honestly, masama ang loob ko sa pamilya ko ngayon. LAGI NAMAN EH. i feel like the only reason why i exist and live in the house is because i give money.

a couple of nights ago, my father asked if i had money. naubusan daw the gasul. my family hasn't really been the same since my mom resigned from work. i mean, ever freakin' time, i have to shelf out money for them (unlike before).

not that i'm totally complaining, but i just feel like i don't have an obligation to help out. the only reason why i give money is because i want to. because i understand the family's situation. but not like this.

call it selective perception, but why is it, everytime - after i give money during the 15th and 30th of the month - my clothes get washed, i have dinner waiting for me when i get home, the mood at home is lighter than usual. as for the rest of the days in the month, everything's dragging, a lot of eerie silence after dinner (if i get any), awkwardness.

just now, on my way home, my sister texted me up. my dad didn't make any money today (he works in the cockpit as a kristo). he's asking if i got paid na for the 15th. i honestly went to the bank prior to sending grace home; this was to no avail. i believe the school would pay us up by tomorrow morning pa, since it doesn't release salaries on a monday (chinese belief).


i've started developing qualms over the married scenario now - what if i get married? would i still be marred by the same "obligation"? what of MY family then? would my responsibility towards my family supersede the family i'd be building? that really doesn't sound fair to me.

***

on the lighter side, we've already bought cd's for the souvenirs. add the fact that my future mother-in-law is starting to seemingly like me, and things are a bit okay.

have a great day, y'all.
;p