the Lord planned this to happen.
i am not entitled to total happiness
not even for one lousy day.

three days ago i was more than frantic over graduation day. it was so close, yet felt so far away. the follwoing events explain the reason why:

LATE LAST YEAR
there was a buzz over the rise and fall of BSU president ernesto de chavez. people were questioning his abilities to continue on with the presidency even in the presence of a new board of regents who was supposed to handle corporate management.

through the faculty and student regents, in assitance of several administrative officials, faculty and students, a series of silent and not-so-silent protests were made during the course of the first quarter of 2006. these culminated into the "throwing out" of de chavez from the presidency january.

but who told you it was over? a little over early february till the middle of march, "estong" was back in the president's office after getting a new TRO, now from a legit lawyer - he happens to belong to the same law firm as arroyo's lawyer.

LATE LAST WEEK
i was starting to think that i might not graduate at all. i was actually caught in the middle - at one end of the rope stood my adviser, prof. rachel DE CHAVEZ-evangelio. yes. she is the eldest daughter (i think) of estong. pulling the other end of the quagmire rop was prof. cynthia manalo - mother of devcom at bsu, my mentor and sometimes, professional confidant.

i was right in the middle of a crossfire whose casualties were students who were left half-dead by bullets of rivalry, point-of-views, and professional/personal intentions. i did not know how to react to what they wanted me to do.

up to the point that i had to have my final draft signed, these two personalities would hardly look, lest talk to each other. just this once, i thought, i could be a means to bridge a gap. lil' ol' me never learned anything from devcom concepts - never be messiahnic. darn it.

EARLY THIS WEEK
i was in a conundrum of wether or not i would graduate. the night before graduation i texted my adviser. my exact words:

mam, pag may nanggulo sa graduation ko
papatay ako ng tao. walang biro.
i have waited for this for so long.
ayokong mabulilyaso ito.

she aptly replied, saying that things'll be ok. that she wouldn't let the demons hovering over me get the best of me and the graduation. i told her i had complete faith in her. that i held on to until graduation day.

THIS MORNING
i was walking along the paved pathways of batangas city, on my way to BSU, when i felt butterflies making their way to my stomach. i was starting to shake like hell. needless to say, i was nervous. the night before i thought i would be the only person to graduate; but i told myself, no matter what, i'll march.

the moment i entered the university gates, i was in awe when i saw the students who lined up for graduation. I WASN'T ALONE. the butterflies were toast; they got digested.

when the parade started (a little over two hours after ETA), i was teary-eyed when i entered the gymnasium. mind you, i didn't even bother to when i graduated from my undergrad. but this was different. what i went through for my master's was more difficult. four years in graduate school for a lousy piece of paper rolled up into a cylinder and tied with a white piece of ribbon. damn, i loved the feeling. it was like taking a second degree. that's why it felt so good.

11am. i graduated.
finally.
and with little time to spare.