WHAT LITTLE ATROCITIES
WE WEAVE FOR OURSELVES
AND WHAT SILENT CRIES WE HIDE
IN THE NOOKS OF THE HEART
ONLY TO FIND THAT WE
ARE SLAVES OF THE FEELINGS
THAT WE THOUGHT
WE'VE FORGOTTEN, AND LEFT BEHIND.

***

a few nights ago i fought with fearless over something petty. i was under the spirit of unconscious blabbering when i started texting him stuff. i was mad about something and was looking for someone to talk to. going out drinking alone has never been fun for me. anywho, i was saying stuff, and he bitched me up. i grew furious, and said some things i shouldn't have said - this i do often to him, and to my other friends. he answered back. and i thought that was the end of our friendship.

***

last night, i tried going out to have my ink cartridge refilled (no budget for a new one *wink wink*). along the way i was practicing what i'd say to him. i mean, hey, i did the guy a bad thing. the least that i could do was say sorry (although i did the morning after we fought over SMS). but it was a school night so i didn't expect him to be there anyway. but he WAS there.

***

DID I SAY ANYTHING WRONG?
OR HAVE I FORSAKEN US ONCE MORE?
HA! THE SILLY THINGS I DO
TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.

***

i glanced over to him and said hi. he answered back. it felt weird. i guess, he WAS still mad at what i told him nights before. couldn't blame the guy. i could get really tactless oftentimes. something was wrong with my cartridge so i decided to surf while they tried fixing it. it never got fixed, though. after i paid for the internet charges, i decided to muster up enough strength to tap him on the shoulder.

***

happy birthday was all i could say, tapping him on the shoulder as i did. the look in his eyes startled me. it was af if he didn't expect i'd greet him (that or he was insouciant over my greeting him). but either way, i did greet him happy birthday and made my way towards the door.

***

HEART RACING LIKE THE WIND
FLEETING MEMORIES FLOCKING THE BRAIN
IN MYRIADS OF FLASHES
TRYING TO SQUEEZE THEIR WAY BACK IN
EVEN IF THEY'VE BEEN KICKED OUT.

***
kids. i heard him say. i looked back. i wasn't sure he was talking to me. lotsa customers. but he was. he was talking to me. i went back to him. he was inviting us for dinner. i didn't want to oblige. even if it was what i wanted. silly pig. 'told him i might come with the kids. either that or i'd accompany the kids to his pad and then leave them there.

***

*beep beep*
i wanted to say a lot of others things kanina.
but you looked busy.
the kids are more than excited about saturday.
'will accompany them to your place.
they'll arrive at around 7:30pm.

-you could stay, you know.

***

ECSTACY
INSOUCIANT ECSTACY
AND A LOT OF JUMPY EMOTIONS
LINING UP THE ROAD -
MY ROAD -
OR AT LEAST, WHAT'S LEFT OF IT.

ancient out. of my element.