i've turned sober.
i think.

***
the past few days, i've grown from weary to relaxed to nonchalant over the things that are unfolding. i'm starting to hate myself, again (that's why i hate being sober...from work). it's like i have no control over everything - i've let go; i don't have direction.

i've grown reckless.

***
a friend recently told me about odesk.com. it's a website for providers of work - the most menial of tasks to the most technical.

i took the qualifying test five times (much to my dismay). i qualified for the readiness test, and passed two more skills tests to boost my profile.

i have yet to get some work (i was turned down once). grr.

***
my daughter's birthday is coming up - january 6. we're planning to hold the party at McDonald's uptown. we're inviting just a couple of people. times are hard; i don't have a lot of budget for it.

***
my brother might be coming home from singapore within the week. his bid to find a secured working permit in the merlion city has faltered. that's like 50-grand going down the drain, a house leased without paperwork, and us sleeping on the sidewalk if things become worse.

***
i am so tired of everything, right now. o hope i can find some time to rest.
for my soul, for my heart. for my loved-ones, for my concept of reality.

life is starting to piss me off.
and my mind is so complicated right now.
totally.

***
hey.