i was kinda intrigued with kelly clarkson's newest single, BREAKAWAY.

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of a could-be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around wild indoors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

HOW MANY TIMES DO WE BREAKAWAY FROM OUR LIFE AS MERE MORTALS AND EVOLVE INTO MORE THAN JUST SHRINKS, BITCHES, FRIENDS, LOVERS AND FOES? TOO MANY TIMES, I GUESS. IF THINGS WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE AS THEY ARE, WHY DO WE STILL SUFFER THE ATROCITY? BUSY STREETS HIDE NOT WHAT I FEEL. LONELINESS. DISTRAUGHT. ANGST. LOVE. LOSS.

***

i might not be at the school i teach at by this coming semester. a lot of people are making ways to make sure of that. that or i might just be uberparanoid.
an evaluator unwittingly told students that i was her cousin - while the students were evaluating me! the evaluator got "pissed off" with the students' side comments about me. she told me that's what pushed her to proclaim i was a relative. (i don't even know her first name.) that's strike number one.

number two, my department chairman, i found out, was not logging all the exams and exercises, syllabi and diskettes i submitted to her. the dean was questioning why i had no record of any of these in his book. i told him i already submitted all that they asked of me. he approached one SA and bluntly asked that the records be updated. wow. shouldn't my DC have done that the minute i submitted all my academic requirements. a non-submission of requirements is a display of inefficiency. this i cannot accept.

strike three would have to be the feeling i got this morning while i sat on the DJ's chair, and spun songs (highlighted by Clarkson's BREAKAWAY). it was like a capping off of things. like i felt that everything would be ending soon. geez. i love my work. sometimes more than my gf. (that's why we fight sometimes; she couldn't understand why i have to dedicate so much of my time for the station. i mean, find anyone else at my school who's willing to come at four in the morning to produce ads that the school asks me to do.) but instead of hating the feeling, i felt relieved, almost calm about it. i had a blast this morning.

i might just have to look for another job this second semester, but my hopes are still up high. i'm testing the waters now. i hope things go smoothly for me and my plans.

ei you. email me. thanks!
i'm still here.
oink oink