don't tell me you're freakin' queer
and i won't beat the crap outta you.
THE LARAMIE PROJECT: Angels in America
sa tanang buhay ko bilang mananalaysay rito, ngayon lamang ako maglalahad ng ganitong uri ng damdaming tila patalim na umulos sa akin ng pagkalalim: masakit isiping sa unang pagkakataon, makalipas ang mahigit isang taon at kalahati, ay masasambit pa rin ang mga salitang di ko kailanman ninais marinig - sa iyo iyon, hindi sa akin. kahit kailan hindi ko inisip na masasabi niya iyon. subalit sinabi niya; at ang mundo ko'y nagunaw.
kumikitil ito ng aking damdamin.
matalas ang patalim.
malalim ang sugat.
walang pag-aalinlangan
sa pagdagok sa aking kaluluwa.
we were walking
quietly
along the paved
sidewalk;
talking
about things.
and then,
she pops
the question
about my investments;
i obliged.
and it was hell
freezing over
afterwards.
minsan ko lang sasabihin ito.
puta'ng ina.
ang sakit-sakit.
ansakit malamang
inaakala niyang hindi siya bahagi ng
aking mga pangarap; ng aking mga pita; at
pagdaka'y ano? pag-aaway;
bulyawan sa daan;
luha.
hindi pagkakaunawaan
at dagok sa sarili;
nawawala ako sa sarili
at hindi ko ito
maitago. puta'ng ina.
minsan iniisip ko
nagsasawa na ba ako?
sana hindi pa;
ayokong magsawa, pero
parang binibigyan nya
ako
ng dahilan.
puta'ng ina talaga.
i'm still here, i guess. hey.
My place. My nook. My home away from nowhere. Here where the sun thrives on my body's ink. Here is where evil is reborn. Eternally.
Jan 9, 2005
Jan 6, 2005
ang tunay na pagmamahal
sa dilim lamang nakakikita.
it's been a while since i've actually blogged. i mean REALLY blog.
yapping has not been a strength recently. 'guess it's the work that's getting into me.
too much of it i guess. but i can't stop. not right now.
OUT-OF-THE-BLUE
* my brother won first prize in the inter-college academic competitions held today. i was pretty proud, but tried not to overdo it and shout ecstatically around the venue.
* i have become a chat addict pf some sort. for a quaint reason, i am now affined to the net, and all the nice people i meet here.
* i don't have enough money to finance my thesis. dammit, what's new?
* arnie's producing mr. l***** today, but i'm not watching. i feel like i have been bypassed one to many times; plus, i don't think i'm gonna enjoy watching anyway.
* dashi and chado are vying for the pageant tonight.
France Makes Homophobic Speech A Crime
(Paris) The French Senate Wednesday night gave final approval to legislation making it a criminal offense to speak or publish homophobia.
The bill adds sexuality to an existing law banning hate speech against other minorities.
Under the legislation, anyone who provokes hatred or violence on the basis of sex or sexual orientation could be fined up to $60,000 and be
subject to one year in jail.
The bill was fought by the Roman Catholic church which claimed it could be used against priests who speak out against homosexuality or to censor the Bible.
Despite the concerns of the Church, the legislation had little difficulty in the conservative dominated Senate. The bill which had been pushed by President Jacques Chirac gives France the toughest hate-crime law in the European Union.
French gay rights group Inter-LGBT hailed the vote as as a decisive step to combat growing homophobia.
The government drafted the law after a young gay man was brutally attacked. After he was beaten his assailants poured gasoline on him and set him on fire leaving him severely burned.
The bill was passed in France's lower house earlier this month. But, even with the backing of Chirac the legislation faced a barrage of criticism including some of the worst anti-gay remarks ever heard in the chamber - much of it coming from members of Chirac's own party.
good for them. i'm still here.
hey.
sa dilim lamang nakakikita.
it's been a while since i've actually blogged. i mean REALLY blog.
yapping has not been a strength recently. 'guess it's the work that's getting into me.
too much of it i guess. but i can't stop. not right now.
OUT-OF-THE-BLUE
* my brother won first prize in the inter-college academic competitions held today. i was pretty proud, but tried not to overdo it and shout ecstatically around the venue.
* i have become a chat addict pf some sort. for a quaint reason, i am now affined to the net, and all the nice people i meet here.
* i don't have enough money to finance my thesis. dammit, what's new?
* arnie's producing mr. l***** today, but i'm not watching. i feel like i have been bypassed one to many times; plus, i don't think i'm gonna enjoy watching anyway.
* dashi and chado are vying for the pageant tonight.
France Makes Homophobic Speech A Crime
(Paris) The French Senate Wednesday night gave final approval to legislation making it a criminal offense to speak or publish homophobia.
The bill adds sexuality to an existing law banning hate speech against other minorities.
Under the legislation, anyone who provokes hatred or violence on the basis of sex or sexual orientation could be fined up to $60,000 and be
subject to one year in jail.
The bill was fought by the Roman Catholic church which claimed it could be used against priests who speak out against homosexuality or to censor the Bible.
Despite the concerns of the Church, the legislation had little difficulty in the conservative dominated Senate. The bill which had been pushed by President Jacques Chirac gives France the toughest hate-crime law in the European Union.
French gay rights group Inter-LGBT hailed the vote as as a decisive step to combat growing homophobia.
The government drafted the law after a young gay man was brutally attacked. After he was beaten his assailants poured gasoline on him and set him on fire leaving him severely burned.
The bill was passed in France's lower house earlier this month. But, even with the backing of Chirac the legislation faced a barrage of criticism including some of the worst anti-gay remarks ever heard in the chamber - much of it coming from members of Chirac's own party.
good for them. i'm still here.
hey.
Safer Sex Factsheet 151:
Safer sex guidelines
Factsheets provided by New Mexico AIDS InfoNet
How does HIV spread during sex?
To spread HIV during sex, the HIV infection in blood or sexual fluids must be transmitted to someone. Sexual fluids come from a man's penis or from a woman's vagina before, during or after orgasm. HIV can be transmitted when infected fluid gets into someone's body.
You can't spread HIV if there is no HIV infection. If you and your partners are not infected with HIV, there is no risk. An "undetectable viral load" does not mean "no HIV infection." If there is no contact with blood or sexual fluids, there is no risk. HIV needs to get into the body for infection to occur.
Safer sex guidelines are ways to reduce the risk of spreading HIV during sexual activity.
Safe activities
Safe activities have no risk for spreading HIV. Abstinence (never having sex) is totally safe. Sex with just one partner is safe as long as neither one of you is infected and if neither one of you ever has sex or shares needles. (Even people who got a negative test result might be infected. They might have been infected after they got tested, or they might have gotten the test too soon after they were exposed to HIV.
Unsafe activities
Unsafe sex has a high risk of spreading HIV. The greatest risk is when blood or sexual fluid touches the soft, moist areas (mucous membrane) inside the rectum, vagina, mouth, nose or tip of the penis. These can be damaged easily, which gives HIV a way to get into the body.
Vaginal or rectal intercourse without protection is very unsafe. Sexual fluids enter the body, and wherever a man's penis is inserted it can cause small tears that make HIV infection more likely. The receptive partner is more likely to be infected, although HIV might be able to enter the penis, especially if it has contact with HIV-infected blood or vaginal fluids for a long time or if it has any open sores.
Safer activities
Most sexual activity carries some risk of spreading HIV. To reduce the risk, make it more difficult for blood or sexual fluid to get into your body.
Be aware of your body and your partner's. Cuts, sores or bleeding gums increase the risk of spreading HIV. Rough physical activity also increases the risk. Even small injuries give HIV a way to get into the body.
Use a barrier to prevent contact with blood or sexual fluid. Remember that the body's natural barrier is the skin. If you don't have any cuts or sores, your skin will protect you against infection. However, in rare cases HIV can get into the body through healthy mucous membranes. The risk of infection is much higher if the membranes are damaged.
The most common artificial barrier is a condom for men. You can also use a female condom to protect the vagina or rectum during intercourse. Factsheet 153 has more information on condoms.
Lubricants can increase sexual stimulation. They also reduce the chance that condoms or other barriers will break. Oil-based lubricants like Vaseline, oils or creams can damage condoms and other latex barriers. Be sure to use water-based lubricants.
Oral sex has some risk of transmitting HIV, especially if sexual fluids get in the mouth and if there are bleeding gums or sores in the mouth. Pieces of latex or plastic wrap over the vagina, or condoms over the penis, can be used as barriers during oral sex. Condoms without lubricants are best for oral sex. Most lubricants taste awful.
What if both people are already infected?
Some people who are HIV-infected don't see the need to follow safer sex guidelines when they are sexual with other infected people. However, it still makes sense to "play safe". If you don't, you could be exposed to other sexually transmitted infections such as herpes or syphilis. If you already have HIV, these diseases can be more serious.
Also, you might get "coinfected" with a different strain of HIV. This new version of HIV might not be controlled by the medications you are taking. It might also be resistant to other HIV antiretroviral drugs. There is no way of knowing how risky it is for two HIV-positive people to have unsafe sex. Following the guidelines for safer sex will reduce the risk.
Set your limits
Decide how much risk you are willing to take. Know how much protection you want to use during different kinds of sexual activities. Before you have sex,
* think about safer sex
* set your limits
* get a supply of lubricant and condoms or other barriers, and be sure they are easy to find when you need them.
* talk to your partners so they know your limits.
Stick to your limits. Don't let alcohol or drugs or an attractive partner make you forget to protect yourself.
The bottom line
HIV infection can occur during sexual activity. Sex is safe only if there is no HIV, no blood or sexual fluids or no way for HIV to get into the body.
You can reduce the risk of infection if you avoid unsafe activities or if you use barriers like condoms. Decide on your limits and stick to them.
Safer sex guidelines
Factsheets provided by New Mexico AIDS InfoNet
How does HIV spread during sex?
To spread HIV during sex, the HIV infection in blood or sexual fluids must be transmitted to someone. Sexual fluids come from a man's penis or from a woman's vagina before, during or after orgasm. HIV can be transmitted when infected fluid gets into someone's body.
You can't spread HIV if there is no HIV infection. If you and your partners are not infected with HIV, there is no risk. An "undetectable viral load" does not mean "no HIV infection." If there is no contact with blood or sexual fluids, there is no risk. HIV needs to get into the body for infection to occur.
Safer sex guidelines are ways to reduce the risk of spreading HIV during sexual activity.
Safe activities
Safe activities have no risk for spreading HIV. Abstinence (never having sex) is totally safe. Sex with just one partner is safe as long as neither one of you is infected and if neither one of you ever has sex or shares needles. (Even people who got a negative test result might be infected. They might have been infected after they got tested, or they might have gotten the test too soon after they were exposed to HIV.
Unsafe activities
Unsafe sex has a high risk of spreading HIV. The greatest risk is when blood or sexual fluid touches the soft, moist areas (mucous membrane) inside the rectum, vagina, mouth, nose or tip of the penis. These can be damaged easily, which gives HIV a way to get into the body.
Vaginal or rectal intercourse without protection is very unsafe. Sexual fluids enter the body, and wherever a man's penis is inserted it can cause small tears that make HIV infection more likely. The receptive partner is more likely to be infected, although HIV might be able to enter the penis, especially if it has contact with HIV-infected blood or vaginal fluids for a long time or if it has any open sores.
Safer activities
Most sexual activity carries some risk of spreading HIV. To reduce the risk, make it more difficult for blood or sexual fluid to get into your body.
Be aware of your body and your partner's. Cuts, sores or bleeding gums increase the risk of spreading HIV. Rough physical activity also increases the risk. Even small injuries give HIV a way to get into the body.
Use a barrier to prevent contact with blood or sexual fluid. Remember that the body's natural barrier is the skin. If you don't have any cuts or sores, your skin will protect you against infection. However, in rare cases HIV can get into the body through healthy mucous membranes. The risk of infection is much higher if the membranes are damaged.
The most common artificial barrier is a condom for men. You can also use a female condom to protect the vagina or rectum during intercourse. Factsheet 153 has more information on condoms.
Lubricants can increase sexual stimulation. They also reduce the chance that condoms or other barriers will break. Oil-based lubricants like Vaseline, oils or creams can damage condoms and other latex barriers. Be sure to use water-based lubricants.
Oral sex has some risk of transmitting HIV, especially if sexual fluids get in the mouth and if there are bleeding gums or sores in the mouth. Pieces of latex or plastic wrap over the vagina, or condoms over the penis, can be used as barriers during oral sex. Condoms without lubricants are best for oral sex. Most lubricants taste awful.
What if both people are already infected?
Some people who are HIV-infected don't see the need to follow safer sex guidelines when they are sexual with other infected people. However, it still makes sense to "play safe". If you don't, you could be exposed to other sexually transmitted infections such as herpes or syphilis. If you already have HIV, these diseases can be more serious.
Also, you might get "coinfected" with a different strain of HIV. This new version of HIV might not be controlled by the medications you are taking. It might also be resistant to other HIV antiretroviral drugs. There is no way of knowing how risky it is for two HIV-positive people to have unsafe sex. Following the guidelines for safer sex will reduce the risk.
Set your limits
Decide how much risk you are willing to take. Know how much protection you want to use during different kinds of sexual activities. Before you have sex,
* think about safer sex
* set your limits
* get a supply of lubricant and condoms or other barriers, and be sure they are easy to find when you need them.
* talk to your partners so they know your limits.
Stick to your limits. Don't let alcohol or drugs or an attractive partner make you forget to protect yourself.
The bottom line
HIV infection can occur during sexual activity. Sex is safe only if there is no HIV, no blood or sexual fluids or no way for HIV to get into the body.
You can reduce the risk of infection if you avoid unsafe activities or if you use barriers like condoms. Decide on your limits and stick to them.
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