lose this fight
I,m lost in your arms baby
Lost in your arms
LONG NIGHT
the corrs
i'll probably blog some more in a bit. gonna check out my mail.
catch you later. hey.
is the magic of being needed
by just one person.
THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY...
1
i am not defined by my abilities alone.
2
huwag kang pasaway. please. walang away.
3
it is only by being unconscious and stubborn
that we become poets (McNair).
4
we will all be forgotten
the way fire forgets coal.
5
sex is not a sin
if you enjoy it.
'having a very shitty christmas eve morning. last night, after i took a bath and was preppin' up for sleep, i received a text message from the gf - she was screwed up. ask why. yup. 'cause of me.
turns out a couple of the neighbors and relatives saw us WALKING WHILE HOLDING HANDS. and at this day and age, guess what? people from that freakin' place still consider that as a mortal sin! f*** tham all. i hope they all burn in hell.
i was on a rampage. i was even crying over it this morning. what do they think of us? a bunch of 15-year old school kids going out in the world with newly-discovered puberty powers and tryng out which plug slides into which slot?! f*** them all.
the gf wants to not see each other till the 26th. she thinks that'll help. yah, right. i think the people in their place are the ones who need help. professional help. f*** them all (my apologies if "f*** them all" is starting to become this blog's rhythmic pattern).
needless to say, i AM pissed off. went by my ninang's pad, had breakfast with her topless bf, and went here to blow off some steam. man, this has got to be the worst christmas ever. f*** them all.
***
i'm off to a friend's place this afternoon to grab lunch, and take a sip. bahala na. a friend of mine decided to call it quits with his bf. he might drop by later tonight.
It doesn't really matter now you're gone
You never were around that much to speak of
Didn't think that I could Live without you, baby
It couldn't be that hard to live alone
But I'm all, all alone again
Thinking you will never say
that you'll be home again
And it's gonna be a long night
And it's gonna be cold without your arms
And it's gonna be get stage fright caught
in the headlights
And it's gonna be a long night
And I know I'm gonna lose this fight
Once upon a time we fell in love
And I thought that I would be the only one
But now I'm on, I'm on my own again
Thinking you will never show
that won't be home again
And it's gonna be a long night
And it's gonna be cold without your arms
And it's gonna be get stage fright caught
in the headlights
And it's gonna be a long night
And I know I'm gonna lose this fight
Lost in your arms baby,
Lost in your arms
Now I'm all on my own again
Thinking you will never show
that won't be home again
And it's gonna be a long night
And it's gonna be cold without your arms
And it's gonna be get stage fright caught
in the headlights
And it's gonna be a long night
And I know I'm gonna lose this fight
I'm gonna get stage fright, cought in the headlights
It's gonna be a long night
And I know I,m gonna lose this fight
I,m lost in your arms baby
Lost in your arms
LONG NIGHT
the corrs
i'll probably blog some more in a bit. gonna check out my mail.
catch you later. hey.
Dec 23, 2004
ER: i had no right to pry. my bad. you're right. it's none of my business anymore. sorry.
FT: you're beyond sorry. you never learn.
ER: i guess you're right.
i haven't had any sleep yet. yesterday, raven invited me to co-facilitate a recollection for her classmates at SHERCON in mataas-na-kahoy. 'tales was the main facilitator of the event. please, brows down.
the night went on okay. a friend of mine even dropped by to ask if he could swim with us. he came in too early in the night. the kids were just starting with the activities.
the day before that i was stuck in manila, fixing some papers in varied embassies in makati, and found myself listening to a bunch of friends talking about FIRST QUADRANT (i'm planning to join). i got homw at around 2am. i stood in the bus from alabang to lipa. dammit.
today, coming from the recollection thing, i rushed home, took a quick bath, and went to batangas to fix some papers and get some money for my gf's mom. undeniably, i was exhausted by that time. but my tidious days didn't end there. i also went around a four mile radius, joining and conducting a local group of kids who were christmas carolling the community. hooked off with them just a while ago. man, am i tired.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
MY IMMORTAL
evanescence
'will be going home in a while. just gonna grab some hot chocolate.
'will sleep when i get home.
happy holidays to all. hey.
FT: you're beyond sorry. you never learn.
ER: i guess you're right.
i haven't had any sleep yet. yesterday, raven invited me to co-facilitate a recollection for her classmates at SHERCON in mataas-na-kahoy. 'tales was the main facilitator of the event. please, brows down.
the night went on okay. a friend of mine even dropped by to ask if he could swim with us. he came in too early in the night. the kids were just starting with the activities.
the day before that i was stuck in manila, fixing some papers in varied embassies in makati, and found myself listening to a bunch of friends talking about FIRST QUADRANT (i'm planning to join). i got homw at around 2am. i stood in the bus from alabang to lipa. dammit.
today, coming from the recollection thing, i rushed home, took a quick bath, and went to batangas to fix some papers and get some money for my gf's mom. undeniably, i was exhausted by that time. but my tidious days didn't end there. i also went around a four mile radius, joining and conducting a local group of kids who were christmas carolling the community. hooked off with them just a while ago. man, am i tired.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
MY IMMORTAL
evanescence
'will be going home in a while. just gonna grab some hot chocolate.
'will sleep when i get home.
happy holidays to all. hey.
Dec 20, 2004
i'm tired of being strong.
-GINA DE VENECIA during the wake of her daughter KC's untimely demise
it was the school's christmas party, and the kids got invited to partake in it. glad we did.
of the roster, a bunch of the kids (yours truly included) won the raffle:
SUGAR, RYAH and myself won P500 each; DARRYL won a giant frosted mirror; MADMAXX won an electric fan; LANCE won a 21" tv; and lil' JONA won for herself a flatron worth around 30 to 40 thousand pesos. four other people were called, but were not present during the raffle, thereby forfeiting their stash: SAM, MAJERSKI, FLINT and PEPPER.
in all, by the end of the raffle, all green-eyed monsters were staring at us.
***
this afternoon, we partly capped off the year (by partly we mean we'll still air pretty much until the last days of december 2004) by celebrating our christmas get-together. although only a few of the former DJs came, i was still glad they did.
kudos to huck finn (now storm in BAY RADIO) and double j - as in jeremy jones (soon to be appointed production director of the aforementioned station). their efforts to join in the fun was commendable.
after a couple of games, which included: dancing on paper; a "blow-job" activity (as in you blow onto a cup filled with flour to get the coin at the bottom); mime games; and a miniature paluan ng palayok (by miniature, i mean the size of the clay pot), we set off towards home, stuffed to the brim and with hurting cheek bones after laughing too hard.
musical performances were provided by FIRST PETER - launching their first single MAN OF MY DREAMS into full scale as well. i got to sang a few songs as well, as did double j.
i'm here. hey.
-GINA DE VENECIA during the wake of her daughter KC's untimely demise
it was the school's christmas party, and the kids got invited to partake in it. glad we did.
of the roster, a bunch of the kids (yours truly included) won the raffle:
SUGAR, RYAH and myself won P500 each; DARRYL won a giant frosted mirror; MADMAXX won an electric fan; LANCE won a 21" tv; and lil' JONA won for herself a flatron worth around 30 to 40 thousand pesos. four other people were called, but were not present during the raffle, thereby forfeiting their stash: SAM, MAJERSKI, FLINT and PEPPER.
in all, by the end of the raffle, all green-eyed monsters were staring at us.
***
this afternoon, we partly capped off the year (by partly we mean we'll still air pretty much until the last days of december 2004) by celebrating our christmas get-together. although only a few of the former DJs came, i was still glad they did.
kudos to huck finn (now storm in BAY RADIO) and double j - as in jeremy jones (soon to be appointed production director of the aforementioned station). their efforts to join in the fun was commendable.
after a couple of games, which included: dancing on paper; a "blow-job" activity (as in you blow onto a cup filled with flour to get the coin at the bottom); mime games; and a miniature paluan ng palayok (by miniature, i mean the size of the clay pot), we set off towards home, stuffed to the brim and with hurting cheek bones after laughing too hard.
musical performances were provided by FIRST PETER - launching their first single MAN OF MY DREAMS into full scale as well. i got to sang a few songs as well, as did double j.
i'm here. hey.
Dec 16, 2004
Life (and Love) is so ephemeral like that flame, here today, gone tomorrow.
But oh, we are so foolish because we know the truth yet continue to deny it. Or we acknowledge the truth but head for the wrong directions anyway. Either we say let's eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we shall die. Or we delude ourselves that earthly attachments are eternal. We go through the motions of living but we refuse to live life by the day. We plan all sorts of things but never consider those that could come unexpected. We regard life as if it were our own. We regard ourselves as if we're totally in control.
- JUSTIN COGNITO/BOM.04
a lot of people ended up pissing me off today.
first, i found out some of the djs were going to assist in the christian bautista concert tonight. noone told me. wow. even worse was that they were not acknowledged as production assistants, but as djs. hello! where was the request from my helm?
second, this guy was making moves on my girl. what was even worse was that this guy was separated, had a kid, and thought that inviting a girl out for dinner and lunch, and volunteering to take her home were harmless to an already relationship. dammit.
third, i'm helping out bands record a demo cd (i'm also singing in the demo), and i find the sound engineer pegging prices higher than the himalayas for it. now he's texting me his landline number, and asking me to call him.
and where does that lead us? not really my day, man.
So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over over
If you want it
War is over
Now...
HAPPY CHRISTMAS (WAR IS OVER)
john lennon
***
it's 'tales.
what the bitch is trying to say
is that you shouldn't drown yourself
with too much anger about it.
keep your cool. sleep.
you'll be able to think
better when you're sober.
ei, man. thanks for texting back. i had noone else to turn to. well, my bestfriend was nice enough to have dropped by this afternoon to calm me down (and give me a good sermon about how i acted last night), even though it was his 6th anniversary with W. i appreciate it much, dan.
thank you, friends. you keep me sane.
***
let's just hope this christmas would be a good one. for all of us. haay, i'm starting to think that the prospects for next year ain't that bright. 'hope i'm wrong. keep close, dawgs. need you now more than ever.
hail to the old sweet bad me. thanks for the line, jeraldine.
hey. i'm here. hope you are, too.
But oh, we are so foolish because we know the truth yet continue to deny it. Or we acknowledge the truth but head for the wrong directions anyway. Either we say let's eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we shall die. Or we delude ourselves that earthly attachments are eternal. We go through the motions of living but we refuse to live life by the day. We plan all sorts of things but never consider those that could come unexpected. We regard life as if it were our own. We regard ourselves as if we're totally in control.
- JUSTIN COGNITO/BOM.04
a lot of people ended up pissing me off today.
first, i found out some of the djs were going to assist in the christian bautista concert tonight. noone told me. wow. even worse was that they were not acknowledged as production assistants, but as djs. hello! where was the request from my helm?
second, this guy was making moves on my girl. what was even worse was that this guy was separated, had a kid, and thought that inviting a girl out for dinner and lunch, and volunteering to take her home were harmless to an already relationship. dammit.
third, i'm helping out bands record a demo cd (i'm also singing in the demo), and i find the sound engineer pegging prices higher than the himalayas for it. now he's texting me his landline number, and asking me to call him.
and where does that lead us? not really my day, man.
So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over over
If you want it
War is over
Now...
HAPPY CHRISTMAS (WAR IS OVER)
john lennon
***
it's 'tales.
what the bitch is trying to say
is that you shouldn't drown yourself
with too much anger about it.
keep your cool. sleep.
you'll be able to think
better when you're sober.
ei, man. thanks for texting back. i had noone else to turn to. well, my bestfriend was nice enough to have dropped by this afternoon to calm me down (and give me a good sermon about how i acted last night), even though it was his 6th anniversary with W. i appreciate it much, dan.
thank you, friends. you keep me sane.
***
let's just hope this christmas would be a good one. for all of us. haay, i'm starting to think that the prospects for next year ain't that bright. 'hope i'm wrong. keep close, dawgs. need you now more than ever.
hail to the old sweet bad me. thanks for the line, jeraldine.
hey. i'm here. hope you are, too.
Dec 7, 2004
a poet is a jeweler.
his gift is in smallness.
-McNair
this morning, on my way to work, i sat beside this guy. dammit. today turned out to be the worst ride i've ever had this semester. having just one half of the butt on the cushion i could disregard, not having enough elbow room - literally - to move as i read my book i could ignore, but man, this guy kept nagging me and yapping about how posh and how rich he was.
i was the epitome of nice today during that bus ride. after the forty-five minute talk, i managed to bear listening - and remembering - the following things: that he was from batangas city, but was born in calapan, mindoro; that he own a 1600 sq. meter lot at barangay 1, near calumpang; that he was planning to become a man-whore in dubai and saudi; that he was currently teaching speech at a montessori in san pablo; that he was married, and considered himself a battered husband (even showing me scars on his elbow and left arm); that he was a scholar from canossa college; that he was a pioneer batch of the help in dunkin donuts san pablo; that he was planning to apply at lyceum; that he has a catering business at san pablo; that he had one daughter - a hong kong citizen; that he was on his way to calapan to survey over an island he received as his piece of the family riches; that he was planning to put up doors upon doors of apartments and/or a condominium highrise right in front of the calumpang river, among other things.
he kept bedgering me the whole ride, asking me in a tone that was similar to those in action flicks where the desk officer asked the accused or the victim very indifferent-sounding questions like: ANONG PANGALAN? ILANG TAON? TIRAHAN? ARE YOU WORKING? SAAN? FOR HOW LONG?
what was even more annoying was that everytime i'd decide to answer his questions, he would butt in and start yapping even more about himself. that wasn't the worst part. he sang occassionally during the ride. and we're not talking about a regine velasquez here.
before i got off the bus, i found out - through him - that prior to him badgering me, he was interrogating the other guy near the window. getting off the bus, i motioned to ask the other guy what atrocity he experienced in the hands of the yapping psychology-major from san pablo. but i cautioned myself, and did not ask. didn't even look at his face.
See the curtains hanging in the window
in the evening on a friday night
little light shining through the window
lets me know that everything is alright
Summer Breeze well it makes me feel fine
blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Summer Breeze makes me feel fine
blow-in through my, makes me feel...right,
makin me feel makin me feel fine, makes me feel fine
blowin through the jasmine in my mind
oh, sweet days of summer
the jasmine's in bloom..a da da
july is dressed up
and playing a tune
and when I come ho-me from a hard days work
and you're waiting there, yes you're waiting there, without a care
in the world...no
and sometimes
I see the smile waiting in the kitchen
the food a cooking
and a place there for two
I see the arms reaching out to hold me
in the evening when the day is through
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze, make me feel fine
blow-in through my, makin me feel...right,
makin me feel, makin me feel fine...
make me feel right
blowin through the jasmine in my
blowin, blowin...blowin through the jasmine in my
blowin, blowin...blowin through the jasmine in my
blowin, blowin...blowin through the jasmine in my
Blowin, Blowin...blowin through the jasmine in my..
BLOW-IIIIIIIN
Blowin through the jasmin in my mind
SUMMER BREEZE
seals & crofts
i hope tomorrow's ride would be better. and imagine my frustration when i found out i haven't received that email 'tales was supposed to send me.
hey.
his gift is in smallness.
-McNair
this morning, on my way to work, i sat beside this guy. dammit. today turned out to be the worst ride i've ever had this semester. having just one half of the butt on the cushion i could disregard, not having enough elbow room - literally - to move as i read my book i could ignore, but man, this guy kept nagging me and yapping about how posh and how rich he was.
i was the epitome of nice today during that bus ride. after the forty-five minute talk, i managed to bear listening - and remembering - the following things: that he was from batangas city, but was born in calapan, mindoro; that he own a 1600 sq. meter lot at barangay 1, near calumpang; that he was planning to become a man-whore in dubai and saudi; that he was currently teaching speech at a montessori in san pablo; that he was married, and considered himself a battered husband (even showing me scars on his elbow and left arm); that he was a scholar from canossa college; that he was a pioneer batch of the help in dunkin donuts san pablo; that he was planning to apply at lyceum; that he has a catering business at san pablo; that he had one daughter - a hong kong citizen; that he was on his way to calapan to survey over an island he received as his piece of the family riches; that he was planning to put up doors upon doors of apartments and/or a condominium highrise right in front of the calumpang river, among other things.
he kept bedgering me the whole ride, asking me in a tone that was similar to those in action flicks where the desk officer asked the accused or the victim very indifferent-sounding questions like: ANONG PANGALAN? ILANG TAON? TIRAHAN? ARE YOU WORKING? SAAN? FOR HOW LONG?
what was even more annoying was that everytime i'd decide to answer his questions, he would butt in and start yapping even more about himself. that wasn't the worst part. he sang occassionally during the ride. and we're not talking about a regine velasquez here.
before i got off the bus, i found out - through him - that prior to him badgering me, he was interrogating the other guy near the window. getting off the bus, i motioned to ask the other guy what atrocity he experienced in the hands of the yapping psychology-major from san pablo. but i cautioned myself, and did not ask. didn't even look at his face.
See the curtains hanging in the window
in the evening on a friday night
little light shining through the window
lets me know that everything is alright
Summer Breeze well it makes me feel fine
blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Summer Breeze makes me feel fine
blow-in through my, makes me feel...right,
makin me feel makin me feel fine, makes me feel fine
blowin through the jasmine in my mind
oh, sweet days of summer
the jasmine's in bloom..a da da
july is dressed up
and playing a tune
and when I come ho-me from a hard days work
and you're waiting there, yes you're waiting there, without a care
in the world...no
and sometimes
I see the smile waiting in the kitchen
the food a cooking
and a place there for two
I see the arms reaching out to hold me
in the evening when the day is through
Summer breeze makes me feel fine
blowing through the jasmine in my mind
Summer breeze, make me feel fine
blow-in through my, makin me feel...right,
makin me feel, makin me feel fine...
make me feel right
blowin through the jasmine in my
blowin, blowin...blowin through the jasmine in my
blowin, blowin...blowin through the jasmine in my
blowin, blowin...blowin through the jasmine in my
Blowin, Blowin...blowin through the jasmine in my..
BLOW-IIIIIIIN
Blowin through the jasmin in my mind
SUMMER BREEZE
seals & crofts
i hope tomorrow's ride would be better. and imagine my frustration when i found out i haven't received that email 'tales was supposed to send me.
hey.
Dec 2, 2004
EA: wala na po ba akong choice?
NM: palagay ko wala.
putang-ina ninyo. magsama-sama kayo sa impyerno. magkita-kita na lang tayo dun.
galit? anger is an understatement.
given the responsibility to man the new freedom hall is one thing. but having no choice to say no is fuckin' bullshit.
una, andami kong ginagawa. putang-inang bading na yun, anong pakialam ko sa padebate nya. bakit, tinanong ba nya muna ako kung pwede ako sa araw na yon? hindi naman di ba? basta siya nagpa-iskedyul ng paggamit without considering the people who are going to be bothered by it. and even worse, he's insinuating i have no choice. ha?! ano ako sa skul, utusan?! ALILA?! ni hindi nga ako babayaran sa anim na oras na itatagal ko dun sa lunes! at ano, kapag nagkagulo, sisisihin pa ako?! putang-inang buhay 'to?!
when you look at it, it's partlymy fault. you know why? 'cause i've been so nice since day one at this school. no qualms, no questions, no complaints. bow na lang ng bow. kasalanan ko partly. dapat pala hindi ako naging mabait. sana pala natuto akong lumaban. sana pala hindi ako nagpayapak sa ibang tao.
**
pauwi, ginabutan nya ang likod ng polo ko kasi daw basa. bakeet?! ano ako, bata?! kung ngagsasawa na siyang mag-alaga sa akin, iwanan na nya ako. buong dalawang taon at anim na buwang magkakilala kami ipinangako ko sa sarili kong mamahalin ko siya't aalagaan. ganun din naman siya eh. kung hindi siya nagtataray. pagtarayan na nya ang ibang tao, huwag lang ako.
akala ko kasi magkakampi kami. hindi pala.
sa totoo lang, nagdadalawang-isip na akong magpakasal. kasi ganito siya. pilit niyang kinokontrol ang bawat galaw ko. sabi nya hindi nya ko inaander. sabi ko nga.
i actually bought a cross stitch pattern that i plannd to do during my free time. would have given it to her this christmas as my gift: a newly-wed couple kissing. pero bakit ganito? parang hindi magkakatotoo ang pangarap namin?
**
nagdadalawang-isip na rin akong dumalo sa kasal ng kuya nya. para saan pa?
para maibandera sa buong mundo kung gaano ako kadaling utusan ng pamilya nya? samantalang sila itong may ayaw sa akin.
ang kapal talaga ng pamilya nya. nakakasakit na sila.
hirap kasi sa 'kin, utu-uto.
bye.
NM: palagay ko wala.
putang-ina ninyo. magsama-sama kayo sa impyerno. magkita-kita na lang tayo dun.
galit? anger is an understatement.
given the responsibility to man the new freedom hall is one thing. but having no choice to say no is fuckin' bullshit.
una, andami kong ginagawa. putang-inang bading na yun, anong pakialam ko sa padebate nya. bakit, tinanong ba nya muna ako kung pwede ako sa araw na yon? hindi naman di ba? basta siya nagpa-iskedyul ng paggamit without considering the people who are going to be bothered by it. and even worse, he's insinuating i have no choice. ha?! ano ako sa skul, utusan?! ALILA?! ni hindi nga ako babayaran sa anim na oras na itatagal ko dun sa lunes! at ano, kapag nagkagulo, sisisihin pa ako?! putang-inang buhay 'to?!
when you look at it, it's partlymy fault. you know why? 'cause i've been so nice since day one at this school. no qualms, no questions, no complaints. bow na lang ng bow. kasalanan ko partly. dapat pala hindi ako naging mabait. sana pala natuto akong lumaban. sana pala hindi ako nagpayapak sa ibang tao.
**
pauwi, ginabutan nya ang likod ng polo ko kasi daw basa. bakeet?! ano ako, bata?! kung ngagsasawa na siyang mag-alaga sa akin, iwanan na nya ako. buong dalawang taon at anim na buwang magkakilala kami ipinangako ko sa sarili kong mamahalin ko siya't aalagaan. ganun din naman siya eh. kung hindi siya nagtataray. pagtarayan na nya ang ibang tao, huwag lang ako.
akala ko kasi magkakampi kami. hindi pala.
sa totoo lang, nagdadalawang-isip na akong magpakasal. kasi ganito siya. pilit niyang kinokontrol ang bawat galaw ko. sabi nya hindi nya ko inaander. sabi ko nga.
i actually bought a cross stitch pattern that i plannd to do during my free time. would have given it to her this christmas as my gift: a newly-wed couple kissing. pero bakit ganito? parang hindi magkakatotoo ang pangarap namin?
**
nagdadalawang-isip na rin akong dumalo sa kasal ng kuya nya. para saan pa?
para maibandera sa buong mundo kung gaano ako kadaling utusan ng pamilya nya? samantalang sila itong may ayaw sa akin.
ang kapal talaga ng pamilya nya. nakakasakit na sila.
hirap kasi sa 'kin, utu-uto.
bye.
Nov 28, 2004
ER: ano panoorin natin? because of you?
GG: ngek, eh antagal mo na kayang hinintay 'tong incredibles.
ER: okay. miss dalawang incredibles nga.
i had a blast watching the incredibles today. i know what you're thinking: yup, i just saw it today. lame, i know. but hey. cut me some slack. with all the work 'am doing right now, i'm actually glad i got out to watch a flick.
it was one of those times when i enjoy flicks with the gf. i was almost gonna roll down the floor, but she kept me from doing it. i was catching too much attention, i guess. she told me after the movie that everyone was looking at me while the movie was on. i told her, they could all sue my fat ass 'cause that's how we're suppose to watch flicks - getting really into it. aight, sorry. i guess i WAS laughing too loudly.
i just got back from a seminar series i did with 'tales last friday. not quite what i expected from this bunch but it was aight. most of the kids opened up, especially angel. he was so rawdy - always grabbing the opportunity to be seen on cam. yup, it was on cam.
night fell, and we started doing the group dynamics. we eventually got the pace right, and everything snowballed from there. there were quiet moments though. i started panicing. but 'tales said he had everything under control. i guess he did.
thanks for helping me out, man. i owe you big time. i'll remember the red car when i make my christmas list by next week LOL. i'm, serious.
i have nothing else to write. funny. i think my lack of sleep affected my brain. gotta sleep.
i'm still alive, thank Jesus. hey.
GG: ngek, eh antagal mo na kayang hinintay 'tong incredibles.
ER: okay. miss dalawang incredibles nga.
i had a blast watching the incredibles today. i know what you're thinking: yup, i just saw it today. lame, i know. but hey. cut me some slack. with all the work 'am doing right now, i'm actually glad i got out to watch a flick.
it was one of those times when i enjoy flicks with the gf. i was almost gonna roll down the floor, but she kept me from doing it. i was catching too much attention, i guess. she told me after the movie that everyone was looking at me while the movie was on. i told her, they could all sue my fat ass 'cause that's how we're suppose to watch flicks - getting really into it. aight, sorry. i guess i WAS laughing too loudly.
i just got back from a seminar series i did with 'tales last friday. not quite what i expected from this bunch but it was aight. most of the kids opened up, especially angel. he was so rawdy - always grabbing the opportunity to be seen on cam. yup, it was on cam.
night fell, and we started doing the group dynamics. we eventually got the pace right, and everything snowballed from there. there were quiet moments though. i started panicing. but 'tales said he had everything under control. i guess he did.
thanks for helping me out, man. i owe you big time. i'll remember the red car when i make my christmas list by next week LOL. i'm, serious.
i have nothing else to write. funny. i think my lack of sleep affected my brain. gotta sleep.
i'm still alive, thank Jesus. hey.
Nov 19, 2004
EA: is he there?
FT: yah, he just arrived. i specifically asked for coffee, and he bought me snickers.
EA: ain't that sweet?
FT: it was sweet of him, literally... he's closing the door. he's changing.
EA: so he's staying for the night?
FT: yup. he insisted to fetch me. he was there in fifteen minutes. i guess he was on his way while we texted. that's why i couldn't meet you.
EA: ah, okay. (sigh: he's staying over, and i'm feeling queezy about it. dammit) you sound like you're swooning.
FT: i am not swooning. when i swoon i keep silent, i blush, and do those not-so-cute puppy dog eyes.
EA: but you are cute. i should know.
i had a very disapponting day today. diet came to work drunk yesterday. the guards got a sniff at him. good thing harvey took the liberty of diverting the guards' attention so they wouldn't have nabbed the guy.
when he got to the station, he started his tantrums at the dressing room, ranting about why nio was texting the newbie dj robin. he was pissed off, according to witnesses.
as much as i wouldn't want to, i had to suspend diet after he admitted to all the accusations. i was teary-eyed while we talked over the phone - hearing him admit what he did was just too much for me. way too much.
i've already found replacements for his slots, to the hesitation of some, saying diet could have been given a chance to prove to us that he was sorry for what he did. i guess he'll have a whole month to think about what he did. when he comes back in december, he'll have to undergo a panel interview to gauge his effectiveness yet again. that and the reality that he may jeopardize the station's integrity yet again.
***
MY LIGHTER SIDE OF THE DAY. i was rolling on the floor while i read this bulletin from maddawwg early tonight. i find it funny, and yet thought-provoking as well.
Eight sure-fire ways to tell if you are gay...
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard
stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't
sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups,
aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo.
A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself
constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and
whines to be fed. And just think about how you call
a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass
over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a
cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!"
Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby
pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you
are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-
que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish
guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and
you are in training to suck El Dicko and
undeniably
a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public
bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a
deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is
his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he
pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like
a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be
had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man
will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte
with Skim" and he will never, ever know what
artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had
NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man
there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or
four different types of dessert, you might as well
be handing out free passes to your ass. A real
man doesn't have memory space in his brain
to remember all of that crap as well as all the
names of all the players in the Major league, NFL,
NBA, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can
pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier"
is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of
textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget
it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only
puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-
ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the
time he needs that hand to change the radio
station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play
with his bitch in the passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films,
mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is
acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman
who knows how to reward her man. Watching
any of the above films by yourself or with another
man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous
homosexual combustion), which is what happens
to fags when they flame out too quickly.
***
Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bunk alone with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day
Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
beer through the nose on an inside joke
And I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon
It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's black leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last
It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses
My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake
Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses
And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses
In white houses
In white houses
WHITE HOUSES
v. carlton
i haven't bound my book yet. 'might tomorrow. or the day after that.
whenever i fancy to not feel the hurt. yup, i was hurt yet again, after that call. knowing he was there beside FT, and not me - they who would chat, smirk and fall madly in love with each other even more when the night is through. i am happy for FT. really. but i'm still a bit jealous. this'll pass. i know it will. (i see someone in denial again LOL)
i'm here for you. hey.
FT: yah, he just arrived. i specifically asked for coffee, and he bought me snickers.
EA: ain't that sweet?
FT: it was sweet of him, literally... he's closing the door. he's changing.
EA: so he's staying for the night?
FT: yup. he insisted to fetch me. he was there in fifteen minutes. i guess he was on his way while we texted. that's why i couldn't meet you.
EA: ah, okay. (sigh: he's staying over, and i'm feeling queezy about it. dammit) you sound like you're swooning.
FT: i am not swooning. when i swoon i keep silent, i blush, and do those not-so-cute puppy dog eyes.
EA: but you are cute. i should know.
i had a very disapponting day today. diet came to work drunk yesterday. the guards got a sniff at him. good thing harvey took the liberty of diverting the guards' attention so they wouldn't have nabbed the guy.
when he got to the station, he started his tantrums at the dressing room, ranting about why nio was texting the newbie dj robin. he was pissed off, according to witnesses.
as much as i wouldn't want to, i had to suspend diet after he admitted to all the accusations. i was teary-eyed while we talked over the phone - hearing him admit what he did was just too much for me. way too much.
i've already found replacements for his slots, to the hesitation of some, saying diet could have been given a chance to prove to us that he was sorry for what he did. i guess he'll have a whole month to think about what he did. when he comes back in december, he'll have to undergo a panel interview to gauge his effectiveness yet again. that and the reality that he may jeopardize the station's integrity yet again.
***
MY LIGHTER SIDE OF THE DAY. i was rolling on the floor while i read this bulletin from maddawwg early tonight. i find it funny, and yet thought-provoking as well.
Eight sure-fire ways to tell if you are gay...
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard
stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't
sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups,
aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo.
A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself
constantly but never scratches itself, has a
delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and
whines to be fed. And just think about how you call
a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass
over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a
cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!"
Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby
pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you
are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-
que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish
guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and
you are in training to suck El Dicko and
undeniably
a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public
bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a
deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is
his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he
pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like
a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be
had strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man
will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte
with Skim" and he will never, ever know what
artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had
NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man
there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or
four different types of dessert, you might as well
be handing out free passes to your ass. A real
man doesn't have memory space in his brain
to remember all of that crap as well as all the
names of all the players in the Major league, NFL,
NBA, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can
pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier"
is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of
textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget
it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only
puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-
ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the
time he needs that hand to change the radio
station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play
with his bitch in the passenger seat.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films,
mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is
acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman
who knows how to reward her man. Watching
any of the above films by yourself or with another
man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous
homosexual combustion), which is what happens
to fags when they flame out too quickly.
***
Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bunk alone with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day
Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
beer through the nose on an inside joke
And I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon
It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's black leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last
It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses
My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake
Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses
And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses
In white houses
In white houses
WHITE HOUSES
v. carlton
i haven't bound my book yet. 'might tomorrow. or the day after that.
whenever i fancy to not feel the hurt. yup, i was hurt yet again, after that call. knowing he was there beside FT, and not me - they who would chat, smirk and fall madly in love with each other even more when the night is through. i am happy for FT. really. but i'm still a bit jealous. this'll pass. i know it will. (i see someone in denial again LOL)
i'm here for you. hey.
Nov 17, 2004
- you have no right
to sshh me anymore.
- that was hurtful. but i guess
it's true.
i just finished writing my tenth book on poetry entitled KAWALAN. if you like, i can lend it to you. will just have to have it bound.
was talking to 'tales the other night about a seminar-workshop on leadership and values formation that i was organizing for the new dj hopefuls this semester. it was not very pleasant for both of us - he was having a shitty day, and i was feeling the negative vibes all over mcdonald's.
i understand that he woke at the wrong side of the bed (his bed has only side to roll out from. i should know. i've slept over his place a couple of times), but i couldn't get over the feeling that it was my persistence to see him as the reason why he was having a shitty day.
i guess i'm being paranoid again. and blaming everything on me. you know me. when things go wrong, i blame it on me. i wouldn't want to admit it, but i am. messiahnic. dammit. he confirmed it din.
we did have light moments. but not that much. i am glad he's having a great time with jay. i'm actually excited he's gonna pounce, err bounce, after the three months of no-sex is up. and that jay was anticipating every passing day till christmas comes. he's in for a handful this yuletide.
but i felt he was reluctant to help us out this time, after what happened. (or maybe it's just me thinking he was) and to think i forgot about what DID happen, dismissing it a part of the closure. i guess things like that don't become parts of closure. they become parts of lines drawn.
he's becoming very busy again, and so have i. i guess me inviting him over for the seminar is too much to ask for. i'm sorry if i'm being an inconsiderate jackass again, but i'd like the new kids to experience having him as a friend as well.
it's hard thinking that things like another misunderstanding that arose from a closure could affect who and what we are as friends. i hope we have become friends after everything. 'least quasi ones.
Any moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of your yesterday.
Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you cant in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.
All your worries, leave them somewhere else,
Find a dream you can follow,
Reach for something, when there's nothing left,
And the world's feeling hollow.
Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you cant in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.
And we're you're down and feel alone,
And want to run away,
Trust yourself and don't give up,
You know you better than anyone else,
Any moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of your yesterday,
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you cant in life,
And start to try,
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.
Any moment, everything can change.
FLY
hilary duff
i'm trying to stay awake.
hey.
to sshh me anymore.
- that was hurtful. but i guess
it's true.
i just finished writing my tenth book on poetry entitled KAWALAN. if you like, i can lend it to you. will just have to have it bound.
was talking to 'tales the other night about a seminar-workshop on leadership and values formation that i was organizing for the new dj hopefuls this semester. it was not very pleasant for both of us - he was having a shitty day, and i was feeling the negative vibes all over mcdonald's.
i understand that he woke at the wrong side of the bed (his bed has only side to roll out from. i should know. i've slept over his place a couple of times), but i couldn't get over the feeling that it was my persistence to see him as the reason why he was having a shitty day.
i guess i'm being paranoid again. and blaming everything on me. you know me. when things go wrong, i blame it on me. i wouldn't want to admit it, but i am. messiahnic. dammit. he confirmed it din.
we did have light moments. but not that much. i am glad he's having a great time with jay. i'm actually excited he's gonna pounce, err bounce, after the three months of no-sex is up. and that jay was anticipating every passing day till christmas comes. he's in for a handful this yuletide.
but i felt he was reluctant to help us out this time, after what happened. (or maybe it's just me thinking he was) and to think i forgot about what DID happen, dismissing it a part of the closure. i guess things like that don't become parts of closure. they become parts of lines drawn.
he's becoming very busy again, and so have i. i guess me inviting him over for the seminar is too much to ask for. i'm sorry if i'm being an inconsiderate jackass again, but i'd like the new kids to experience having him as a friend as well.
it's hard thinking that things like another misunderstanding that arose from a closure could affect who and what we are as friends. i hope we have become friends after everything. 'least quasi ones.
Any moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of your yesterday.
Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you cant in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.
All your worries, leave them somewhere else,
Find a dream you can follow,
Reach for something, when there's nothing left,
And the world's feeling hollow.
Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control,
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you cant in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.
And we're you're down and feel alone,
And want to run away,
Trust yourself and don't give up,
You know you better than anyone else,
Any moment, everything can change,
Feel the wind on your shoulder,
For a minute, all the world can wait,
Let go of your yesterday,
Fly
Open up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine,
Forget about the reasons why you cant in life,
And start to try,
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life,
And start to try, cause it's your time,
Time to fly.
Any moment, everything can change.
FLY
hilary duff
i'm trying to stay awake.
hey.
Nov 13, 2004
the sweet is never the sweet
without the sour.
i had a very interesting day today. not.
i went to batangas city today, really early because i had a class - at 11.30am. geez. just one class. the other one was dissolved and merge with another class. dammit.
on my way to the department, a few kids approached me, and asked if i could fill in for their teacher in literature. i said i'll see what i can do. load. LOL. that and i washed a ton of clothes. grabe. andami kong nilabahan. my body's aching like hell. never had to do this much work since heheh...
but seriously, i'm off to ortigas on tuesday for a job interview. wish me luck.
U: There's always that one person
that will always have your heart
You never see it coming cause
you're blinded from the start
Know that you're that one for me,
it's clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby, you will always be my boo
A: I don't know about y'all but I
know about us and uhh it's the only way we know how to rock (repeat)
U: Do you remember girl, who was
he one who gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl who was the one
who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and people screaming your name
Girl I was there and you were my baby
Chorus:
U: It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
Now another brothers' taken over but its'
still in your eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it's alright
(it's alright girl, that's okay)
And if we haven't seen each other in a while,
but you will always be my boo
A: Now if you loved when we were younger you were mine
And when I see from time to
time I still feel like, (that's my baby)
And if I see you no matter how I try to hide (I can't hide it)
And even though there's another man who's in my life, you will always be my boo
A: Yes I remember boy, cause after we
kissed I could only think about your lips
Yes I remember boy, the moment
I knew you were the one I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame and people screaming your name
I was there and you were my baby
Chorus:
U: It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
Now another brothers' taken over but its'
still in your eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it's alright
(it's alright girl, that's okay)
And if we haven't seen each other in a while,
but you will always be my boo
Bridge
My ooh my ohh my ohh my ohh my boo (repeat)
Chorus
U: It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
Now another brothers' taken over but its'
still in your eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it's alright
(it's alright girl, that's okay)
And if we haven't seen each other in a while,
but you will always be my boo
A: I don't know about y'all but I know about us and uhh it's
the only way we know how to rock (repeat)
my boo
usher feat alicia keys
and by the way, campus christi is going great. hey 'tales, listen to us aight? and try to dropby. the kids are asking me about you, and i don't know what to say.
a friend is probably dropping by later, and staying over for the night.
it's almost christmas, and i'm almost out of a job.
hey.
without the sour.
i had a very interesting day today. not.
i went to batangas city today, really early because i had a class - at 11.30am. geez. just one class. the other one was dissolved and merge with another class. dammit.
on my way to the department, a few kids approached me, and asked if i could fill in for their teacher in literature. i said i'll see what i can do. load. LOL. that and i washed a ton of clothes. grabe. andami kong nilabahan. my body's aching like hell. never had to do this much work since heheh...
but seriously, i'm off to ortigas on tuesday for a job interview. wish me luck.
U: There's always that one person
that will always have your heart
You never see it coming cause
you're blinded from the start
Know that you're that one for me,
it's clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby, you will always be my boo
A: I don't know about y'all but I
know about us and uhh it's the only way we know how to rock (repeat)
U: Do you remember girl, who was
he one who gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl who was the one
who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and people screaming your name
Girl I was there and you were my baby
Chorus:
U: It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
Now another brothers' taken over but its'
still in your eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it's alright
(it's alright girl, that's okay)
And if we haven't seen each other in a while,
but you will always be my boo
A: Now if you loved when we were younger you were mine
And when I see from time to
time I still feel like, (that's my baby)
And if I see you no matter how I try to hide (I can't hide it)
And even though there's another man who's in my life, you will always be my boo
A: Yes I remember boy, cause after we
kissed I could only think about your lips
Yes I remember boy, the moment
I knew you were the one I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame and people screaming your name
I was there and you were my baby
Chorus:
U: It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
Now another brothers' taken over but its'
still in your eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it's alright
(it's alright girl, that's okay)
And if we haven't seen each other in a while,
but you will always be my boo
Bridge
My ooh my ohh my ohh my ohh my boo (repeat)
Chorus
U: It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
Now another brothers' taken over but its'
still in your eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it's alright
(it's alright girl, that's okay)
And if we haven't seen each other in a while,
but you will always be my boo
A: I don't know about y'all but I know about us and uhh it's
the only way we know how to rock (repeat)
my boo
usher feat alicia keys
and by the way, campus christi is going great. hey 'tales, listen to us aight? and try to dropby. the kids are asking me about you, and i don't know what to say.
a friend is probably dropping by later, and staying over for the night.
it's almost christmas, and i'm almost out of a job.
hey.
Nov 11, 2004
hey, it's been a while.
the old one has been very buzy about a lot of things.
1. i had to take an exam at a call center in libis the other week. took me six hours of waiting before i found out i passed. geez. with that kind of service, i started wondering about the company's efficiency, and decided to not come back for the final interview.
2. i turned down a job offer from ict. 'thought that was the right thing to do. i had three other job offers up for grabs, and these i favored over ict. but you know what, i expected i'd still be part of the school so i turned these down eventually. yup, i was a "no-show" to all three big companies last monday. foolish pig.
3. i did get a teaching load for this second semester. the catch though, was that they kept on dissolving my load. eventually i was left with only 21 units, a far cry from the original 27 units they gave me. i fear i might have to bear another section's vanishing tomorrow. lord knows how much i need this job.
4. i have another job offer this coming tuesday. sykes. i got a friend lending me money so that i could send myself to ortigas. may his tribe increase. geez. poverty has stricken me yet again. i'm just glad i get to blog again.
5. launched new programs this week: BANDISTA, which features batangueño artists; CAMPUS CHRISTI, which plays contemporary christian music; SMALL DAWGS WITH BIG TOYS, a men's program and GIRL TALK, SDWBT's counterpart. listen to the station. please?
i'm kinda in a rush. i'll try to blog again soon. keep in touch aight?
missed you all dearly. hey.
the old one has been very buzy about a lot of things.
1. i had to take an exam at a call center in libis the other week. took me six hours of waiting before i found out i passed. geez. with that kind of service, i started wondering about the company's efficiency, and decided to not come back for the final interview.
2. i turned down a job offer from ict. 'thought that was the right thing to do. i had three other job offers up for grabs, and these i favored over ict. but you know what, i expected i'd still be part of the school so i turned these down eventually. yup, i was a "no-show" to all three big companies last monday. foolish pig.
3. i did get a teaching load for this second semester. the catch though, was that they kept on dissolving my load. eventually i was left with only 21 units, a far cry from the original 27 units they gave me. i fear i might have to bear another section's vanishing tomorrow. lord knows how much i need this job.
4. i have another job offer this coming tuesday. sykes. i got a friend lending me money so that i could send myself to ortigas. may his tribe increase. geez. poverty has stricken me yet again. i'm just glad i get to blog again.
5. launched new programs this week: BANDISTA, which features batangueño artists; CAMPUS CHRISTI, which plays contemporary christian music; SMALL DAWGS WITH BIG TOYS, a men's program and GIRL TALK, SDWBT's counterpart. listen to the station. please?
i'm kinda in a rush. i'll try to blog again soon. keep in touch aight?
missed you all dearly. hey.
Nov 2, 2004
i'm off to manila tomorrow to find work.
me and the gf started talking about letting go today.
we're hanging by a thread. a strong one, i suppose.
wish me luck. can't wait to meet gibb before i go home. might grab coffee before swooshing off to alabang. 'need to be home early.
congratulations to sugar and diet - our new DJs.
love you. hey.
me and the gf started talking about letting go today.
we're hanging by a thread. a strong one, i suppose.
wish me luck. can't wait to meet gibb before i go home. might grab coffee before swooshing off to alabang. 'need to be home early.
congratulations to sugar and diet - our new DJs.
love you. hey.
Oct 31, 2004
i looked, but you weren't there. drawing the lines. again.
just when you think things can't get any worse, they do.
marineil decided to resign from the radio - thank God, she changed her mind.
i can't let the kids be left with some other teacher who was full of crap and stuff, bossing my kids around.
reading your blog, and realizing that you were shunning me yet again, i started to realize why you haven't been replying. i assumed you were busy with your work. i guess you were. but there was something more. and i was right. you were starting to hate me. yet again.
whatever happened between us that night was between two people who found themselves in the most awkward, yet homy position they've ever been to.
let me be honest: i didn't expect that to happen. really. i thought i could just dropby, say my piece, and leave early enough to not have spent another night in a nook that was so filled with fond memories it overwhelmed me. it overwhelmed me because i couldn't be in that nook anymore.
i guess i could have stopped right then and there. but i didn't want to be rude. i was surprised when you let me kiss you. i felt glad that for once, after everything, we were comfortable with the idea of kissing each other again.
i didn't mean to pry, storyweaver. i don't want want to point fingers either. i understand why you have to draw the lines again. but i hope we come out as friends after everything.
i don't remember anything i did that might have offended you, other than the handshake thing. it wasn't my call, i know. i rushed things. yet again.
i'm going out today. going to church i mean. it'd take some time before i GO out. but we'll see.
i'm here, man. count on it.
hey.
just when you think things can't get any worse, they do.
marineil decided to resign from the radio - thank God, she changed her mind.
i can't let the kids be left with some other teacher who was full of crap and stuff, bossing my kids around.
reading your blog, and realizing that you were shunning me yet again, i started to realize why you haven't been replying. i assumed you were busy with your work. i guess you were. but there was something more. and i was right. you were starting to hate me. yet again.
whatever happened between us that night was between two people who found themselves in the most awkward, yet homy position they've ever been to.
let me be honest: i didn't expect that to happen. really. i thought i could just dropby, say my piece, and leave early enough to not have spent another night in a nook that was so filled with fond memories it overwhelmed me. it overwhelmed me because i couldn't be in that nook anymore.
i guess i could have stopped right then and there. but i didn't want to be rude. i was surprised when you let me kiss you. i felt glad that for once, after everything, we were comfortable with the idea of kissing each other again.
i didn't mean to pry, storyweaver. i don't want want to point fingers either. i understand why you have to draw the lines again. but i hope we come out as friends after everything.
i don't remember anything i did that might have offended you, other than the handshake thing. it wasn't my call, i know. i rushed things. yet again.
i'm going out today. going to church i mean. it'd take some time before i GO out. but we'll see.
i'm here, man. count on it.
hey.
Oct 30, 2004
'have been very busy for the past few weeks. busy looking for work.
having been part of the academe for four years leaves a man jittery when he comes out of his scholastic shell, and dive into the work jungle. grabe. ansaya palang maghanap ng trabaho. and i mean that metaphorically. the competition is stiff; i nearly have no edge compared to the millions out there who do.
i have an interview on wednesday at libis; i might dropby the embassies along ayala before i go to QC. i hope things work out well for me.
i might see a few friends as well. para sabay-sabay na't iisang lakaran na. 'am particular excited about meeting gibb.
***
mwah!
don't get too mushy with me ok?
g'nyt
***
And I thought that what I felt was simple
And I thought that I don't belong
And now that I am leavin
Now I know that I did somethin wrong 'cause I missed you
Yeah yeah, I missed you
...You said that I was naive and I thought that I was strong oh
I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave"
Oh, but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you
Yeah, I missed you
...You said, "you called me 'cause you want me and one day you let me go"
You try to give away a keeper, or keep me
'Cause you know you're just so scared to lose
And you say, "Stay."
You say I only hear what I want to
Stay
by Lisa Loeb
'was talking with gibb for an hour and a half (mobile to mobile - he called. wow.) the other day. tallking about stuff. friendship. lovelives. work (talked about that a lot.), naughty stuff LOL just a lot of things. but something he said left me thinking after the call: he said i might not have been queer after all.
But you are in my head, swimming forever in my head
Tangled in my dreams, swimming forever
So, I listen to the radio (listen to the radio)
And all the songs we used to know (listen to the ...)
So I listen to the radio (listen to the radio)
Remember where we used to go
radio
the corrs
oh, by the way, i still don't know if i'm getting booted out. but better prepared than not, right? i hope i get the job this wednesday.
and not, thethoughts for the day!
can you get to the future if your past is present?
***
there are some things that people don't say because they don't sound right.
***
urgency overrules propriety.
***
silence is the absence of time in intended indifference.
***
don't let the fear of striking out hold you back.
***
perhaps all we need to know is to not know at all.
i'm still alive. for how long, who cares. as long as i have you to read who i am.
hey.
having been part of the academe for four years leaves a man jittery when he comes out of his scholastic shell, and dive into the work jungle. grabe. ansaya palang maghanap ng trabaho. and i mean that metaphorically. the competition is stiff; i nearly have no edge compared to the millions out there who do.
i have an interview on wednesday at libis; i might dropby the embassies along ayala before i go to QC. i hope things work out well for me.
i might see a few friends as well. para sabay-sabay na't iisang lakaran na. 'am particular excited about meeting gibb.
***
mwah!
don't get too mushy with me ok?
g'nyt
***
And I thought that what I felt was simple
And I thought that I don't belong
And now that I am leavin
Now I know that I did somethin wrong 'cause I missed you
Yeah yeah, I missed you
...You said that I was naive and I thought that I was strong oh
I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave"
Oh, but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you
Yeah, I missed you
...You said, "you called me 'cause you want me and one day you let me go"
You try to give away a keeper, or keep me
'Cause you know you're just so scared to lose
And you say, "Stay."
You say I only hear what I want to
Stay
by Lisa Loeb
'was talking with gibb for an hour and a half (mobile to mobile - he called. wow.) the other day. tallking about stuff. friendship. lovelives. work (talked about that a lot.), naughty stuff LOL just a lot of things. but something he said left me thinking after the call: he said i might not have been queer after all.
But you are in my head, swimming forever in my head
Tangled in my dreams, swimming forever
So, I listen to the radio (listen to the radio)
And all the songs we used to know (listen to the ...)
So I listen to the radio (listen to the radio)
Remember where we used to go
radio
the corrs
oh, by the way, i still don't know if i'm getting booted out. but better prepared than not, right? i hope i get the job this wednesday.
and not, the
can you get to the future if your past is present?
***
there are some things that people don't say because they don't sound right.
***
urgency overrules propriety.
***
silence is the absence of time in intended indifference.
***
don't let the fear of striking out hold you back.
***
perhaps all we need to know is to not know at all.
i'm still alive. for how long, who cares. as long as i have you to read who i am.
hey.
Oct 24, 2004
i am freakin out.
no kidding.
after that inicident with the evaluator and stuff, i could NOT be more freaked out that tonight. thinking of the possibility of getting booted out from work freaks me out to the next level, man. i'm shaking right now. (or probably i'm just cold from the bland pineapple juice i'm having.)
just got back from the city plaza. couldn't feel the vibe. too many people there. a
lot of youngin's frolicking, and i couldn't find myself peaceful. can i NOT be peaceful for just a freakin' moment?!
suddenly reality kicked in and i realized that hey, i might get booted out tomorrow. that i'd be losing all four years of my life spent in lyceum, just because some evaluator decided to suddenly go balistic. but hey, i'm not solely blaming her for this. it partly is my fault. i shouldn't have been very cordial with everyone. look where it got me now.
happy
cheerful
blissful
atrociously jaunty
sunny
spritely
undaunted
smiling
sometimes officious
alive
breathing
joyful
elated
not remotely sad
what's missing?
adjectives and adverbs
5.20.04
something from my earlier blogs. can i be anymore messed up? that night we talked about what we felt for each other, and how our relationship was, i was more than glad that we did. and please tell angel i'm sorry.
but something stuck to me like glue, though - how long would i keep deceiving myself of the reality that i was queer. dammit. i am such a stupid git. that i didn't have the guts to face reality, and instead made believe that i was more than what i thought i was. thank you for setting me free, 'tales. briefly, i was myself that night. thanks for releasing me. (and might i say when you sat on that garden table all loose and homy, you looked beautiful.)
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
Angel
Sarah Mclachlan
you were my angel that night, 'tales. and i'm saddened to realize that you may not text back everytime i do. that right after that closure, we have not come out as friends. that i should start letting you go as a friend. i do not like to let you go. not as a friend, man. because i would like to gain your trust again.
I don't remember what day it was
I didn't notice what time it was
All I know is that I fell in love with you
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you
Every day's a new day in love with you
With each day comes a new way of loving you
Every time I kiss your lips my mind starts to wander
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you
Oh, I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
I love you more today than yesterday
But, darling, not as much as tomorrow
Tomorrow's date means springtime's just a day away
Cupid, we don't need ya now, be on your way
I thank the Lord for love like ours that grows ever stronger
And I always will be true
I know you feel the same way, too
Oh, I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
I love you more today than yesterday
But only half as much as tomorrow
Every day's a new day
Every time I love ya
Every way's a new way
Every time I love ya
Every day's a new day
Every time I kiss ya
Every day's a new day
I Love You More Today Than Yesterday
Staircase Spiral
i'm glad we had closure, 'tales. but i'm not happy about you not considering me as a friend just yet. this means i have to work doubly hard to get you back. i owe it to you. and owe it to myself to have you as a friend again.
i'm here. hey.
no kidding.
after that inicident with the evaluator and stuff, i could NOT be more freaked out that tonight. thinking of the possibility of getting booted out from work freaks me out to the next level, man. i'm shaking right now. (or probably i'm just cold from the bland pineapple juice i'm having.)
just got back from the city plaza. couldn't feel the vibe. too many people there. a
lot of youngin's frolicking, and i couldn't find myself peaceful. can i NOT be peaceful for just a freakin' moment?!
suddenly reality kicked in and i realized that hey, i might get booted out tomorrow. that i'd be losing all four years of my life spent in lyceum, just because some evaluator decided to suddenly go balistic. but hey, i'm not solely blaming her for this. it partly is my fault. i shouldn't have been very cordial with everyone. look where it got me now.
happy
cheerful
blissful
atrociously jaunty
sunny
spritely
undaunted
smiling
sometimes officious
alive
breathing
joyful
elated
not remotely sad
what's missing?
adjectives and adverbs
5.20.04
something from my earlier blogs. can i be anymore messed up? that night we talked about what we felt for each other, and how our relationship was, i was more than glad that we did. and please tell angel i'm sorry.
but something stuck to me like glue, though - how long would i keep deceiving myself of the reality that i was queer. dammit. i am such a stupid git. that i didn't have the guts to face reality, and instead made believe that i was more than what i thought i was. thank you for setting me free, 'tales. briefly, i was myself that night. thanks for releasing me. (and might i say when you sat on that garden table all loose and homy, you looked beautiful.)
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
Angel
Sarah Mclachlan
you were my angel that night, 'tales. and i'm saddened to realize that you may not text back everytime i do. that right after that closure, we have not come out as friends. that i should start letting you go as a friend. i do not like to let you go. not as a friend, man. because i would like to gain your trust again.
I don't remember what day it was
I didn't notice what time it was
All I know is that I fell in love with you
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you
Every day's a new day in love with you
With each day comes a new way of loving you
Every time I kiss your lips my mind starts to wander
And if all my dreams come true
I'll be spending time with you
Oh, I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
I love you more today than yesterday
But, darling, not as much as tomorrow
Tomorrow's date means springtime's just a day away
Cupid, we don't need ya now, be on your way
I thank the Lord for love like ours that grows ever stronger
And I always will be true
I know you feel the same way, too
Oh, I love you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
I love you more today than yesterday
But only half as much as tomorrow
Every day's a new day
Every time I love ya
Every way's a new way
Every time I love ya
Every day's a new day
Every time I kiss ya
Every day's a new day
I Love You More Today Than Yesterday
Staircase Spiral
i'm glad we had closure, 'tales. but i'm not happy about you not considering me as a friend just yet. this means i have to work doubly hard to get you back. i owe it to you. and owe it to myself to have you as a friend again.
i'm here. hey.
Oct 22, 2004
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know
closure. the long awaited coming of dots and crosses on t's and i's. i was hesitant to continue on last night. i was going to back out actually while i walked towards your place. but i continued walking. because i needed this. i knew we still had hang-ups on each other. we were just too afraid to accept them. not until we finally decided to move on. really move on. and start on the gritty work of patching things up between us. and finally accepting the fact that we have settled top becoming friends, however distant it may become for us.
i know that at one point we would go beyond being just shrinks. that i might eventually try my luck on applying as a quasi-friend to you for the time being. and i would be fine with that. quasi as it may become, soon i hope, we would still be friends.
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love,
'Cause if summer is here,
I'm still waiting there;
Winter is here,
And I'm still waiting there.
i got there at your place. i stood by the gate, anxious of what to do next. honestly, i was practicing what i'd say. i didn't want to say anything offensive to you. it wasn't called for. not now that we both wanted closure. closure for the past that was starting to become vague for us.
you let me in. we started talking. but lola woke up, and we had to take the talk outside. you had dinner. and you lent me a jacket. more talk. and i loved it. it's been a long time since i got to talk to you like that. then you dropped the bombs at me, one by one. boy, was i devastated. slightly. they were called for, i knew that night. thank you for opening my eyes.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
you made me realize that i never did size up to what i should have sized up for you. i promised you so much; i gave you so little. my apologies. but i would like to make it up to you somehow. when you start permitting me to.
For what it’s worth I think there’s
nobody like you
You’ve got grace got a heart beating and despite
you’re fun
As I grew up I was terrified of darkness
Now you’re around I’ve no reason
to be frightened
‘Cause even if the sun came tumbling down
You light the ground I walk on
Even if the moon fell out of the sky
You light the ground I walk on
you made me feel right at home. again. when we touched, i felt connected to you again, and yet there was that thing we wanted so much to gain from everything that happened early that night. every kiss, every touch. i felt each one lunge me in the heart, and help me realize that yes, i would like to get you back as a friend.
And with all that's said and done
You've always been the one
To hold me on those rainy days
When I couldn't see the sun
And when all the clouds disappear
And my skies are clear
thanks for the great night. hope you had a great night too.
i'm back. hey.
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know
closure. the long awaited coming of dots and crosses on t's and i's. i was hesitant to continue on last night. i was going to back out actually while i walked towards your place. but i continued walking. because i needed this. i knew we still had hang-ups on each other. we were just too afraid to accept them. not until we finally decided to move on. really move on. and start on the gritty work of patching things up between us. and finally accepting the fact that we have settled top becoming friends, however distant it may become for us.
i know that at one point we would go beyond being just shrinks. that i might eventually try my luck on applying as a quasi-friend to you for the time being. and i would be fine with that. quasi as it may become, soon i hope, we would still be friends.
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love;
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love,
'Cause if summer is here,
I'm still waiting there;
Winter is here,
And I'm still waiting there.
i got there at your place. i stood by the gate, anxious of what to do next. honestly, i was practicing what i'd say. i didn't want to say anything offensive to you. it wasn't called for. not now that we both wanted closure. closure for the past that was starting to become vague for us.
you let me in. we started talking. but lola woke up, and we had to take the talk outside. you had dinner. and you lent me a jacket. more talk. and i loved it. it's been a long time since i got to talk to you like that. then you dropped the bombs at me, one by one. boy, was i devastated. slightly. they were called for, i knew that night. thank you for opening my eyes.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
you made me realize that i never did size up to what i should have sized up for you. i promised you so much; i gave you so little. my apologies. but i would like to make it up to you somehow. when you start permitting me to.
For what it’s worth I think there’s
nobody like you
You’ve got grace got a heart beating and despite
you’re fun
As I grew up I was terrified of darkness
Now you’re around I’ve no reason
to be frightened
‘Cause even if the sun came tumbling down
You light the ground I walk on
Even if the moon fell out of the sky
You light the ground I walk on
you made me feel right at home. again. when we touched, i felt connected to you again, and yet there was that thing we wanted so much to gain from everything that happened early that night. every kiss, every touch. i felt each one lunge me in the heart, and help me realize that yes, i would like to get you back as a friend.
And with all that's said and done
You've always been the one
To hold me on those rainy days
When I couldn't see the sun
And when all the clouds disappear
And my skies are clear
thanks for the great night. hope you had a great night too.
i'm back. hey.
Oct 21, 2004
i am sorta officially gonna get booted out of work by monday morning. definitely not a day i am looking forward to. although there has been no formal talks yet with the bosses, since i am getting my clearance signed (hopefully) on monday, i might just get some ass-whoopin' too.
***
this morning while i aired, i felt like i was performing my last boardwork. well, i felt i was good. great even. though i stuttered a bit, i guess i did fine. but it felt like it was my last airing kahit na may airing pa din ako bukas at 1pm. people were greeting me all over, calling me MR PEÑA, in a tone that almost meant like it was the last time they were going to see me on campus. either that or i'm uberparanoid.
to be honest, i will feel sad if i leave the school, the radio this coming semester. i've been with the school for four of my best years as a teacher. been with the radio for three years. and i AM going to miss going to work at 4am to do ads, and expecting the house ghosts to be there to welcome me. i'll miss the kids, so say the least. haven't told anybody except darryl. she says i should blurt it out only when the ultimatum is given. monday pa daw kasi. kung kelan naman ako madaming plano para sa radio - i got new programs coming up. i got a concert set february 12. i got a new set of trainee djs. geez.
***
speaking of new programs, here are the new programs i got in mind: SMALL DAWGS WITH BIG TOYS, a men's show talking about guy issues; GIRL TALK, the feminine counterpart of SDWBT; CAMPUS CHRISTI, a bi-weekly program on contemporary Christian music; BANDISTA, a show that features batangueño singers and bands; and CAMPUS ALMUSAL, the earliest campus-based morning show.
i hope everything turns out okay.
i'm trying to stay alive.
hey.
***
this morning while i aired, i felt like i was performing my last boardwork. well, i felt i was good. great even. though i stuttered a bit, i guess i did fine. but it felt like it was my last airing kahit na may airing pa din ako bukas at 1pm. people were greeting me all over, calling me MR PEÑA, in a tone that almost meant like it was the last time they were going to see me on campus. either that or i'm uberparanoid.
to be honest, i will feel sad if i leave the school, the radio this coming semester. i've been with the school for four of my best years as a teacher. been with the radio for three years. and i AM going to miss going to work at 4am to do ads, and expecting the house ghosts to be there to welcome me. i'll miss the kids, so say the least. haven't told anybody except darryl. she says i should blurt it out only when the ultimatum is given. monday pa daw kasi. kung kelan naman ako madaming plano para sa radio - i got new programs coming up. i got a concert set february 12. i got a new set of trainee djs. geez.
***
speaking of new programs, here are the new programs i got in mind: SMALL DAWGS WITH BIG TOYS, a men's show talking about guy issues; GIRL TALK, the feminine counterpart of SDWBT; CAMPUS CHRISTI, a bi-weekly program on contemporary Christian music; BANDISTA, a show that features batangueño singers and bands; and CAMPUS ALMUSAL, the earliest campus-based morning show.
i hope everything turns out okay.
i'm trying to stay alive.
hey.
Oct 17, 2004
had a very interesting day with the gf. went to hear mass. went to the mall afterwards. ate a lot. i took home a few donuts and some other things we ate while in the trike.
***
I stand before you accused of many crimes
But I want to believe that love can still survive
You don't have to say it, I don't have to read your mind
To know that emptiness has finally arrived
How was I to know right from wrong
Words were hardly spoken, so where did I go wrong
Tell me honestly, if you're still loving me
Looking into my eyes honestly
Words have more meaning, if they're said at certain times
I need you now so I can feel alive
How would you know if you won't give me some time
To see if everything could work you'll be mine
I'll be lost forever or someday I may find
The words that I've been searching for or just some peace of
mind
All the nights I sit and wonder there must be more life
I'm sure that days and years go by while
I am living with, living with a lonely feeling
***
a lot of things are bothering me now. things that shouldn't have been bothering me for quite sometime, but they still do. i know i should have moved on. but the tales still linger. i don't know why. have i not moved on, as you have?
was wondering if you could go out for coffee tonight?
the usual hassle here. dammit.
- bad time. sorry, but i have to meet someone for dinner tonight. we've set it up a week.
i wanted to go out. really badly. and i did. i lounged at the ben for a couple of hours - sitting at the bench for a few hours, and puffing a few phillips to pass time. i so wanted to talk to someone. but i guess i didn't have any right to impose. not now.
***
[Nelly]
I used to pride myself on being the other man
But now it's flipped and I don't want you with no other man
Why can't you understand anything I'm offering
I gave you the world, but you just wanted arguing
From the time I picked you up, until the time I dropped you off again
Even if flipped out on at the mall again
"It's all his fault again" that's what you tellin all ya friends
I ain't pointing fingers ma, i just wanna call again
See how ya day going I know they stressin on ya
I know them times get hard that's why I'm checkin on ya
It's yours truly ma, I got little message for ya
Anything he can do, girl I can do better for ya
Cause
Hook: [Nelly]
When we laugh or we cry it's together
Through the rain and the stormiest weather
We gon still be as one it's forever, it's forever
Chorus: [Jaheim]
Won't you come on and go with me (oh girl)
Come on over to my place
Won't you sit ya self down and take a seat
and let me ease ya mind girl
We gon do it our way (our way)
[Nelly]
I heard your friend tell a friend that told a friend of mine
That you was thinking that we should do it one more time
If this ain't the truth then hopefully it's not a lie
Cause I ain't got no issue with hitting that another time
We never had a problem with gettin it done
Disagreed upon a lot ma, but sex wouldn't one
Now check it I know you get excited when I come around and bite it
Quit frownin up and quit actin like you don't like it
I like it (I know you like), I like it (You really like it), I really, really like it,
I want it (You really want it), adore it (adore it), so come with me enjoy it
Hook: [Nelly]
When we laugh or we cry it's together
Through the rain and the stormiest weather
We gon still be as one it's forever, it's forever
Chorus: [Jaheim]
Won't you come on and go with me (oh girl)
Come on over to my place
Won't you sit ya self down and take a seat
and let me ease ya mind girl
We gon do it our way (our way)
Bridge: [Nelly]
Shawty where you been
Feels like a long time, long long time since I seen ya
Yes it has girl, and I know I said some dumb things to you before
But girl you know I didn't mean it
I didn't mean one single word
I never meant one single word
If I could take back every word I would and more fa sho
If I thought that you believe it
Cause you make my life so convinient for me
Hook: [Nelly]
When we laugh or we cry it's together
Through the rain and the stormiest weather
We gon still be as one it's forever, it's forever
Chorus: [Jaheim]
Won't you come on and go with me (oh girl)
Come on over to my place
Won't you sit ya self down and take a seat
and let me ease ya mind girl
We gon do it our way (our way)
my place
nelly feat. jaheim
***
i felt like i was rhandy last night. remember that? you were running away from him. i texted. you went out with me. and not him. i felt like now, I am rhandy. that you were running away from me. or maybe i'm just being uberparanoid, and reactive about it. sorry. damn me.
i'm still here.
hey.
***
I stand before you accused of many crimes
But I want to believe that love can still survive
You don't have to say it, I don't have to read your mind
To know that emptiness has finally arrived
How was I to know right from wrong
Words were hardly spoken, so where did I go wrong
Tell me honestly, if you're still loving me
Looking into my eyes honestly
Words have more meaning, if they're said at certain times
I need you now so I can feel alive
How would you know if you won't give me some time
To see if everything could work you'll be mine
I'll be lost forever or someday I may find
The words that I've been searching for or just some peace of
mind
All the nights I sit and wonder there must be more life
I'm sure that days and years go by while
I am living with, living with a lonely feeling
***
a lot of things are bothering me now. things that shouldn't have been bothering me for quite sometime, but they still do. i know i should have moved on. but the tales still linger. i don't know why. have i not moved on, as you have?
was wondering if you could go out for coffee tonight?
the usual hassle here. dammit.
- bad time. sorry, but i have to meet someone for dinner tonight. we've set it up a week.
i wanted to go out. really badly. and i did. i lounged at the ben for a couple of hours - sitting at the bench for a few hours, and puffing a few phillips to pass time. i so wanted to talk to someone. but i guess i didn't have any right to impose. not now.
***
[Nelly]
I used to pride myself on being the other man
But now it's flipped and I don't want you with no other man
Why can't you understand anything I'm offering
I gave you the world, but you just wanted arguing
From the time I picked you up, until the time I dropped you off again
Even if flipped out on at the mall again
"It's all his fault again" that's what you tellin all ya friends
I ain't pointing fingers ma, i just wanna call again
See how ya day going I know they stressin on ya
I know them times get hard that's why I'm checkin on ya
It's yours truly ma, I got little message for ya
Anything he can do, girl I can do better for ya
Cause
Hook: [Nelly]
When we laugh or we cry it's together
Through the rain and the stormiest weather
We gon still be as one it's forever, it's forever
Chorus: [Jaheim]
Won't you come on and go with me (oh girl)
Come on over to my place
Won't you sit ya self down and take a seat
and let me ease ya mind girl
We gon do it our way (our way)
[Nelly]
I heard your friend tell a friend that told a friend of mine
That you was thinking that we should do it one more time
If this ain't the truth then hopefully it's not a lie
Cause I ain't got no issue with hitting that another time
We never had a problem with gettin it done
Disagreed upon a lot ma, but sex wouldn't one
Now check it I know you get excited when I come around and bite it
Quit frownin up and quit actin like you don't like it
I like it (I know you like), I like it (You really like it), I really, really like it,
I want it (You really want it), adore it (adore it), so come with me enjoy it
Hook: [Nelly]
When we laugh or we cry it's together
Through the rain and the stormiest weather
We gon still be as one it's forever, it's forever
Chorus: [Jaheim]
Won't you come on and go with me (oh girl)
Come on over to my place
Won't you sit ya self down and take a seat
and let me ease ya mind girl
We gon do it our way (our way)
Bridge: [Nelly]
Shawty where you been
Feels like a long time, long long time since I seen ya
Yes it has girl, and I know I said some dumb things to you before
But girl you know I didn't mean it
I didn't mean one single word
I never meant one single word
If I could take back every word I would and more fa sho
If I thought that you believe it
Cause you make my life so convinient for me
Hook: [Nelly]
When we laugh or we cry it's together
Through the rain and the stormiest weather
We gon still be as one it's forever, it's forever
Chorus: [Jaheim]
Won't you come on and go with me (oh girl)
Come on over to my place
Won't you sit ya self down and take a seat
and let me ease ya mind girl
We gon do it our way (our way)
my place
nelly feat. jaheim
***
i felt like i was rhandy last night. remember that? you were running away from him. i texted. you went out with me. and not him. i felt like now, I am rhandy. that you were running away from me. or maybe i'm just being uberparanoid, and reactive about it. sorry. damn me.
i'm still here.
hey.
Oct 16, 2004
i was kinda intrigued with kelly clarkson's newest single, BREAKAWAY.
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of a could-be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)
Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway
[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway
[Chorus]
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around wild indoors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway
HOW MANY TIMES DO WE BREAKAWAY FROM OUR LIFE AS MERE MORTALS AND EVOLVE INTO MORE THAN JUST SHRINKS, BITCHES, FRIENDS, LOVERS AND FOES? TOO MANY TIMES, I GUESS. IF THINGS WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE AS THEY ARE, WHY DO WE STILL SUFFER THE ATROCITY? BUSY STREETS HIDE NOT WHAT I FEEL. LONELINESS. DISTRAUGHT. ANGST. LOVE. LOSS.
***
i might not be at the school i teach at by this coming semester. a lot of people are making ways to make sure of that. that or i might just be uberparanoid.
an evaluator unwittingly told students that i was her cousin - while the students were evaluating me! the evaluator got "pissed off" with the students' side comments about me. she told me that's what pushed her to proclaim i was a relative. (i don't even know her first name.) that's strike number one.
number two, my department chairman, i found out, was not logging all the exams and exercises, syllabi and diskettes i submitted to her. the dean was questioning why i had no record of any of these in his book. i told him i already submitted all that they asked of me. he approached one SA and bluntly asked that the records be updated. wow. shouldn't my DC have done that the minute i submitted all my academic requirements. a non-submission of requirements is a display of inefficiency. this i cannot accept.
strike three would have to be the feeling i got this morning while i sat on the DJ's chair, and spun songs (highlighted by Clarkson's BREAKAWAY). it was like a capping off of things. like i felt that everything would be ending soon. geez. i love my work. sometimes more than my gf. (that's why we fight sometimes; she couldn't understand why i have to dedicate so much of my time for the station. i mean, find anyone else at my school who's willing to come at four in the morning to produce ads that the school asks me to do.) but instead of hating the feeling, i felt relieved, almost calm about it. i had a blast this morning.
i might just have to look for another job this second semester, but my hopes are still up high. i'm testing the waters now. i hope things go smoothly for me and my plans.
ei you. email me. thanks!
i'm still here.
oink oink
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of a could-be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)
Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway
[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway
[Chorus]
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around wild indoors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway
HOW MANY TIMES DO WE BREAKAWAY FROM OUR LIFE AS MERE MORTALS AND EVOLVE INTO MORE THAN JUST SHRINKS, BITCHES, FRIENDS, LOVERS AND FOES? TOO MANY TIMES, I GUESS. IF THINGS WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE AS THEY ARE, WHY DO WE STILL SUFFER THE ATROCITY? BUSY STREETS HIDE NOT WHAT I FEEL. LONELINESS. DISTRAUGHT. ANGST. LOVE. LOSS.
***
i might not be at the school i teach at by this coming semester. a lot of people are making ways to make sure of that. that or i might just be uberparanoid.
an evaluator unwittingly told students that i was her cousin - while the students were evaluating me! the evaluator got "pissed off" with the students' side comments about me. she told me that's what pushed her to proclaim i was a relative. (i don't even know her first name.) that's strike number one.
number two, my department chairman, i found out, was not logging all the exams and exercises, syllabi and diskettes i submitted to her. the dean was questioning why i had no record of any of these in his book. i told him i already submitted all that they asked of me. he approached one SA and bluntly asked that the records be updated. wow. shouldn't my DC have done that the minute i submitted all my academic requirements. a non-submission of requirements is a display of inefficiency. this i cannot accept.
strike three would have to be the feeling i got this morning while i sat on the DJ's chair, and spun songs (highlighted by Clarkson's BREAKAWAY). it was like a capping off of things. like i felt that everything would be ending soon. geez. i love my work. sometimes more than my gf. (that's why we fight sometimes; she couldn't understand why i have to dedicate so much of my time for the station. i mean, find anyone else at my school who's willing to come at four in the morning to produce ads that the school asks me to do.) but instead of hating the feeling, i felt relieved, almost calm about it. i had a blast this morning.
i might just have to look for another job this second semester, but my hopes are still up high. i'm testing the waters now. i hope things go smoothly for me and my plans.
ei you. email me. thanks!
i'm still here.
oink oink
Oct 14, 2004
took me a while, but i guess i did. but i'd be a hypocrite if i said i don't get the goosebumps (the good kind) when i see you. when i talk to you. you excite me. too much, i end up frantic.
I hear you're taking the town again
Having a good time with all your time friends
I don't think that you think of me
You're on your own now
And I'm alone and free
I know that I should get on with my life
But a life lived without you could never be right
As long as the stars shine down
From the heavens
Long as the rivers run to the sea
I'll never get over you getting over me
I try to smile so the hurt won't show
Tell everybody I was glad to see you go
But the tears just won't go away
Loneliness found me, looks like it's here to stay
I know that I ought to find someone new
But all I find is myself always thinking of you
As long as the stars shine down
From the heavens
Long as the rivers run to the sea
I'll never get over you getting over me
No matter what I do
Each night's a lifetime to live through
I can't go on like this
I need your touch
You're the only one I've ever love
And as long as the stars shine down
From the heavens
Long as the rivers run to the sea
I'll never get over you getting over me
I'll never get over you getting over
Never get over you getting over
Never get over you getting over me
I'll never get over you getting over me
bellefire/expose
'hope you don't mind.
I hear you're taking the town again
Having a good time with all your time friends
I don't think that you think of me
You're on your own now
And I'm alone and free
I know that I should get on with my life
But a life lived without you could never be right
As long as the stars shine down
From the heavens
Long as the rivers run to the sea
I'll never get over you getting over me
I try to smile so the hurt won't show
Tell everybody I was glad to see you go
But the tears just won't go away
Loneliness found me, looks like it's here to stay
I know that I ought to find someone new
But all I find is myself always thinking of you
As long as the stars shine down
From the heavens
Long as the rivers run to the sea
I'll never get over you getting over me
No matter what I do
Each night's a lifetime to live through
I can't go on like this
I need your touch
You're the only one I've ever love
And as long as the stars shine down
From the heavens
Long as the rivers run to the sea
I'll never get over you getting over me
I'll never get over you getting over
Never get over you getting over
Never get over you getting over me
I'll never get over you getting over me
bellefire/expose
'hope you don't mind.
Oct 10, 2004
my themesong last summer. how i miss missing that fateful summer.
I feel it's changing, I stay the same
I'm... a solo cello outside a chor-us
I've got a secret,
It's time for me to tell that you've been keeping me warm
Just sweet beginnings and bitter en-dings
In coffee city, we borrowed hea-ven
Don't give it back, I've never felt so wanted
Are you taking me home?
You tell me you have to go...
[chorus]
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know
Now that you've left me, there's no retur-ning
I keep comparing, you're always win-ning
I try to be strong but you'll never be more wanted
Will you make me at home?
Don't tell me you have to go...
[chorus]
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know
Ya da... ya da... ya da
To sweet beginnings and bitter en-dings
In coffee city, we borrowed hea-ven
Don't give it back
Winter is coming and I need to stay warm
The heat.....
[chorus]
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody knows
[chorus]
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know
summer sunshine
corrs
i wonder how next summer would be like?
I feel it's changing, I stay the same
I'm... a solo cello outside a chor-us
I've got a secret,
It's time for me to tell that you've been keeping me warm
Just sweet beginnings and bitter en-dings
In coffee city, we borrowed hea-ven
Don't give it back, I've never felt so wanted
Are you taking me home?
You tell me you have to go...
[chorus]
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know
Now that you've left me, there's no retur-ning
I keep comparing, you're always win-ning
I try to be strong but you'll never be more wanted
Will you make me at home?
Don't tell me you have to go...
[chorus]
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know
Ya da... ya da... ya da
To sweet beginnings and bitter en-dings
In coffee city, we borrowed hea-ven
Don't give it back
Winter is coming and I need to stay warm
The heat.....
[chorus]
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody knows
[chorus]
In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know
summer sunshine
corrs
i wonder how next summer would be like?
From the very first time I rest my eyes on you,boy
My heart said follow through but I know now
That I'm way down on your line
But the waiting feeling's fine
So don't treat me like a puppet on a string
Because I know how to do my thing
Don't talk to me as if you think I'm dumb
I wanna know when you're gotta come,you see
*I don't wanna wait in a vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in a vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in a vain for your love
'Cause sommer is here
And I'm still waiting there
Winter is here
I'm still waiting there
Like I said
It's been three years since I'm knocking on your door
And still I can knock some more
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,I wanna know now
For I to knock some more,you see
In life I know
That there is lots of grief
But your love is my relief
Tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While I'm waitin'
While I'm waitin' for my turn,you see
(*Repeat)
Like I said-
I don't wanna,I don't wanna
I don't wanna,I don't wanna
I don't wanna wait in vain
I don't wanna,I don't wanna
I don't wanna,I don't wanna
I don't wanna wait in vain
It's been three years since I'm knocking on your door
And still I can knock some more
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,I wanna know now
Like I said,the tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While I'm waiting
While I'm waiting for my turn,you see
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,I wanna know now
For I to knock some more
In life I know there is lots of grief
But your love is my relief
waiting in vain
marley
My heart said follow through but I know now
That I'm way down on your line
But the waiting feeling's fine
So don't treat me like a puppet on a string
Because I know how to do my thing
Don't talk to me as if you think I'm dumb
I wanna know when you're gotta come,you see
*I don't wanna wait in a vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in a vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in a vain for your love
'Cause sommer is here
And I'm still waiting there
Winter is here
I'm still waiting there
Like I said
It's been three years since I'm knocking on your door
And still I can knock some more
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,I wanna know now
For I to knock some more,you see
In life I know
That there is lots of grief
But your love is my relief
Tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While I'm waitin'
While I'm waitin' for my turn,you see
(*Repeat)
Like I said-
I don't wanna,I don't wanna
I don't wanna,I don't wanna
I don't wanna wait in vain
I don't wanna,I don't wanna
I don't wanna,I don't wanna
I don't wanna wait in vain
It's been three years since I'm knocking on your door
And still I can knock some more
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,I wanna know now
Like I said,the tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While I'm waiting
While I'm waiting for my turn,you see
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look,I wanna know now
For I to knock some more
In life I know there is lots of grief
But your love is my relief
waiting in vain
marley
honesty is such a lonely word
everyone is so untrue.
honesty is hardly ever heard
and mostly what i need from you.
on the way to my girlfriend's house i started singing HONESTLY by harem scarem. i didn't know why i started singing it, but i just did. my gf was giving me the face, 'cause i was singing so loudly in the trike, but i didn't care.
honesty. probably the last value that i'd ever learn to achieve, but ever so desperate to have. have i been honest? well, not to most people. sometimes not even to myself. there are only a few people i'm actually honest with. you could count them with my fingers.
ansaya ng buhay ko. really.
i'm laying down the cards today. though not totally honest, at least i'm trying:
1. i hate my dad. nothing new about that. it's my dad's birthday today, and what did we do today? we fought. in front of my gf. pinahiya pa niya ako. dammit.
2. i have an insatiable love for pornography. this is the reason, among others, why me and the terrestrial visionary split up.
3. i don't like being humiliated.
4. i don't like being left out in the rain. i'm sick and tired of that.
5. i don't like people who think i'm puddy in their hands. they get into my nerves. sorry celest. i don't like your guts.
6. i am sincere with how i deal with people. those who think that i'm not, hope the Lord give you longer lives.
7. i'm more than the person you think i am. sorry if i don't disclose that much.
whatever life has become for me, though i may not be happy about a lot of things, i'm just glad there are people out there who still like me. however small that number of people is.
hey. i'm still here.
everyone is so untrue.
honesty is hardly ever heard
and mostly what i need from you.
on the way to my girlfriend's house i started singing HONESTLY by harem scarem. i didn't know why i started singing it, but i just did. my gf was giving me the face, 'cause i was singing so loudly in the trike, but i didn't care.
honesty. probably the last value that i'd ever learn to achieve, but ever so desperate to have. have i been honest? well, not to most people. sometimes not even to myself. there are only a few people i'm actually honest with. you could count them with my fingers.
ansaya ng buhay ko. really.
i'm laying down the cards today. though not totally honest, at least i'm trying:
1. i hate my dad. nothing new about that. it's my dad's birthday today, and what did we do today? we fought. in front of my gf. pinahiya pa niya ako. dammit.
2. i have an insatiable love for pornography. this is the reason, among others, why me and the terrestrial visionary split up.
3. i don't like being humiliated.
4. i don't like being left out in the rain. i'm sick and tired of that.
5. i don't like people who think i'm puddy in their hands. they get into my nerves. sorry celest. i don't like your guts.
6. i am sincere with how i deal with people. those who think that i'm not, hope the Lord give you longer lives.
7. i'm more than the person you think i am. sorry if i don't disclose that much.
whatever life has become for me, though i may not be happy about a lot of things, i'm just glad there are people out there who still like me. however small that number of people is.
hey. i'm still here.
Oct 9, 2004
i miss missing you.
in all honesty.
i miss those nights i cried
because i couldn't hold you in my arms;
those days that i daydreamed about you.
dammit.
i miss missing you.
***
yeah, i'll get better.
barfiness probably came with the day.
hahaha
oh, by the way
happy birthday.
***
once i missed you.
ev'ry moment and fleeting sigh;
when suns die and lovers fail,
dammit, i used to miss you.
i hope you did me, too.
***
even more fearless is the reality that the once terrestrial visionary was my dearest. we shared coffee, tea, bread, hotdogs and roasted chicken with home-made gravy. we'd talk all night. have coffee breaks; then talk again. that whole, precious month.
i miss missing you.
***
regardless of what happened between us, i'm glad that we've evolved into more than just the bitches, the friends, the shrinks, the foes, the lovers, the untouchables that we became.
i may miss missing you sometimes, but hey. we've all moved on. i just hope you're happy with where you are, and who you're with now.
***
i miss missing you.
in all honesty.
in all honesty.
i miss those nights i cried
because i couldn't hold you in my arms;
those days that i daydreamed about you.
dammit.
i miss missing you.
***
yeah, i'll get better.
barfiness probably came with the day.
hahaha
oh, by the way
happy birthday.
***
once i missed you.
ev'ry moment and fleeting sigh;
when suns die and lovers fail,
dammit, i used to miss you.
i hope you did me, too.
***
even more fearless is the reality that the once terrestrial visionary was my dearest. we shared coffee, tea, bread, hotdogs and roasted chicken with home-made gravy. we'd talk all night. have coffee breaks; then talk again. that whole, precious month.
i miss missing you.
***
regardless of what happened between us, i'm glad that we've evolved into more than just the bitches, the friends, the shrinks, the foes, the lovers, the untouchables that we became.
i may miss missing you sometimes, but hey. we've all moved on. i just hope you're happy with where you are, and who you're with now.
***
i miss missing you.
in all honesty.
Oct 8, 2004
hey.
i was at TIP yesterday afternoon. walking six flights of stairs per building, was a bit taxing, man. but the TIP experience was interesting though. no tiles on the upper floors, but really clean surroundings. plus the whole school was routed into one network. teachers could access all their files frm anywhere in the building. and they could download their lessons from the main server at any point in the school.
i also met the 26 year old associate vice president of TIP. he was newly married. a graduate of MIS from ateneo. he was planning to take an MBA at Harvard.
cool.
***
i also got lost in the quiapo area. i was going to morato, running an errand for my mom when i figured that i didn't know what jeepney to take. LOL i was lost, and was starting to panic when the sun set faster than i thought it would (winter solstice nearing, duh). anyway, i eventually found the jeepney i was supposed to take, got off at morato and did the errand. i also got a chance to eat at this chinese fast food house - was a bit expensive (i mean chicken for 120?) - so i just ate lomi.
but noone told me it was seafood lomi. geez, my allergies started acting up. nanghinayang kasi ako sa lomi. andami kasi heheh... you know me, i don't waste food.
but it was all good. i caught a ride going to kamuning, and got on the bus. tought luck, though. the bus didn't decide to move for the next two and a half hours. i got home at around 2am.
***
i only got two hours of sleep today. geez, am i tired. i hope foxtales can read this. some help on the blog, man. i got my ideas organized na.
hey.
i was at TIP yesterday afternoon. walking six flights of stairs per building, was a bit taxing, man. but the TIP experience was interesting though. no tiles on the upper floors, but really clean surroundings. plus the whole school was routed into one network. teachers could access all their files frm anywhere in the building. and they could download their lessons from the main server at any point in the school.
i also met the 26 year old associate vice president of TIP. he was newly married. a graduate of MIS from ateneo. he was planning to take an MBA at Harvard.
cool.
***
i also got lost in the quiapo area. i was going to morato, running an errand for my mom when i figured that i didn't know what jeepney to take. LOL i was lost, and was starting to panic when the sun set faster than i thought it would (winter solstice nearing, duh). anyway, i eventually found the jeepney i was supposed to take, got off at morato and did the errand. i also got a chance to eat at this chinese fast food house - was a bit expensive (i mean chicken for 120?) - so i just ate lomi.
but noone told me it was seafood lomi. geez, my allergies started acting up. nanghinayang kasi ako sa lomi. andami kasi heheh... you know me, i don't waste food.
but it was all good. i caught a ride going to kamuning, and got on the bus. tought luck, though. the bus didn't decide to move for the next two and a half hours. i got home at around 2am.
***
i only got two hours of sleep today. geez, am i tired. i hope foxtales can read this. some help on the blog, man. i got my ideas organized na.
hey.
Oct 1, 2004
it's been a while since i posted anything. wow. a week i guess. i had a really toxic one.
SATURDAY (technically not the start of my week - so sue me)
i had a humble birthday bash at my place. just a few people, oh say around 50 whom i knew personally, loved and were acquainted to. several non-radio people came. thanks for the cake by the way. it was weird finding you there at my door, holding the cake up and saying there was no brazo de mercedes. felt awkward, but it was all good, friend.
at least three people puked, thank zeus not on the floor or on my couch - ryah, frances and JV. wow.
everybody went home by 8am the following day. man, was i pooped. but i had to go to school to put up the sound system and the lights.
SUNDAY
i had to help set-up the sound system from YUPANGCO YAMAHA, and the lights from X'OR MANILA. i did that right after hearing mass with mah girl. i got home around 10pm. alas! second day of no sleep. least not the recommended dose.
MONDAY
i was forced to take a bath at the backstage of the gym. i didn't have time to prepare for the FAMILY NIGHT, so i packed whatever i could get my hands on late last night, and stashed away.
turned out, all i took was a polo shirt and some slacks. i did NOT fit in. dammit.
TUESDAY
Miss Lyceum night, and i had to take charge of production. the night was worth it though. my student won. i was shouting loudly i forgot i was supposed to sing the following night. turned out i couldn't anymore.
i got home at 2.30pm - and my dad was furious. i was annoyed. what am i? a 15 year old schoolgirl?
WEDNESDAY
BANDISTA NIGHT. we had a full house. a lot of speculators in the crowd. but no old people. least none that i could see. it was all good. i got home at 3.30am, and slept for just an hour and a half. damn.
have to go. will say more next time.
oink.
SATURDAY (technically not the start of my week - so sue me)
i had a humble birthday bash at my place. just a few people, oh say around 50 whom i knew personally, loved and were acquainted to. several non-radio people came. thanks for the cake by the way. it was weird finding you there at my door, holding the cake up and saying there was no brazo de mercedes. felt awkward, but it was all good, friend.
at least three people puked, thank zeus not on the floor or on my couch - ryah, frances and JV. wow.
everybody went home by 8am the following day. man, was i pooped. but i had to go to school to put up the sound system and the lights.
SUNDAY
i had to help set-up the sound system from YUPANGCO YAMAHA, and the lights from X'OR MANILA. i did that right after hearing mass with mah girl. i got home around 10pm. alas! second day of no sleep. least not the recommended dose.
MONDAY
i was forced to take a bath at the backstage of the gym. i didn't have time to prepare for the FAMILY NIGHT, so i packed whatever i could get my hands on late last night, and stashed away.
turned out, all i took was a polo shirt and some slacks. i did NOT fit in. dammit.
TUESDAY
Miss Lyceum night, and i had to take charge of production. the night was worth it though. my student won. i was shouting loudly i forgot i was supposed to sing the following night. turned out i couldn't anymore.
i got home at 2.30pm - and my dad was furious. i was annoyed. what am i? a 15 year old schoolgirl?
WEDNESDAY
BANDISTA NIGHT. we had a full house. a lot of speculators in the crowd. but no old people. least none that i could see. it was all good. i got home at 3.30am, and slept for just an hour and a half. damn.
have to go. will say more next time.
oink.
Sep 23, 2004
you smiled when i greeted you.
thanks.
***
i got a lot of things to be thankful for today.
yesterday was my birthday, right? well, i had a migraine attack, and had to go home early - spoiling the kids' plans of a surprise party for me.
but today, the kids finally pushed through with the party. everybody was there - well, almost. we had chocolate mousse cake (courtesy of dominic); pansit miki (from lil' john and darryl), bread, balloons, hotdogs-on-sticks, and a lot of cola. that and first peter band played for me too. (it was rehearsal day for the singers at BANDISTA, so they were all there too)
tapos, grace gave me a new red shirt. 'had a huge chinese character of knowledge in front of it. and it fits like a glove. i love it.
then the school gave me a sound system to use for BANDISTA - for free!!! man, that pays off all the nights i couldn't sleep thinking of where i'd look for an extra P10,000 for the lights and sounds.
that was the best news ever.
ei, it's the oinkster. i'm still here.
thanks.
***
i got a lot of things to be thankful for today.
yesterday was my birthday, right? well, i had a migraine attack, and had to go home early - spoiling the kids' plans of a surprise party for me.
but today, the kids finally pushed through with the party. everybody was there - well, almost. we had chocolate mousse cake (courtesy of dominic); pansit miki (from lil' john and darryl), bread, balloons, hotdogs-on-sticks, and a lot of cola. that and first peter band played for me too. (it was rehearsal day for the singers at BANDISTA, so they were all there too)
tapos, grace gave me a new red shirt. 'had a huge chinese character of knowledge in front of it. and it fits like a glove. i love it.
then the school gave me a sound system to use for BANDISTA - for free!!! man, that pays off all the nights i couldn't sleep thinking of where i'd look for an extra P10,000 for the lights and sounds.
that was the best news ever.
ei, it's the oinkster. i'm still here.
Sep 22, 2004
it's been a while since mi blogged. here are a few from my ninth book in the making entitled: KAWALAN
1
geez
that cat was run over
shrieking, shuddering
when the wheels touched her body
blood everywhere
hearts bleeding to hell
littlest mind squished
at the side of the road
how sad.
geez
that cat was run over
tail caught in the bumper
eues all bloodshot
sad thoughts
flashing before her littlest mind
squished at the side of the road
how sad.
that's gotta hurt.
2
it's me
who should apologize
you're just being nice and sweet
'nothing wrong with that
i can't turn nice and sweet
like you
and i regret that so much.
but i'm not asking you to.
all i want is for you to be true
to me.
and me alone...
3
it's the things we love
that end up killing us
and what's even funnier
is that we let it happen
that we let love throw us around
like rodeo clowns caught in bulls' horns
like birds with wings torn
and still trying to take flight
we let it take over our very soul
and leave us danggling by threads
threads that don't even match our knitwear
and leave us shabby, mundane, scathed.
how pathetic.
4
something bad's gonna happen
'cause i'm feeling
way damn good.
SHOULD I BE TROUBLED?
HELL 'YAH.
EVERYTIME SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS
TO ME
IT'S LIKE THE TOTAL OPPOSITE
IS ALWAYS BOUND TO HAPPEN
IT'S LIKE I'M CURSED
OR SOMETHING.
(AND FINDING OUT THAT THE VISIONARY AT THE HOSPITAL,
I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK
THAT THIS IS WHAT'S BOUND TO HAPPEN
'CAUSE I FELT SO GOOD THESE PAST FEW DAYS.)
MAYBE I AM CURSED
NOW THAT I START DREAMING OF HOLDING YOUR HEAD
WITH MY BARE HANDS AND
HUGGING YOU CLOSE TO MY CHEST
SILLY PIG.
something bad's gonna happen
'cause i'm feeling
way damn good.
5
hey,
if i don't get
to say this again
i'm saying it now.
i'm sorry.
for everything.
you dont have to
blame yourself
for everything.
most of it was
my mistake too.
my only regret
is we didn't turn out to be
what we expected us to be.
but i'm still glad
because once in our lives
we were friends.
good night.
***
friends out there,
please dropby my house on september 25
at around 8pm.
got a small party for us.
see you there.
***
that'll do for a few more days.
oink still breathing.
1
geez
that cat was run over
shrieking, shuddering
when the wheels touched her body
blood everywhere
hearts bleeding to hell
littlest mind squished
at the side of the road
how sad.
geez
that cat was run over
tail caught in the bumper
eues all bloodshot
sad thoughts
flashing before her littlest mind
squished at the side of the road
how sad.
that's gotta hurt.
2
it's me
who should apologize
you're just being nice and sweet
'nothing wrong with that
i can't turn nice and sweet
like you
and i regret that so much.
but i'm not asking you to.
all i want is for you to be true
to me.
and me alone...
3
it's the things we love
that end up killing us
and what's even funnier
is that we let it happen
that we let love throw us around
like rodeo clowns caught in bulls' horns
like birds with wings torn
and still trying to take flight
we let it take over our very soul
and leave us danggling by threads
threads that don't even match our knitwear
and leave us shabby, mundane, scathed.
how pathetic.
4
something bad's gonna happen
'cause i'm feeling
way damn good.
SHOULD I BE TROUBLED?
HELL 'YAH.
EVERYTIME SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS
TO ME
IT'S LIKE THE TOTAL OPPOSITE
IS ALWAYS BOUND TO HAPPEN
IT'S LIKE I'M CURSED
OR SOMETHING.
(AND FINDING OUT THAT THE VISIONARY AT THE HOSPITAL,
I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK
THAT THIS IS WHAT'S BOUND TO HAPPEN
'CAUSE I FELT SO GOOD THESE PAST FEW DAYS.)
MAYBE I AM CURSED
NOW THAT I START DREAMING OF HOLDING YOUR HEAD
WITH MY BARE HANDS AND
HUGGING YOU CLOSE TO MY CHEST
SILLY PIG.
something bad's gonna happen
'cause i'm feeling
way damn good.
5
hey,
if i don't get
to say this again
i'm saying it now.
i'm sorry.
for everything.
you dont have to
blame yourself
for everything.
most of it was
my mistake too.
my only regret
is we didn't turn out to be
what we expected us to be.
but i'm still glad
because once in our lives
we were friends.
good night.
***
friends out there,
please dropby my house on september 25
at around 8pm.
got a small party for us.
see you there.
***
that'll do for a few more days.
oink still breathing.
Sep 15, 2004
i think the best gift i'd ever receive for my birthday
on the 22nd would be forgiveness.
i know that terrestrial visionary knows what i am
talking about.
fate has become our fickle mistress; and even
though our paths have chosen to fork, i would still
like to see that visionary on my birthday.
i would like to ask for his eternal forgiveness
(having heard he has plans of leaving this bastion
of notoriety by next year - i would not like to have
someone having a grudge on me from as fas as
the other side of the planet.).
i don't know if he'll come. if he'll give me the luxury
of forgiveness. but i hope things would turn out
okay for us.
not that we never had a great friendship. then
when things weren't as complicated as now.
***
but you know what?
right after you gave me that stare tonight
and finding out you've erased me from FRIENDSTER
you just confirmed we'll never be okay ever again.
thanks for the not so comforting thought.
dammit.
you make me swear. big time. i guess you're happier this way.
***
inviting all of the people out there who still like me,
friends both intimate and platonic,
please come to my humble birthday celebration on september 25, saturday, at around 7pm, my place. please RSVP at my 0920*** number. thanks.
oink still here. peace out.
on the 22nd would be forgiveness.
i know that terrestrial visionary knows what i am
talking about.
fate has become our fickle mistress; and even
though our paths have chosen to fork, i would still
like to see that visionary on my birthday.
i would like to ask for his eternal forgiveness
(having heard he has plans of leaving this bastion
of notoriety by next year - i would not like to have
someone having a grudge on me from as fas as
the other side of the planet.).
i don't know if he'll come. if he'll give me the luxury
of forgiveness. but i hope things would turn out
okay for us.
not that we never had a great friendship. then
when things weren't as complicated as now.
***
but you know what?
right after you gave me that stare tonight
and finding out you've erased me from FRIENDSTER
you just confirmed we'll never be okay ever again.
thanks for the not so comforting thought.
dammit.
you make me swear. big time. i guess you're happier this way.
***
inviting all of the people out there who still like me,
friends both intimate and platonic,
please come to my humble birthday celebration on september 25, saturday, at around 7pm, my place. please RSVP at my 0920*** number. thanks.
oink still here. peace out.
Sep 12, 2004
someone sent me this email through a new group i'm a member of. it interests me.
Thoughts On Pain
by torgay2004@yahoo.ca
It's been said all before but worth mentioning again… Pain is a
reminder of life, of love, of want, of hope, of care, of the world
around us. It is with pain that we find the deepest of our emotions,
and the depth of our souls.
Whether the pain is physical or emotional or mental, it reminds us
that we are alive, that we feel, that we love and that we care. For
without these things there is no pain…there are only events; there
is no life, there is only existence.
Thoughts On Pain
by torgay2004@yahoo.ca
It's been said all before but worth mentioning again… Pain is a
reminder of life, of love, of want, of hope, of care, of the world
around us. It is with pain that we find the deepest of our emotions,
and the depth of our souls.
Whether the pain is physical or emotional or mental, it reminds us
that we are alive, that we feel, that we love and that we care. For
without these things there is no pain…there are only events; there
is no life, there is only existence.
Sep 1, 2004
someone said this song reminds them of me. thanks
BOUNCE Been running from this feeling for so long Telling my heart I didn't need it Pretending I was better off alone But I know that it's just a lie So afraid to take a chance again So afraid of what I feel inside Right here with you is right where I belong I lose my mind if I can't see you Without you there's nothing in this life That would make life worth living for I can't make it if you're not there I can't fight what I feel any more But I need to be next to you I need to share every breath of you I need to know I can see you smile each morning Look into your eyes each night for the rest of my life Here with you, near with you, I need to be next to you ...every tuesdays, forever... :)
happy tuesday to you too.
oink oink
BOUNCE Been running from this feeling for so long Telling my heart I didn't need it Pretending I was better off alone But I know that it's just a lie So afraid to take a chance again So afraid of what I feel inside Right here with you is right where I belong I lose my mind if I can't see you Without you there's nothing in this life That would make life worth living for I can't make it if you're not there I can't fight what I feel any more But I need to be next to you I need to share every breath of you I need to know I can see you smile each morning Look into your eyes each night for the rest of my life Here with you, near with you, I need to be next to you ...every tuesdays, forever... :)
happy tuesday to you too.
oink oink
Aug 31, 2004
excepts from my latest book "KAWALAN". watch out for it in your nearest stores early october... not! hehehe i could lend it to you if you like.
ha?! san jose pa lang?
antagal ko nang nagtitiis na makamtan
ang pitang naglalaro sa haraya
kailan ko makakamtan ang kalayaang pinapangarap
ng mga tulad kong pinaglaruan ng tadhana
ng makailang sandaling paulit-ulit?...
sino tayong nagkukubli mula sa liwanag?
nagtatago mula sa mapanuring mata
at mapanghusgang puso
kakatwa itong pakikipagsapalaran
ng ating mga pita...
having dinner with you tonight
feels awkward
but nice
seeing you smile back at me like that
like things were okay between us
i guess they are
in a freakish kind of way...
ha?! san jose pa lang?
antagal ko nang nagtitiis na makamtan
ang pitang naglalaro sa haraya
kailan ko makakamtan ang kalayaang pinapangarap
ng mga tulad kong pinaglaruan ng tadhana
ng makailang sandaling paulit-ulit?...
sino tayong nagkukubli mula sa liwanag?
nagtatago mula sa mapanuring mata
at mapanghusgang puso
kakatwa itong pakikipagsapalaran
ng ating mga pita...
having dinner with you tonight
feels awkward
but nice
seeing you smile back at me like that
like things were okay between us
i guess they are
in a freakish kind of way...
Aug 30, 2004
things have never been the same
since you came to my life
let's face it
you made me bounce back
after bitches and shrinks left me for dead
you came, and saved me
without questions asked.
when you came into my life
everything stood still
time elapsed without notice
the sun unwittingly hides in incognizance
beyond the horizons
what luck have i landed upon now?
(smile) you make me smile.
days pass and we stand aloft
unaware, unmindful of the atrocity that may unfold
woest me i shudder not of things that may come
unlike lone foxes that decide to fear not,
even though they still do after taking flight
heck, what care have you blessed
this tired, tattered soul?
and in the darkness of the night
we hug and drown in each's breath
but suddently trapped by the reality that
we are not together
missing you is not the hard part about loving you
you're too beautiful for that.
things have never been the same.
as they should be.
as it will be,
for a while.
yours, tuesdays,
oink oink.
since you came to my life
let's face it
you made me bounce back
after bitches and shrinks left me for dead
you came, and saved me
without questions asked.
when you came into my life
everything stood still
time elapsed without notice
the sun unwittingly hides in incognizance
beyond the horizons
what luck have i landed upon now?
(smile) you make me smile.
days pass and we stand aloft
unaware, unmindful of the atrocity that may unfold
woest me i shudder not of things that may come
unlike lone foxes that decide to fear not,
even though they still do after taking flight
heck, what care have you blessed
this tired, tattered soul?
and in the darkness of the night
we hug and drown in each's breath
but suddently trapped by the reality that
we are not together
missing you is not the hard part about loving you
you're too beautiful for that.
things have never been the same.
as they should be.
as it will be,
for a while.
yours, tuesdays,
oink oink.
Aug 29, 2004
missing you is not the hardest part about loving you.
it's not being able to kiss you endlessly that cripples me.
what's hard about loving you is not trapping you in my arms,
whisperinging "i love you" close to your ears
and you hearing me breathe heavily, until i doze off to dreamland.
missing you is not the hardest part about loving you.
it's not seeing you sleep in my bed
and not knowing what time you come home from work.
what's hard about it is longing to take baths with you over and again
and not minding if we tiptoe naked out of the shower
and jumping to bed all wet and dripping.
missing you is not the hardest part about loving you.
it's not seeing your eyes stare at mine
and smiling all night, all day until we realize
that things may never be easy for us, but we do not care.
what's important is that we have each other
singing happy tuesdays with resounding jaunt and euphoria.
missing you is not the hardest part about loving you.
not having tuesdays is.
it's not being able to kiss you endlessly that cripples me.
what's hard about loving you is not trapping you in my arms,
whisperinging "i love you" close to your ears
and you hearing me breathe heavily, until i doze off to dreamland.
missing you is not the hardest part about loving you.
it's not seeing you sleep in my bed
and not knowing what time you come home from work.
what's hard about it is longing to take baths with you over and again
and not minding if we tiptoe naked out of the shower
and jumping to bed all wet and dripping.
missing you is not the hardest part about loving you.
it's not seeing your eyes stare at mine
and smiling all night, all day until we realize
that things may never be easy for us, but we do not care.
what's important is that we have each other
singing happy tuesdays with resounding jaunt and euphoria.
missing you is not the hardest part about loving you.
not having tuesdays is.
Aug 28, 2004
when night crawls unto us
and entraps our shadows
in endless ripples of din,
extend your hands through the darkness
mine will be there to hold yours.
we'll dream of each other,
drowning in each's arms and
staring at each other's eyes-
dozing off together-
hearts held, hands clasped,
thinking that things like these
would last forever;
but forever only lasts as long as it does,
and reality kicks in,
going for the kill
but i don't worry.
hopefully, neither do you
because in our hearts
we sleep tonight, holding on to our hearts
together finiding that path
to dreams that once shared with others-
bitchy shrinks, and another immature heartthrob-
but now we share, tonight.
silence is our vengeance.
and happy tuesdays are our sanctuary.
truly yours,
oink oink
and entraps our shadows
in endless ripples of din,
extend your hands through the darkness
mine will be there to hold yours.
we'll dream of each other,
drowning in each's arms and
staring at each other's eyes-
dozing off together-
hearts held, hands clasped,
thinking that things like these
would last forever;
but forever only lasts as long as it does,
and reality kicks in,
going for the kill
but i don't worry.
hopefully, neither do you
because in our hearts
we sleep tonight, holding on to our hearts
together finiding that path
to dreams that once shared with others-
bitchy shrinks, and another immature heartthrob-
but now we share, tonight.
silence is our vengeance.
and happy tuesdays are our sanctuary.
truly yours,
oink oink
Aug 26, 2004
what we do doesn't define
who we are
what defines us is how well
we get up after we fall
i guess i've always been lousy
with getting up
there's only one "getting up" i'm goot at
and even that gets me
into a lot of crap
we define ourselves by
how well we carry our souls
and stay afloat for as long as we could
just because we've more strength
than we ever expect ourselves
to have had
i am bewitched by you
your tantalizing eyes
your coy smirks, your inevitable kisses
what more could i ask for
than the gates of heaven themselves -
i'd open them, and carry you inside.
corny ain't i?
geez, what the hell.
who we are
what defines us is how well
we get up after we fall
i guess i've always been lousy
with getting up
there's only one "getting up" i'm goot at
and even that gets me
into a lot of crap
we define ourselves by
how well we carry our souls
and stay afloat for as long as we could
just because we've more strength
than we ever expect ourselves
to have had
i am bewitched by you
your tantalizing eyes
your coy smirks, your inevitable kisses
what more could i ask for
than the gates of heaven themselves -
i'd open them, and carry you inside.
corny ain't i?
geez, what the hell.
Aug 25, 2004
Interesting facts from a close friend
The average chocolate bar has eight insects’ legs in it. - BUT IT DOES HELP YOU BECOME MORE ADEPT IN EXAMS RIGHT?
The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night… while asleep! - GOOD THING I DON'T SLEEP THAT MUCH
A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death. - WITHOUT HEAD? HMMM... LOL
A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair. - I WONDER HOW MANY BALD PEOPLE COULD BENEFIT FROM IT?
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes. - I'VE HEARD ABOUT THINGS THAT SURRENDER FASTER THAN THAT.
A polar bear’s skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear. - RUN THAT TO ME AGAIN?
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants. -NEITHER DO I AT NIGHT. I DON'T WEAR UNDERWEAR TOO.
‘Stewardesses’ is the longest word typed with only the left hand. - I ONLY USE THREE FRINGERS WHEN TYPING.
Shakespeare invented the words ‘assassinate’ and ‘bump’. - HE BUMPED HIS HEAD WHILE DODGING AN ASSASSIN, I GUESS
Marilyn Monroe has six toes. - I HAVE SEVEN MOLES ON MY... LOL
If you keep a goldfish in the darkroom, it will eventually turn white. - WHO WOULDN'T?
Women blink nearly twice as much as men. - MEN EAT NEARLY TWICE AS WOMEN'S WEIGHT AT TIMES.
Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do. - GOOD THING I'M RIGHT-HANDED.
The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with. - MINE DOESN'T. WOULD SOUND FUNNY.. CARLC?
Typewriter is the longest word that can be made using letters only one row of the keyboard. - WHY BOTHER TYPING IT?
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. - GO CHINA! LOL
The words racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left. - WHOA?
A snail can sleep for three years. - WICH I COULD DO THAT TOO. BUT I GOT NO TIME.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist. - AND SO WAS THE JACKHAMMER?
You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world. - AND THERE'S NO OTHER PERSON I'D LIKE TO SPEND IT WITH BUT YOU.
The average chocolate bar has eight insects’ legs in it. - BUT IT DOES HELP YOU BECOME MORE ADEPT IN EXAMS RIGHT?
The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night… while asleep! - GOOD THING I DON'T SLEEP THAT MUCH
A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death. - WITHOUT HEAD? HMMM... LOL
A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair. - I WONDER HOW MANY BALD PEOPLE COULD BENEFIT FROM IT?
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes. - I'VE HEARD ABOUT THINGS THAT SURRENDER FASTER THAN THAT.
A polar bear’s skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear. - RUN THAT TO ME AGAIN?
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants. -NEITHER DO I AT NIGHT. I DON'T WEAR UNDERWEAR TOO.
‘Stewardesses’ is the longest word typed with only the left hand. - I ONLY USE THREE FRINGERS WHEN TYPING.
Shakespeare invented the words ‘assassinate’ and ‘bump’. - HE BUMPED HIS HEAD WHILE DODGING AN ASSASSIN, I GUESS
Marilyn Monroe has six toes. - I HAVE SEVEN MOLES ON MY... LOL
If you keep a goldfish in the darkroom, it will eventually turn white. - WHO WOULDN'T?
Women blink nearly twice as much as men. - MEN EAT NEARLY TWICE AS WOMEN'S WEIGHT AT TIMES.
Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do. - GOOD THING I'M RIGHT-HANDED.
The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with. - MINE DOESN'T. WOULD SOUND FUNNY.. CARLC?
Typewriter is the longest word that can be made using letters only one row of the keyboard. - WHY BOTHER TYPING IT?
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. - GO CHINA! LOL
The words racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left. - WHOA?
A snail can sleep for three years. - WICH I COULD DO THAT TOO. BUT I GOT NO TIME.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist. - AND SO WAS THE JACKHAMMER?
You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world. - AND THERE'S NO OTHER PERSON I'D LIKE TO SPEND IT WITH BUT YOU.
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