NOTES FOR THE DAY

1
you've been prolific
since God knows when.
how can you be a newbie?
all i'm saying is
you've to choose;
or else people, not necessarily
yourself
could get hurt.

(and they already have.)


2
ho ho! tone down
you're taking me down
with you.
cool down.
we'll talk later.

(what quiet, calming talks we have.)


3
okay, tonight.
but i can't leave the house after six.
new house rules.
you'll have to come over.
Kahit anong time, okay lang.

(and these rules bind us forever,
until we become fed up with them, and decide
to vanquish them altogether.)


no blogs;
no text;
no anything.
where are you?
living in the darkness -
alone, and seething;
soul calmed yet turmoiled by thoughts.
can't i join you?
just one last time?

fragmented thoughts
lingering endlessly in my tears.
what idiocy i advocate!
and what paths i should have taken
but didn't have the balls to.

i could just disappear into the wilderness, and live the life of a hermit, but instead i had to be me. darn it. i'm just full of crap.

what have we become after the break-up?
friends? casual acquaintances?
-worse.
-shrinks.

yesternight, i found myself at a familiar place. though there were a few modifications that i noticed, it was pretty much that nook that comforted me not so long ago - a new exhaust fan, new paint, new cupboard doors. new smiling face.

'found out it was just not the right time to impose. and for the very first time, we did not fight the morning after. i was more than happy to have spent yesternight with you. even if the moments were stolen. even if feeling comfortable in each's bossom was not called for - because you've chosen to not let me into your heart. i was at least happy that you let me into your nook. that was fine for me. still is.

to what have we evolved into? you were still hurt, i felt yesternight. and you were so brave showing me that you've moved on. i am happy for you. and even sadder for myself because i chose not to choose. i did not choose you. even if it did feel right. i played it safe. and now i have to live with the reality that i may never have you again.. but i want to have you again. to sleep soundly in your arms, and listen to you snore, smirk and help me dream. and kiss you endlessly in ripples of smiles, tears and severe cuddling.

saying sorry now doesn't make any difference, i guess. because we've reduced what we had into a mishap that shouldn't have happened, but still glad it did. because at the end of it all, i found myself finding you. and that was bliss. no matter how things ended up for us. WEDNESDAY.